whatever you do don’t ask their age

Doughnuts. Bin them and get a massive Battenburg with extra marzipan.

Took me 5 minutes

Going out for lunch so that's another day on the lash.

Had people round. IRL. My disbelief that people can be that stupid remains intact.

The emails do not indicate any wrongdoing. Good morning!

3,000,000 pages. Ffs how old was epstein?

I suppose the older you get the more people younger than you pop off. Such is life, and death. Grim can wait.

Oh fuck. Goodbye Moira Rose ❤️

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

I require a tug.

PSA: The Indian government website looks like it's 1980. It also doesn't work. I hope the boat is better. UP THE GANGES!

Daddy bear: My porridge is too hot! Mummy bear: My porridge is too cold! Baby bear: Bacon tastes great hot or cold... just saying.

I haven't had the telly on because they're all cunts and I can live without a flickering mess in the corner of the room. You?

I was like - ok, might not be my choice of decor but it looks decent, ok, ok. And then one slide hits different…

5 jobs I've had: Airline Pilot Film Star Rock God Prime Minister Inmate at Psychiatric Hospital

Sausage.

This Noem lass is definitely packing botox.

Someone on here alleging Brits just swear for the sake of it, the cunt.

Sorry to soil my timeline but this did make me laugh…you? Took me a moment… Greg Bovino was asked how he felt about his demotion today. "Well, obviously, I'm not happy", he replied. Someone in the crowd shouted back, "So which one are you?"

*packs bag* www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Incandescent with rage so not posting. But I'm lurking and I'll be back. Thank you for your attention to this matter. Pengy ❤️

Donald J Trumpf doesn't drink, just saying. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

I fancy a Chicken Chandra for lunch.

Downfall Bovino Edition. You're welcome.

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This is excellent news, although following on from both Mary Berry and Prue Leith, she has some pretty big Chouxs to fill.

Does everyone in America have weird names like Rubio, Bovino, Noem etc? Or joke names like Fart, Followthrough, Trump? Are there no ordinary names like Tarquin and Rupert?

Oh, it's OK.

Looks like it's going to get a bit lively out there ☹️

Sausage, sausage, sausage, sausage, sausage and sausage. Granary farmhouse medium sliced. No.

Barry White.

I've ordered $300 worth of circuit board which has very little chance of working. But at least I tried.

'Now, my love, you've got the trouser press, the set of allen keys and the kiddies' deep fat fryer, as well as £34. Do you want to keep that, or gamble against what's behind Bully's Prize Board?'

Rest in Peace Alex Jeffrey Pretti🙏🏾 The VA ICU Nurses send him off right 💔

I am reaching for the cider, which will make more sense than the current box of dicks that are currently determining what I should or should not be doing today. If that fails I have rum.

I am having a Monday. Not a particularly bad one or good one, just one. I blame the rum I had because the red wine ran out. I hope your Monday is a good as it can be. Perhaps Tuesday will be kinder.

Has Carole Cadwlladr got a letter missing? Couldn't she just borrow the E off of Carole and shove it before the R?

I remember the first real terrorists, the IRA, cowardly murderers who wore masks. Balaclavas. Bit like ICE. If you sympathise please fuck yourself x

“ARE YOU A PENGUIN?”

You asked for better quality vegetables. We listened and gave you a brand new box at the top saying "What's up?" If bluesky were a supermarket. Wankers.

I have a penis so I expect to be arrested for rape.

Bore off.

Riddle: what's the difference between Putin, Kim Yong, and Trump? I dunno, has Trump dropped anyone from a window yet?

How long before Tronald Dump claims the video was done by ChatGPT then?

Well played NYT

Just tried to buy my grandson a cowboy outfit for his birthday, but apparently I.C.E. isn't for sale.