Please never call me “big guy”. I will punch you in the face.

I don’t think jizz does that

Mildly crashed out today so I’m posting a picture of myself because it makes me feel good to not hate how I look! Taken literally moments ago!

They arrived there are three more 🤭

Does anybody wanna come over tonight and sit on the other end of the couch while we both do something we enjoy silently?!

JADEEEEEEEEEEE

AussieBum order is out for delivery! Prepare to be sick of me even more!

Happy bath & body works candle day to all that celebrate!

Good Morning - Happy Friday

Whyyyyyy not meeeeee 😭

I’m kind of a low key beer can *Madison Beer fan*

Carlos is in the living room playing DK and watching the Miss Venezuela pageant on his laptop I’m in the bedroom, reading my book and taking nudes I love our love.🥹🤣

Penis penis on the wall who is the most breedable of them all

if you’re having a bad day let academy award winner halle berry landing on newsom from the top rope just minutes before he comes on stage make you feel better - restart and watch for best results, enjoy!

We are doing guess the leaders baby pics for our EOY town hall in a few weeks and no shade my submission is the cutest!

Just going to accept the beanie hat hair for the next three months.

This is going to be soooooo annoying for soooooo long!

Lunch time means let me take my little protein shake and my kindle and read my gay fantasy book until it’s time to go back to creating shareholder value.

On this day in 2001, Animal Crossing for Nintendo GameCube released in Japan. I have many memories of this one. The series has definitely grown in popularity since then. Do you have any memories of this?

I just am jotting them all down thinking of @someheifer.bsky.social giant weiner instead tbh

My boss is back in office after being in his homeland of Australia for two weeks just firing off tasks rapid fire OMG!

gm gay bluesky!

Fuck thong Thursday a hoe does get cold actually!

One last sneak for hump day because I love these pants 🤭

Today was purchase all the gifts day in this house because same and I got new boots for myself! We are both Leos so this tracks🤣🦁

NPB on The Kelly Mantle Show don’t text!

Did any other gay people on this app listen to Hollywood Undead back in the day?

Lisa Kudrow on filming ‘THE COMEBACK’ Season 3 on the ‘FRIENDS’ sound stage: “I had to guard myself every day that we were on that stage, otherwise I would cry. Just because … this trilogy, this character and this show means so much to me, and then ‘Friends’ obviously meant a lot to me too.”

I have ran five days in a row so I’m making pasta and meatballs with garlic knots for dinner, but I always make too much pasta so who wants to come over?!

I just remembered that I’m seeing Delta Work next week! #shitgirlplease

I’m setting my timer for a hour and turning my phone over y’all are too hot and I need to literally plan my 2026 meeting schedule.

Just bought a pair of Doc Martens randomly while waiting for the train.

I need to lock in post lunch give me albums that are perfect no skips!

I ordered us new poppers and lube instead.

I just love looking at naked men to be quite honest!!!

gleefully posting your spotify wrapped after spotify was so adamant about keeping their ICE recruitment ads just a few weeks ago is soooooo

Spotify wrapped

True life im addicted to morning runs!

Actually who cares really 🤭

gn ty all for being nice to me 🥹

I just crumbled store brand thin mints into vanilla ice cream.

All over 40 bloomfs please circle around me challenge🧎‍♂️#DerrikBarryforAS4 omg!!!😍 who did this??? 😍😍😍

What song do you think I sent Bloomf?!

I share my account with @someheifer.bsky.social this will be wild to see hahaha

When the good hookup just disappears from the apps without warning.

My final rally at work today is to the soundtrack of Tori Amos and Perfume Genius.

Cum ye saints and cum ye sinners

Wish I was home beanie on bush out!

One thing about me is I will day dream about giant weiners!

Crown Juicy and wrap it up!