It's not just Youtubers. Turns out, lots of strangers react like that when you pretend to already know them

call me the father of psyops the way my family stays fed

After an economic crash you always see headlines like What Was Everyone Thinking? What do you mean everyone, most of us are waving our arms and screaming every day, it's a handful of insanely rich assholes who aren't listening

I'm a risk taker, a list maker. Touched an oven once, now I'm a star baker. You're struggling to finish the test? Lemme help, I'm the lead grader

This shit is fire, check it out if you haven't bsky.app/profile/tetr...

They should invent a tense between 1st person and 2nd person. For when you're talking to the awareness that transcends all individual consciousnesses. Like 1st and a half person tense maybe

The antidote to any sort of nostalgia is recognizing that you can still replicate the old days. Miss watching VCR and playing gamecube? go buy those today, you still can! It's less about the old days and more about times with problems we've since forgotten.

Me collecting the paycheck: 😋😄🥰 Me being asked to do anything at all: 😬😮‍💨😭

Though I am a madman singing into a nothingness, I may at least take solace in that my voice is uniquely mine. Nobody could ever replicate my shit

Do white van rentals go up or down on halloween?

Never mistake cruelty for strength.

My spidey senses are tingling. I think I have a spider UTI

"I know what you're thinking Sojourn. Did she blink 5 times or 6? To tell you the truth- nvm they're all back"

me: Man, I could really use a thesis right now a cruel angel:

Everything in life either is or isn't a dichotomy ...or it's the way out of another dichotomy

When you are pure of heart no amount of earnestness is Cringe. When you are a malevolent little freak no amount of sarcasm is enough to make you cool

me: ugh god you know how you make plans for friday night but then friday night gets there and you don't want to do it and it feels sooooooo good to cancel? my liege lord Daimyō Nobunaga (unsheathing katana): even a dog understands loyalty. She whose word is not bond does not deserve to live

Do u sex machina

Self discipline without love is self punishment love without self discipline is indulgence

I am the Magnus Carlsen of doomscrolling

Just realized how different the statements "put your money where your mouth is" and "put your mouth where your money is" are

Starting a religion where the sun is the god and GPTs are the devil. Will not elaborate

Broke: Dogs are boys, cats are girls Woke: Cats are autistic dogs

It's called a head start because if you take it you start out ahead

Others with their content consumption referential opinion riddled mindsets. Me with syncopated ass thoughts, finger on the pulse. Making things that are gonna hit profoundly in 35 years

Saw a bumper sticker that said "Practice Kindness". Yeah, I'm only practicing

It ain't honest, but it's a much living

Scuba diver to guy who can't swim: "Yeah man, those underwater caves went on for miles. You should really try them out, crazy stuff going on there." Me to randos in queue: "Yeah man, it's grass for miles out there..."

(guy who doesn't understand the difference between water and fire) how do fish just... live like that...

RAGE AGAINST BEDTIME

Abraham LinkedIn

guy who pronounces Maine as MyNi

Manyapplepiss InDNA

So many quirks of society go completely unchallenged. tf you mean we pay $3.50 for 2% milk 98% water?

Gonna have to teach everyone from scratch that the president isn't your boss, he's your employee

ok, NOW they're perfect #Anza #gamedev

guy 1: i know the project wasn't a success... but you tried really hard on it. so we've decided to give you an ape for effort! :D guy 2: i think the phrase is "an A for effort". guy 1: (loud glass breaking sound, monkey vocalizations in other room) guy 1: uh oh! :D

new scam going around where they hire you for a job but pay you less than the value your labor produced

Like the old quote goes, anyone who would give up their liberty in exchange for security will live happily ever after, both free and safe

The eye exam is the perfect game design. That big E is a great tutorial that teaches you the basic mechanic. But it doesn't baby you and quickly gets hard as they introduce the small and blurry enemies.

Me: Can I have one of those blue milkshakes that symbolizes Grimace’s blood? McDonalds Cashier: (offended) We believe every beverage symbolizes Grimace’s blood

may I speak with the primary poster in your household?

Checking the "No food poisoning" box on DoorDash but it raises my price by $2 so I frown and uncheck it

Life is a lot like playing a game of soccer. I'm not a big fan of soccer, but mom signed me up and I'm here now, so I guess I'll try it out

Don't sweat the small things. But don't sweat the big stuff, either. Just never sweat

When I was younger and full of dread, I searched for people who were like me. Now, I know who I am. I search for people who are more like themselves instead

BLITZER: Now we’re getting reports that one of the bullet casings was engraved with a message saying that if you are reading the casing, you are gay. We must warn our viewers we’re about to show the photo and don’t know at this time whether the engraving is what makes you gay or if it just tells you

(2nd grade Detective voice) The world's not all picture books, naptime, and coloring sheets, kid. It's got tummyaches and math homework in it too