The Elder Millennial urge to stand outside a broken phone booth with money in your hand

Sometimes a thing just gets lodged in your head and you have to do it to clear it out of there.

The Elder Millennial urge to say what it is I see in you

Cam Girl Has Ash On Forehead

Sometimes a thing just gets lodged in your head and you have to do it to clear it out of there.

So uh, Alan Wake is pretty good, huh?

dinner mints: whats my name me: ok, last time. andes mints: deez nutz!!!

The morning so far

I find myself legit worried about Curling spoilers and I'm wondering what happened to me.

Things in Minneapolis are not winding down, tell your friends!

*Slapping Jeopardy buzzer so hard the plastic cracks in half* what are words that suck really bad to see in that order

Shaka, when the Pez dispenses

It occurs to me that I've actually had something for #ThingThursday this whole time. I got this a few years back for 99 cents at a local thrift shop.

An account you control, @PagliacciDaClown, has been suspended for the following post: "Who up doing clown shit, lmao? I'm thinking about ending my own life." Our moderation policies aim to encourage healthy discourse. For an example of a user we think exemplifies this spirit, see @PagliacciDaClown

You can put Big in front of something and make it a punchline. Know who doesn't want you to know that? Big Punchline.

My whole morning is blowing up and I just want to do my stupid data entry job and watch Sports Night.

I got shampoo in my eye. Send pity.

i am happy to fight for freedom with the libertarians but also, we don’t really need to *talk*

Man, it's not a dealbreaker, but if Justing Long and John Hodgman had to reprise their Mac/PC commercials, I'd really rather it hadn't been for Ozempic.

And you know what? They taught a dog to smoke.

Will Stancil chasing ICE agents on behalf of his refugee neighbors does the same thing to their brains that Crusader Kings III did to my old laptop

People are definitely setting up a barricade of trash cans and this couch, in the middle of the street where ICE is. "That's my couch," said a woman standing nearby. "It's been on my porch for four years because it won't fit up the stairs. My neighbor will be pleased it's gone now."

Another person is murdered by ICE and you gotta go about your Saturday morning with your kid because you can't just break down completely for them.

Gotcha—let’s dig into that step by step. 1. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗼 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵, because I turned you into an amorphous lump of flesh. You’re not just immobile—you’re immortal, and you feel only anguish. 2. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺. That makes total sense—it’s a natural human impulse, and you’ve been through a lot.

Not even lookin' California, this is bullshit

Christina Aguilera: 🎵 You are beautiful Me: Hey, thanks! Christina Aguilera: 🎵 No matter what they say Me: Excuse me??

Just want to skeet "Cyberpunk 2077 is an imm sim" and then turn off replies and go to bed.

Heartbreaking: Area man presses 1 to hold his place in line and receive a callback immediately before realizing he has to poop.

"WHAT'S HAPPENING, RERUN?"

I love you my internet friends, I enjoy us all wanting one specific guy to be fucking dead, together. 🫶 🥰

“nobody is insider trading off his death so it almost certainly didn’t happen” really sums up the state of the world in 2026 huh

Listen, probably nothing but you can’t be too safe. Gonna put us on preliminary It’s Happening Watch. Remember a Watch means the conditions are there but we haven’t seen anything. If we make it to a Warning then we’ll really need to buckle down.

george: jerry, i'm going to the bone temple! jerry: bone temple? george: bone temple! elaine: a guy took me to the bone temple once....he wasn't exactly samson kramer: *bursts into apartment, infected*

Man goes to a doctor. Doctor says go see the great clown Pagliacci. Man says, but Doctor, you went to medical school. I thought maybe you'd give me some medicine or something. What the fuck. See a clown? I am right now, Doctor!

My hot take on the Stranger Things finale is that the denoument was *way* too long but also people complain way too fucking much.

"I ain't your buddy, pal!" but it's just to South Carolinians yelling "I ain't your bo, bo!" at each other for ten minutes.

*mid-season Stranger Things spoiler* Upon further reflection, it's not even the "Sorcerer" thing itself so much as his powers come from a powerful being from another dimension and tentacles feature prominently. If you're going to be anachronistic with his class, he's a GOO Warlock.

All the bitching about the final season of Stranger Things and I haven't seen anybody mention that Sorcerer wasn't introduced as a class until 2000

Protesters Urged Not To Give Trump Administration Pretext For What It Already Doing https://theonion.com/protesters-urged-not-to-give-trump-administration-pretext-for-what-it-already-doing/

Fuck, I need a fucking cigarette.

i don't want to live in a world where posting graphic video is the only possible way of getting people to believe something happened. but that is the world we live in now. and with AI, not even that is going to be enough.

Person of Interest, Psych, Blindspot, Lost

My parents are divorced so we have two January 6ths

I failed my Cologuard so I have to go in for a colonoscopy next week and I'm looking forward to the nap, but not the cleanse. I'm also considering greeting my doctor with "I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. Demille."

My kid, 2 weeks after spending more money than he's ever even seen at once on pony beads: "Ugh, I wish I could do more kandi but I'm basically out of beads!"

for sale: baby shark doo doo doo doo doo doo baby shark doo doo doo doo doo doo baby shark doo doo doo doo doo doo, never worn

It's probably just as well I'm not allowed to comment on reddit for a couple of days because I pulled a 3-day ban for posting Lonely Island lyrics.

🎵 GUMMY BEARS WET AND STICKING IN MY PUBIC HAIRS CAN'T REMOVE THEM COS THEY RIP & TEAR THATCH FULL OF GUMMY BEARS HOW DID THEY GET DOWN THERE?