I am 30 or 40 years old and when men (my age-ish????) talk to me in public I still get very like HEY EVERYBODY THIS GUY IS TRYING TO TALK TO A TEENAGER GROSS

we love a projector movie and a long island in this house

does tom morello know they make longer guitar straps

do u think jeff bezos ever orders things off amazon

@barackobama.bsky.social do u have any travis scott songs u would recommend for me as someone who smokes cigarette butts off the subway platform or is that just something u do for the defense contractor girlies who buy zyns from the vending machine in the palantir office

it was so good there was a lot of Hog

we’re at the cinema to watch 28 somethings later and we are the only people in the whole theatre this slaps lmao

Obama only shows up when it looks like the people might have a say in making the country less shitty. He makes sure that doesn't happen.

this is my job btw I’m literally the ocean’s mailman

cows hate to see me coming jk im in a mail truck and for some reason they find that DELIGHTFUL

currently overhearing some teens explain steamed hams to each other

scarface is just shen yun for cuba

does anyone else ever look at a river and think if I was a beaver I'd be so mad right now

Steve Jobs died of Takilma

no disrespect to the good half of daft punk but if you pronounce thomas in the “french” way it gives me the ick in the same way that some people get (performatively) disgusted by the word moist

Liberals will be like ‘don’t let perfect be the enemy of the good’ & it’s like dawg that is what you tell someone on a diet, we are talking about basic human rights.

“colonel” would be a beautiful name for a baby girl

first sumo of the season let’s fucking gooooooooo

I'm seeing some comments saying stuff like "No US President has ever done anything like the kidnapping of Maduro before" and altho I relate to the outrage behind such a comment, I encourage you to look up the history of United States presidents before you post this

wife is making me listen to their war playlist at 930 am and I love system of a down but it’s a bit early for all of this

is hamms beer unc or is it just dad

Let 2025 be the last year they make fantasy games with non-bisexual romance options. You're tellin me this big warrior lady with a dyke haircut in fake dragon world can't be with me bc she's straight? This fictional woman in the computer is biologically heterosexual? Grow up

pissfarts

The Custom Oregon Plate TERROR was available, but is now reserved. https://dmv2u.oregon.gov/eServices/?link=custom #Oregon #LicensePlate #VanityPlate #OregonPlates #CustomPlate #TERROR

worst part of going out drinking is how much I spend on Depop while I’m out??????? aaahhhgggghhhhh like I bought a whole suit tonight???? and also this jacket mainly because it had a giraffe on it and the girl wrote “a zebra” in the listing and I thought it was so fucking funny

no babe I wasn’t saying chef john of food wishes dot com I was saying sufjan of stevens dot music

we had to leave the bar because I tried to fight someone who is definitely our child’s age and then I made the bartender (my literal bffl) cut her off lol

sure Christmas just ended but we’re already making plans for the next big holiday (Neil banging out the tunes day) (my wife wants to do a dj set in a rat costume)

my lip combo looked so good tonight and then I was like “we should get wings”

me and hello kitty are basically the same guy, we are both humans mistaken for cats with a boyfriend-wife named Daniel and we are six apples high like I’m so sorry you don’t know anything about her but the rest of the entire world are hello kitty otaku

we’re back at the pizza bar and I just remembered this happened and how horrified everybody was

my nice wife forgot their phone at our house so now they’re rawdogging Christmas with my family lmao

hey good news everybody, just found out that when you’re the boss you can make everybody that works in your office listen to you elaborately describe the plot of the hobbit and they HAVE to pretend like they care even if it’s christmas eve

the thing about living in Oregon is no one knows how to pronounce Langlois

hey what’s your worst shirt here’s mine

are the Australians awake now to confirm this?

when they jerk off Australians call it “going on rubbo”

oh you fuckin KNOW what time it is

does tom morello know they make longer guitar straps

how come nobody ever asks yoda why he talks like that

it’s my birthday you have to fav this

what if his name was count doodu and his lightsaber was brown

what the FUCK is a soroptimist

JUST WANT TO CLARIFY THIS HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE DISCOURSE FROM YESTERDAY I DIDNT EVEN KNOW THAT WAS GOING ON lmao

she fuckin the snowman for snow

apparently going 67 in a 55 mph zone is speeding???? idk sounds fake to me but California highway patrol INSISTS it’s real

Reminder that Mystery Inc has much higher rate of solving cases than Fox Mulder, even with the resources of the entire FBI behind him.

how much weed does the scooby doo gang have to sell in order to take the mystery machine with them to Scotland