Just nipped up the road to get some milk, and honestly, you can barely move for the Taliban roaming around, making sure everyone's adhering to Sharia law.

Siri, what is irony?

My mate, parking.

If you see this quote post a concert picture you took.

I can't help thinking that if Trump stopped behaving like a cunt it might make America great. Just me obvs.

Just thinking, if you had a mate who was a proper Christian and you were having a chat with him and he suddenly disappeared, you'd probably shit yourself, right?

FEELING bad about the Rapture? CAN'T GET with the programme? NEVER FEAR! Order some Raptoriazepam right here, right now! Guaranteed to make you shit in seconds! Get it HERE! Send £20, cash, to my home address. No receipts.

Been out for my final lunch and you're all still here? Has it been cancelled?

Happy Rapture Day!

Tuesday

If a doctor says "it might be cancer", how long should you wait for a biopsy? It isn't me btw.

Become ungovernable #BecomeUngovernable

Once the rapture's over can we use the churches on weekdays?

Are you seeing this Mr Chief Secretary? Are you reading this if not why not! @darrenpjones.bsky.social

Deport? Nah mate, Cunt is the most popular word in British Politics

Happy Rapture Day to all who celibate.

Anyone know what this is called? It's a plastic cap off an inflatable rc plane tyre valve.

What I'm wearing to the rapture

But he said he didn't do it in porpoise.

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz348bs

What I'm wearing to the rapture

Mrs Balls says she's recognised Palestine as a state. It's a heck of a state actually. Mind, I can read a number plate at 25 yards so I reckon I win.

Trying to explain to my Indian colleague why we went to 33⅓ rpm from 78 rpm whilst also playing with my model RC aircraft simulator. That's called multi-tasking, I think. Now I'm wondering which arsehole decided it should 33⅓ rpm.

Chicken Syoop!

Apparently Tomorrow, 23rd September is the Rapture.

When you see a hare running through the fields, it really is quite magical, please sign, I love these big hare lads, and we should be protecting them at all costs xxx

I'm playing bowls on Tuesday like Francis Drake did before beating up the Spanish Armadillo so does anyone know what time the Raptor is coming please 🙏

Thoughts and prayers with all the rapturists off to that heaven with their guns and prejudices.

News from Pengyville: bloke over the road had a heart attack at 59. Should be OK. Mate (82) has been given the bum's rush by his missus (69) and she's nicked the house. Bush Hotel, Farnham, does a smashing roast, tons of veg. Wine time!

Quote post a pic and say your age.

Doing this for breakfast. Don't worry, I haven't been kidnapped, just forgot to defrost the sausages. www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/mexi...

Agree.

Cheers 🍻

Spudcake season is once more upon us, lads. Here's a single-spud one, atop a buttered granary slice, wivaneggon. Breakfast of champions* *darts

Dismantled the big garden table parasol. Washed and dried. Fought to put it back on its mounting. Put it in the kitchen, it slid and fell onto the only hook in the room and it ripped a two foot hole in it. Bollocks.

Belgian aeroplane shown here, hovering above Heathrow waiting for the baggage to arrive.

Password: cat www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Happy birthday, ¡feliz cumpleaños! @xxhi-its-lauraxx.bsky.social

The yoke. Be more specific. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article... Good morning. RIP

literally no one should be worried.

I'VE HAD AN ABSOLUTE CUNT OF A DAY (K.B.Wilson)

Corbyn and Sultana showing they're as good as the rest of them at washing their dirty linen in public. We really do deserve better than all of them. And I mean all.

You know what we don't talk enough about? Robert the amateur magician doing his 'escape act' on Sky Star Search (1990). One of my favourite segments of TV ever broadcast Guest appearances by Keith Chegwin, Rustie Lee and Jim Bowen

They're only doing it cos they can't spell defence.

Me eating spaghetti

Off for my first, and possibly last, model plane flying lesson tomorrow. No, I have no idea either. Also, don't practise indoors.