this is what my dad texts me immediately after the eagles scored a td to take the lead

Praying that, When It Happens, I 1) find out from a friend sending me a horny copypasta 2) can break the news to at least 1 of my friends via a horny copypasta

me when it happens

Found a new awful delaware mansion www.zillow.com/homedetails/...

between the mets trades and gotham's latest signing...I love that The Narrative is Proving My Opinions

I love getting weekly emails from Delmarva being like "Nervous about the cost of energy? Our new program can help!" and the program is just "look at all this energy your home is using--stop that 💙"

We’re giving the people of Monstropolis some disgusting football

at halftime, Sirianni should invent a passing play where Hurts doesnt throw an interception

Eagles: Addressing the implosion of their offensive identity with the “positivity bunny” Easter inflatable Phillies: MVP franchise cornerstone engaging in medieval peasant brained blood science Sixers: Still just like that no matter what they do Flyers: “2 or 3 years away”

I am going to LOSE my SHIT

They don’t need to make a new football song for every single game!! Why are there so many, and they’re all 4 minutes long Also I am going to sneak into the novacare complex and burn all of the eagles uniforms so they can’t play another snap this season. Better late than never

Nick Sirianni didn’t even get the chance to make The Dumbest End Game Choice You’ve Ever Seen, so you know he’s saving up something good for Friday

never mind!!!!!!! god wants me DEAD

Why couldn’t the football god have blessed me last night like they are right now

Strong contender for funniest sentence of the year from Delaware facebook: “[County Councilman] Sheldon later clarified here in the comments on First State Update that he was flipping off [fellow County Councilman] Caneco and not the community at large.”

Sirianni and Campbell are having an all time bozo off. Magnificent work

dan campbell scrounging the last of his pocket change to place one more bet on a 4th down conversion—he could quit anytime, but he’s gotta a good feeling about this one

truly revolting, but also incredible that the “invaluable and interesting” mind in question is larry fucking summers! it’s like the dersh believing that women will sleep with him to access his legal services

Very cool that they played this ahead of the Eagles game youtu.be/hdOXfqXJE2s

I LOVE THE WASHINGTON SPIRIT SO MUCH

Kouassi truly has Reyes in HELL

“No one’s picking portland to win” least of all me, rob gale!!!!!

Well @karlstomberg.bsky.social foolishly thought he was cooking with his “80 year mortgage,” but I’m going to patent the 100 Year Mortgage

Democratic senators think you are so fucking stupid.

agreeing to make a terrible deal while your main opponent is quite literally being boo'd on live tv by an entire stadium of people is the kind of political instinct you'd normally only find in a 3 week old dead goldfish

literally nothing to say that wont get me Monitored lol…except that chris coons is absolutely so mad he couldn’t support this shit with his vote too

The past few months, I’ve been asking myself “which groups of people around me have the most to withhold, and could be organized to Impose Costs?” in relation to our current status quo. Who is hurting, and who has power thru what they can withhold? 1/2

Are we ready for game 3?!

that’s the fucking SPIRIT

I love the Washington Spirit

Santos and Kouassi are cooking

var i will hunt you until my last breath

IT’S SPIRIT TIME LET’S FUCKING GO

the evolution of conservative fb names has been fascinating…we’ve gone from the old pattern of “common first name + onomatopoeic last name” eg “Durrell Tootle” or “Randy Tuggle” to completely inscrutable shit like “Sputch Badco” today

i know this is basically the “lemony garlicky brown butter miso gochujang pasta” nyt cooking joke, but i’ve eaten it for the past 3 dinners and it’s sooooo good (subbed tofu for pork) www.allrecipes.com/recipe/84981...

You might think you’re ready for this needle drop at the Cuomo watch party. I promise you: you are not.

SUMMON HIM

seranthony masterclass

yes i am a mature, grown adult YES i still burst into tears when describing the plot of Petite Maman to my boyfriend

we’ve had the most trick-or-treaters tonight since i moved in…god is GOOD

im back in on the sixers

If you are scared of competing against a trans person in sports, you are simply bitch made. Not a competitor. Not a real baller. You have never really wanted smoke.

vj edgecombe

Joel Embiid is on pace to play 82 games

i've never seen a baseball player break up a double play by leaping into the air, spinning 180 degrees, and taking the throw to the back of the dome. it was perhaps the most beautiful thing i have ever witnessed

Daulton Varsho

Every young republican staffer looks like a different amalgam of all the bad wonka children

Phillies DEI RIGHT NOW!!!

Phillies century of humiliation CANCELLED due to Ranger Suarez ❤️