Yesterday I saw my grandparents and asked what they were doing for the rest of the day and the answer was "having a caramel Magnum for the first time"... You know what. Absolutely solid plan.

Help! I took a late 20s man to the aeropark for my birthday and now I've lost him to the hangars.

Reluctantly accepting that 29 may well indeed be my late 20s.

Here is a bad photo of me by a reservoir

I nearly escaped The Ritual but thankfully Michael got to me just in time (my birthday is actually tomorrow)

The local police posted the picture of a man who is now banned from every Tesco in the whole city and unfortunately he looks like Ed Sheeran so there are six hundred Facebook comments making the same joke.

Enjoyed the Italian small boy in the café today who shouted NO!!!! NON MI PIACCIONO I RAISINS!!! NO!!! very loudly

Ha ha, yes yes (sickos)

We're doing Fantasia on Greensleeves at community orchestra and nobody else knew that the other song mixed in the middle is Lovely Joan...civilisational decline etc etc!

Love a bit of urban nature.

Derby.

Thinking about Direct Line (using my annual leave well) and my confusion as a child that they advertised it as a good thing that they didn't appear on price comparison websites.

Half-Italian boyfriend claims the existence of tuna and sweetcorn pasta bake is "a safeguarding issue".

NO

I feel like Britain's 2022 Eurovision entry must have been an accident at this point

Streeting resigns and then a thunderstorm starts?

Wesley Paul William Streeting (/ˈstriːtɪŋ/; born 21 January 1983) is a British politician who served as Secretary of State for Health and Social Care from 2024 until his resignation in May 2026.[1] A member of the Labour Party, he has been Member of Parliament (MP) for Ilford North since 2015. Stree

Oh no, everybody is thirsting over my local MP

Local therapy referral app offers a wide multiple choice range of pronouns and then has "female homosexual" and "male homosexual" as sexuality options so I'm not really sure what the vibe is here.

Enjoyed the French family on the tube where only their very small son realised I could understand.

Where do I want to go for dinner in or near Brixton that won't cost more than about £20?

Remembering the very specific experience I had as a child which was seeing on a documentary my parents were watching that the Victorians used green paint that had arsenic in it, and worrying all green paint was therefore poisonous.

Obviously it probably won because of world events (which I think is completely fine and uncontroversial - sorry to the purists) but I've been listening to Stefania on repeat all morning and it is a bop 🇺🇦

James is trying to explain Feeneyism to me. To ME.

youtu.be/zmJcPpfO6To?... this is what my brain plays as I fall asleep

🗳️ ConstituencyClick 392/650 — Shadow Cabinet 🟥🟥🟩🟨🟨🟥🟩🟩🟩🟥 play.jmoxley.co.uk

🇷🇴🇷🇴🇷🇴

Do I want to swap my driving test to October in Derby, which I know very well, or keep it in June in Burton? Which I do not know well. Unfortunately theory expires in November. Derby tests are very very hard to get.

OK...no.... I was only searching one song

Has Kemi considered the UFO train? May help her out at the next set of locals.

Are you ever so tired you feel you need to somehow be medically, clinically put to bed?

I know we all know that the police could, in fact, track down mobile phones if they thought it was worth their time, but it is nonetheless galling to have it confirmed.

Rather relieved we don't have council elections this year.

Guess which dairy product this is about.

Just fyi that the NHS is still receiving an unusually large volume of calls right now, as it has been on every day since late 2010.

Alas for the fish dress I have bought this as an early birthday present to myself instead because it is the nicest thing I have ever worn.

She can see three pigeons on a roof on the other side of the road.

I think this may be deranged but I kind of love it, alas just not in a "spend more than one hundred pounds on it" way.

Remembering how much 13 year old me inexplicably loved the song Sugar Me.

I was going to make a joke about the word gerrymandering being invented by a guy called Gerry Mander but the actual etymology is even fucking weirder??

James just looked at a picture of me from 2021 and went "you were trying to use makeup, clearly"... 🫪😭

6 years without lovely little Chanel.

Trying not to perpetuate stereotypes around parallel parking but I am not enjoying it.

My mum is singing Pink Pony Club which is not something I thought she was familiar with

Every single fucking time there’s an antisemitic attack people immediately jump in with this bullshit. Fuck all the way off.

Good grief

Sometimes wonder if my local bus company has any conception whatsoever that people rely on their services to get to work.