Turns out the Hammer was coming from inside the house.

KEYS TO THE GAME: make shot

Aday Mara is a shockingly good passer. Also very tall.

Lots of y’all are laughing, but Louisiana follows the Napoleonic Code, which has a concept called “retiré la déclaration“ the idea that you get to retract one dumb or incriminating statement per dispute. So, legally speaking, that whole “WE HEREBY FIRE THIS BUM FOR FOOTBALL REASONS” never happened.

So, the options were (a) “Bryan gets to fly home on time and poor people get to eat food,” or (b) “people should have to pay a metric fuck ton for health insurance.” And as a nation, we chose the latter. So I’ll be hanging out in the Phoenix airport for a few more hours.

Congratulations to Wisconsin on getting their first Big Ten win on the season, joining Indiana, Ohio State, Oregon, Michigan, USC, Washington, Iowa, Minnesota, Washington, Nebraska, UCLA, Illinois, Northwestern, Rutgers, and Maryland on the list of teams with conference wins.

Folks, I’m on my first child-free, work-free vacation in nearly a decade. I’m day-drunk in the desert. And I feel compelled to say that I love you all. You are smart and beautiful/handsome and above-average dancers. Enjoy your respective Saturdays.

“We use the word OSKEE…”

Real ones remember

Gus went too hard on the previous Penn State drive, and left himself no room to go up.

Feel like Jim Knowles should be in the booth, not in the stands. Coaching mistake IMO.

Oh yeah, like Eric Adams knew last night was the election.

You might think you’re ready for this needle drop at the Cuomo watch party. I promise you: you are not.

Essential viewing www.youtube.com/watch?v=hI8h...

I know this is a very First World Problems problem… but this is a LOT of KenPom Time.

Did… did the refs just give a “power outage continuation bucket” to Trey McKenney?

The rare First Half Nice

That Mara drop step… 👀👀

Michigan has made their first 11 two-pointers. Their average shot distance on those shots has been “straight down”

Michigan tall as hell

EARLY ANALYSIS: Mara tall

Let us… basketball?

Meerkat JJ was always a fantastic JJ.

Something something he was only good because of a vacuum repairman with an iPhone.

Quite the special teams weekend for the state of Michigan…

/takes enormous bong rip Could Wink Martindale blitz so much that the Detroit Lions would notice?

Minnesota is going to get my beautiful boy killed, aren’t they.

Civilizations rise. Empires fall. Sparty No remains.

Got to the dog park at 6:30 this morning, per the dog’s request.

So do they have to go for the two-point conversion in the 10th inning, or just starting in the 11th?

Baseball!

I’m sorry, the Auburn/Kentucky score was what now?

Jordan Marshall gets the big piece of chicken. And the last roll. Also the biggest piece of pie. What a brutal performance, in the best possible way.

Looking forward to Wink telling us how he wasn’t actually blitzing all night because we don’t know how to count.

SKRONG MAN IS SKRONG

James Franklin ass play call, Purdue.

Me: “I wish Michigan would stop rotating their really good players with their not-so-good players” Universe:

There is a human being who is paid real American dollars to organize this.

Serious question: does Michigan practice special teams?

A lot of you right now.

Not sure that was the correct decision

What dumbass put the 35 yard line as the “Field Goal Range” line?

Tonielli was considering a hurdle. He wisely opted against it.

Touchdown came back, but Wink is getting his lunch eaten.

Ten yard cushion on 4th and 2 is definitely legally permissible. Like, it’s not technically a crime.

Well… shit why didn’t they just do that before

That’s a fumble, dawg

Michigan has been offside at least three times already.

Two straight Bryce misses is unexpected. A Special Teams fuck-up is not.