Where are the advocates for the trickle-up economy: where you give the poor people all the money and rich people sell them goods and services? #nzpol

Hey, so guess what I did? 🧵 Can I prove Deloitte used AI to write this report? No. But that would honestly be the less embarrassing option. The research in this report is below par for a 1st year undergrad, where they even bother to show research. Let's unpack some of the mistakes I found. #nzpol

They fuck you up, your mum & dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had, And add some extra just for you.

TODAY'S COMIC: Dog's Wisdom

A strong independent badass woman in a movie is not a Girl Boss If they were, they'd sit back and let everyone else do the work while they paid them shit wages. Ripley is a god damn worker exploited by the capitalist corpoation, put some fucking RESPECT on her god damn name.

Dunno if I'd get away with calling my boss a tool on a big stage like that

<SIGH> Can we finally kill the "National are Better Economic Managers™️" myth now. It's always been bullshit, and this current incarnation has really highlighted this. And two years in, voters need to stop buying their "It's Labours mess" lies. #nzpol www.rnz.co.nz/news/politic...

Birds are weird. They're either like "I can sing these two notes only and repeatedly for ever" or they're "yeah I can make any fucken noise I ever hear and you have no idea what I'm gonna say next"

The Three Stages of Xmas Maturity 1) You believe in Santa 2) You don't believe in Santa 3) You are Santa

Wordle 1,628 4/6 ⬜🟩🟩🟩🟩 ⬜🟩🟩🟩🟩 ⬜🟩🟩🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 Dictionary attack...

Hey everyone, this snake mustache you a question

It doesn't feel like Xmas til you've irritated a small dog

📚Hey lovely people, since we're coming into the silly season, I thought it might be an idea to share my go-to cosy/comedy fantasy authors for a good, sanity-inducing laugh. If you're looking for an awesome read, you can't go wrong with the following:

Who else out there candying they nuts?

Introduce yourself with 5 animals you’ve seen in the wild: Orca Captain Cooker Possum Peripatus Takahe

Introduce yourself with five concerts you've seen: Depends on who I'm introducing myself to Crowded House The Eagles Fleetwood Mac Sheryl Crow The Irish Rovers or maybe Smashing Pumpkins Tool The Angels Poison Van Halen or a third, different list Minuit PWEI Hole Judas Priest Fat Freddy's Drop

ARE TECHBROS CONCIOUS? Many users feel like they are not talking to a real person. Scientists say it's time to consider using them for product testing as they are less endearing than rats.

COMIC: Stressed? Tired?

Can I get a travel agency to offer this package with like, a dog to pet

I made strog for dinner. It was good strog, I'm feeling pleased with the choices that led me to my strog dinner. Wife also enjoyed the strog, and she doesn't even know how much I love her, cos I didn't tell her the "password is not stroganoff" joke, so she didn't have to pretend to hate me...

I take on average 10,000 stills and a half hour of video every week. Most I'll never think about again. This I'll hold onto until I grow old. 4 hours ago. Zero edits. No recoloring. No cropping. Nothing. Just straight up reality. 🦑

Program: would you like to turn on AI mode? Me:

“Trust us! Marginalising these communities more will absolutely bring down the cost of a KG of Mince and get your job back!”

If you want your own "Leave Trans Kids Alone You Absolute Freak" t-shirt here the link: store.crooked.com/products/lea...

Now I'm not a surveyologist, but this has a loaded-question kinda vibe to me. Is it just me?

Any wine can be mulled wine if you really think about it.

THREAD. The definitive list of the absolute best interdimensional portals I have photographed on walks in the British countryside. 1. Gateway To The Land Of Leaping Dogs.

🧵So last week I asked Kiwis and Aussies if people prefer their fairy bread with margarine or butter, crusts on or crusts off, squares vs triangles. I figured since it has been ages since I've sampled the food of the fae, I should make sure the recipe is correct for my upcoming book launch party.

Tahetoka Limited (my very small business) is expanding. Our team is now offering Bookkeeping services with a focus on Māori Pakihi and Charitable Trusts. Ensuring we get mahi done quickly with pricing that works for you. Interested? Let us know. tahetoka.nz/bookkeeping

There are wolves inside of you, wild and free. There's also a grizzled raccoon who's seen too much, a wine drunk lynx with late night ennui, and a sleepy little squirrel who often feels the weight of the world.

There is a grey warbler in my backyard, just absolutely warbling it's little heart out! They are such beautiful shy little birdies.

Give a man a fish and someone with a thousand fishes is going to bitch about people getting free handouts. Teach a man to fish? Yeah, that person with a thousand fishes is going to bitch about that too.

There's worse places to be on one's 30th wedding anniversary. And certainly worse people to spend it with.

No other word has done more damage to the craft of writing in recent years than “content”. Even if you’re using the word “content” ironically, or as a cute little joke, don’t. When someone calls writing “content” they’re pissing on someone’s hard work & passion. “Content” is Technosatan’s henchword.

Cait's right. Tomorrow is my 30th anniversary. We have the week off and we are meandering around the Coromandel Peninsula enjoying each other's company. If you can live together for a week in a camper after 30+ years, you've found the right one.

He'll change, but only if you kiss him...

This country is so ridiculously pretty sometimes!

What would we no longer have if fireworks were banned? Terrified pets, yet more pointless plastic released into the environment, antisocial moronic noise. Call me crazy but I reckon we can just about cope with that kind of loss, as a species.

He's desperate to give off the Illusion of leadership by making his problems and people disappear!

It is my sincere belief that my office chair is ruining my body and possibly my entire life

☝️ Ian Hamilton Finlay’s “Fox” was first published in GLASGOW BEASTS, AN A BURD, HAW, AN INSEKS, AN, AW, A FUSH, with papercuts by John Picking & Pete McGinn (The Wild Flounder Press, 1961)

If you, or someone you know has come into contact with Seymour, please isolate for 7 days. Read more here: yeehawtheboys.substack.com/p/the-other-...

My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings. This is not so much as question as a comment... 🧵 1/27

Huge thank you to the comedians, musicians, artists and writers who are just as mad and bewildered as the rest of us but are still doing their best to make life worth living for everyone.

Willy Wonka: But Charlie, don't forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he always wanted. Charlie Bucket: What happened? Willy Wonka: he has such sights to show you

Peanut stab

Change one letter, ruin a candy Peanut slob