Newcastle has the spiciest curries in the UK. That's where the name comes from. They've always known how to nuke asshole.

John Nettles. Sting. John Hurt.

It's all coming together

fly me to the sun so i can kick its fucking ass

Take control of your future, Reverend said to outgoing PM (4,7)

Consider getting your dad a fake barbecue this Father's Day for enrichment purposes. All dads need to satisfy the urge to grill, but not all of them can be trusted.

We don't have a shower fitted in our home so we recently bought one of those portable camping ones that funnels water from below upward and... Guys, you were right. I'm sorry. I admit it. It's NOT okay to pee in the shower.

In more traditional clueing, I was quite proud of this one over on YouTube today (although I'm sure someone has come up with this before): Personal defect I broadcast as this? (4-11) #CrypticCrossword

I wouldn't mind so much if Morocco were at least on the other side so the scoreboard said MAR10SCO like a NYT Midi clue for Nintendo

They’re calling it the quote on British politics that ended the need for all other quotes

nobility? more like no-ability, amirite? hahaha. you are being enslaved by FOOLS. they cannibalise the VERY backs on which they ride. cast them off cast them off cast them off cast them off cast them off cast them off cast them off cast them off cast them off cast them off cast them off cast them o

Somebody *genuinely* told me yesterday that I look like Aquaman. I have to believe she meant the international sex symbol Jason Momoa, not that I'm half trout.

I only got back home a few minutes into the second half. This is why I think football's boring - as soon I start watching it the goals stop.

A chair holding another chair at gunpoint.

I've said it before and meant it. I will say it again even with the chance that new account will screenshot me. Let Doctor Who regenerate into a horse. The show is called Doctor Horse for at least three episodes.

Oi was 'ard of 'earin' until oi got me a cockneyer implant

I came up with this thought all on my own. Feel free to take it.

applying for the job i quit yesterday cause i forgot 1/2 a burrito in their fridge

basketball’s all like gimme that pumpkin i need it and tennis is all like fuck this lemon you take it.

The cryptic crossword. A puzzle tougher than anybody who can solve one. This one's got a theme - one that anyone who's ever met me can already guess. mycrossword.co.uk/cryptic/3579

Batsman is the protector of Botham City

Who called them atheists and not Christian Slaters?

If ifs and buts were candy and nuts I'd be having an allergic reaction right now

Did you know the internet was invented by COVID? It's true I read it in the AI transcription of a visualised podcast

I guess this is the year I finally get into Big Finish 😐

does the eagle know its role in Prometheus's punishment or is it just showing up every day like "holy shit, free liver AGAIN??"

Accidentally saying "Betelgeuse" three times and being roasted alive by the red supergiant star I just summoned

"Ripped jeans are coming BACK" I scream, with tears down my face and tears down my asscrack

Here he is. The Matt, the Smith, the legend.

Got poured a shot of mint-flavoured vodka once and I spat that shit out. I thought it was Listerine.

Is this you? Then your prayers have been answered! Try all-new Bluesky today

I LOVE words but I HATE talking 😡

Am I hungry enough to have a whole pizza to myself right now or do I just want to be

I think my favourite word might be "the". You hear it all day and you never get bored of it. Dependable. Underrated. The.

Happy Pride, gay lions

I'm as tired as the week is long

PE makes me eepy

"we're all in the same boat!" I shout through the service vents at the sweat-covered labourers in the boiler room from my luxury cruise suite, sipping my fifth mojito of the day

Thank you all so much for the opportunity to make my comedy debut! Apologies for finishing early, that's, uh, never happened to me before.

This is fine. It'll be fine. It'll all be just fine. Wait, how long have you been there?

Sometimes while going about my day I'll just wish for infinite wishes. Don't ask, don't get.

eating mint humbugs is the same as brushing your teeth right

Bought some off-brand Blu Tack of subpar quality and I fear that much of my house, body and life may now be permanently globbed. Send help. The vibrant rainbow that once comprised the natural world is usurped. I see no red rose in the garden, no green grass of home. Just blue. Only blue.

can bastards stop warming the globe please

AI? More like SLAY-I 💅✨👑 By which I mean "please kill me".

Of course I know Wario is evil but I always pick him because I’m able to separate the kart from the kartist

Americans think British people are wimps for complaining about the heat. But what you don't realise is that most British houses were actually built in Britain, a cursed island that hates us.

Listen knobhead. If I want to have a swim, in my own bin, on the hottest day we've ever had on Skaro, then I am entitled to do so. #uk #doctorwho #heatwave #davros