The cover-up just never ends. Rest in peace, Ruben Ray Martinez.

Found out this is pretty rare! Available with Dew Points years ago.

what is he selling

RFK Jr.: ‘Time In Hot Cars Helps Babies To Sweat Out Toxins’ https://theonion.com/rfk-jr-time-in-hot-cars-helps-babies-to-sweat-out-toxins/

Finnish Ski Jumping Team Caught Tampering With Earth’s Gravitational Field https://theonion.com/finnish-ski-jumping-team-caught-tampering-with-earths-gravitational-field/

Political Profile: Pam Bondi https://theonion.com/political-profile-pam-bondi/

Biden Grateful He’s Not Alive To See What Trump Doing To Country https://theonion.com/biden-grateful-hes-not-alive-to-see-what-trump-doing-to-country/

“Doctors won’t tell you this, but you don’t need medication for a tapeworm—all you need is the natural power of friction,” Robert F. Kennedy Jr. said as he dropped to the floor, lifted his legs high, and dragged his ass along the White House carpet during a press conference.

58 Years Ago Today:

Good news Tales of Berseria Remastered is no longer labeled as unsupported for Switch 2! Glad to see Namco was able to fix what ever was wrong with it

The January 2026 front page of The Onion newspaper. Never miss out again and become a member here: https://membership.theonion.com/?campaign=701cx00000IyUfBAAV

What To Know About Trump’s Board Of Peace https://theonion.com/what-to-know-about-trumps-board-of-peace/

Trump Alleges That Democrats Secretly Paid Alex Pretti To Be Model Citizen https://theonion.com/trump-alleges-that-democrats-secretly-paid-alex-pretti-to-be-model-citizen/

We need this for every Splatoon lan

If you saw this happening in another country, what would you call it? [Cartoon by Mike Luckovich]

I want every penny back + interest

“When an individual enters their residence, conceals themselves behind a closed door, and attempts to go about their everyday life, they are willfully impeding the important work of law enforcement officers and engaging in domestic terrorism,” said DHS spokesperson Tricia McLaughlin

Real Estate: Red House

Pros And Cons Of Buying Greenland https://theonion.com/pros-and-cons-of-buying-greenland/

I've got a SEGA Saturn. Look at this big baby...! I like this 2nd japanese model, so I have a different colour than my Mega Drive.

Nation Yearns For Relative Calm Of ‘President A Giant Pedophile’ News Cycle https://theonion.com/nation-yearns-for-relative-calm-of-president-a-giant-pedophile-news-cycle/

The absolute accuracy of this.

Pearl-Plexed played in LI this month, placing beta bracket! Ggs to all the teams we faced! @sangoko.bsky.social hedit - 20 hr aim trainer…NOW @judspl.bsky.social decav - white boy of the year @renxsecare.bsky.social vdualie - aura farm @serventseaslug.bsky.social roller - sub! #compsplatoon

Trump stole $500 million in Venezuelan oil, sold it, and put the money in a private account in Qatar. If you can't see how immensely corrupt this mob boss is you have the IQ of a dead hamster.

The world needs to grow a pair and sanction the US. The 4th reich won't stop this shit unless you make it stop.

The biggest fumble in American history

for anyone wondering how lantern finals went tonight #splatoonclips