I am now the proud owner of an OG Polyester scratch and sniff card

The computer just asked me to type in the password to unlock it and I’m so high I literally just typed “password”

I doubt there are enough people are on Bluesky to affect US politics, especially when half the people on here are also still posting on X. I don’t see many posts cause I don’t follow many people, but whatever leftist infighting is happening on here is certainly still happening on X at the same rate.

When I was 11 I was posting images like this to Instagram with a caption like “how it feels to be me”

Feeling like this today

Nancy By Ernie Bushmiller May 09,1950

rfk jr: "You can just... shit... in a leather chair... and hose it off. we did that for years. when we were kids. every... almost every... household had a leather chair you shit on and and and. usually. ha, usually it was the kids job to hose it off. that was part of your chores. we'd shit on chairs

Shutout Shota.

Regal City North is more crowded than I’ve seen it in years. The biggest auditoriums sold out on this Friday night. Films are letting out and I can’t even wade through the sea of people to get to my theater. The Devil Wears Prada 2 is the film that saves cinema???

The bug has won, I’m on the Cubs train now. 10 wins baby this is our year fuck the Dodgers. Dansby Swanson I have a crush on you

video game where you can encounter all the different presidents from my president posts in an open world like pokemon

Sunday May 3rd we’re back at Horner Park from 2-7pm. Bring snacks, bring drinks, bring friends. Be kind to each other, be respectful of the space and clean up after yourself. This is a safe space for transgender women, so if you don’t identify with that label in any way, please don’t crash the party

I think this is the year I become a baseball fan. I’m a notorious Cubs hater, and an even bigger Wrigleyville hater, and this is the 3rd Cubs game I’ve been to in the past 2 weeks. I’ve caught a bug.

vote Shit on Prop Fart

this bastard just ate a big chunk out of my preferred translation of books 5 and 6 of Proust

Older man sitting in front of me at the cubs game has a Harry Potter tattoo on his neck

Trump on DoorDash grandma Sharon Simmons's delivery to the White House: "To be honest, it was a little tacky"

everything he says about the cruise sounds like a threat

sorry to break it to you but yes northernlion GFE is worth the price of markup

"One for The City, two for The Hive, three for The Jelly that keeps us alive, four for The Mayor, five for The Queen, Six for The Hand that remains unseen, Seven for The Cell, 8 for The Wall, and nine for The Gate that guards us all." -Bee Rhyme

Getting so high at the park I walk up to a big group of runners and ask to join their run, throw up hard 2 and a half minutes into their warm up trot around the block.

Felt like I was in Dr. Strangelove yesterday so I forgot to post this freaky ass Easter Bread Girl my 80 year old grandma made with her friend. There’s a whole dyed egg in her center

We need a president that misplaces his phone once a week because he got too high and he gets the secret service to tear apart the entire white house trying to find it

under trump 1 i came to appreciate why nixon made hunter thompson insane with rage. under trump 2 i'm coming to terms with what it must have been like when reagan was sundowning on tv

My weekly humiliation ritual

"the good news is that we have found a relatively cheap and easy way to prevent the cast from going through puberty. the bad news is that not everybody in this room is going to like it".

Paper Planes if M.I.A. was really into Frasier: I fly like Frasier get high like Crane If you catch me at Nervosa Cappuccinos in my name If you call around here I’ll listen all day Help you out have some sherry while you wait

the name’s Sandwiches, Sandwiches Galore [precision picklocks the safety pin holding your dress together; the Met Gala laughs] i guess it’s true what they say: Über eats ;)

One Piece live action is total slop. Just made me want to reread the series instead more than anything

Quinn builds worst Regent deck ever, asked to leave the Spire

Slay the Spire 2: game of the year this year and also every subsequent year???

Oscars #2: It was never going to happen, but Hawke deserved the Oscar just for actually circling back to a project he was once too young to do justice. One of the best limited location movies ever? Blue Moon : Extended New York Universe Edition boxd.it/dxaY6J

Upset I didn’t get tickets to this but very funny to think about all the people that were gonna meet Sheryl Lee after the screening and say things like “you saved my life” and “your performance made me feel seen for the first time” having to meet Ray Wise instead.

The best part of Oscars season being over is that I don't have to see film opinions from people who watch maybe two movies a year for at least another ten months.

What were they cooking???

in hs i was making fun of guys who think soy estrogenizes you and a classmate was like “it literally does tho” and when I asked for proof went “between 2 and 4 years old, my uncle would take care of me. every time I saw him he made me drink soy milk. i started lactating as a toddler so”

in the future the president will wear a "poop umbilicus" which is like a diaper with a tube and vacuum system that sucks the poop/pee into a tank. they walk around outside wearing only that as clothes in a circle of 50 foot radius (thats the length of the tube) picking up big rocks and throwing them

we need a president who says into the press mic "wow. thank got its friday. I need to eat poop shower sleep watch tv drive my car go to the store poop (diarrhea this time) walk around my house piss in the toilet water the plants get grubhub play playstation scratch my ass and fart!!!"

I’m sorry but I saw the tv glow is not one of the top 10 greatest films of all time that’s crazy talk. Take the first 2 films off and this is a pretty great list though.

loved the message dude. the little face at the end... fantastic. an "emoji", i assume. does he represent you or me?

devoted to dvd work in progress. Need to find a way to fit the weird little Polanski collection in better cause the top half is kind of a mess compared to the bottom. Kong collection will probably get taken out unfortunately.

CHICAGO THIS SUMMER WE ARE COMING BACK TO PLAY POTENTIALLY INFINITE SHOWS AT THE METRO, STARTING 7/16. TICKETS ON SALE TOMORROW AT 10 AM CST, IF A SHOW SELLS OUT WE DO ANOTHER ONE, DIFFERENT SETS & OPENERS EACH NIGHT CAN'T WAIT GONNA BE FUCKIN SICK AS HELL 🤪 POSTER BY Dashawn

Why is it that pro bike stickers and signage is almost always posted on a bike rack? Bro I’m already riding a bike everywhere you don’t gotta convince me. Put that sticker on a wall or window or something

getting up in front of roomates: "now I know this isn't easy, but we have to stop pooping in the shower... now I'll be the first to admit that I do it too! I do it too!" them: "wait you poop in the shower? what?" "I'll be the FIRST to admit that I poop in there - we ALL do it, but we need to stop,"

ill keep being absolutely stunned that you can grow up in this country completely ignorant as to its myths and pieties. the very idea of a "public servant" is alien to this guy. the fact that we don't do this kind of shit totally lost on him. he has a third grade idea of what a president is

It’s event television spectacle, but tv is dead. A few of the underlings understand this, but their online posting efforts only serve to alienate anyone not already with the program. It happened quickly under his 1st term that i don’t think he gets that the country is no longer ruled by the tv

Failed so hard to defend our 1st place title at Facets movie trivia yesterday. Came dead last because I’m not well versed in Hugh Grant movies so I lashed out and depicted the institution’s patrons as soy

“I’m a miserable chud and the people I surround myself with are also fucking chuds. Clearly this means the majority of adults in the country are also becoming miserable chuds just like me!”

Why is almost every robust healthy boy with a robust healthy soul in him, at some time or other crazy to go to sea?