Picking up Christmas donations bags for the Lions today so I'm up at 7am ON A SUNDAY Good morning!

Or it could be a copy of this.

day 2468 of hitting the pizza button on the microwave and still no pizza

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: six geese-a-laying, FIVE GOLD RINGS, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree. Goose, calling bird, hen, dove, partridge and pear omelette. Yum.

Won a SUBSTANTIAL* prize in the lottery lads! *£5.50

Don’t tax the billionaires though, eh, lads 🤪🙄

Guy Fawkes signature before and after watching this World Cup Draw

Croats

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD USE HYPHENS

I'm pretty sure we'd beat them.

Invited out for dinner at 8pm. 8pm is bedtime, wtf is wrong with people?

Peace prize? Wtaf? World's gone batshit. Sake.

Nigel Farage: A cross between a poorly-wiped arse and Jim Davidson's internet search history.

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz351bs

Hearing aids would be good

"Let's just take the subway...." The Subway:

FUCK OFF YOU FAT HAIRY BASTARD. I fucking love cats. They take NO shit.

Same www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Nice folk

I invite you to do festive shopping in my emporium of daft things 🛒🐦 hellohalloweeno.etsy.com

Why is every single delivery company such utter shit? Apart from DHL obvs.

I'm sure this should be What A Fucking Haircut.

Stop talking about P*t*n. It's the only thing he's afraid of.

What's your favourite wine and why is it Puligny-Montrachet?

UPS have developed the world's first teleportation mechanism.

Anyone know when advent is?

Twelve good men and ... Poo.

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me Twelve prisoners missing ... ... Two still missing And a very embarrassed Lammy

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me: two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree. Ate them.

A story in two parts:

My brain is hurting. I don't really want to do this work today.

To be considered a genuine Cockney Christmas tree, you have to have been planted within the sound of the baubles.

New Xmas name. I'm terrible at names but I have chicken thighs for dinner so that's a bonus.

Someone tell me why a SSL certificate costs £60 a year then tell me how I can get it for about £1 because that's all I'm prepared to pay please. #takingTheFuckingPiss

Anyone know when Black Friday is?

Happy Christmas!

We all ready?

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz350bs

They're small. Muddy knees. Higher voices than adults. Easy.

Can't actually remember being quite thus pisses ever

Introduce yourself with 5 things you don’t give: A fuck A rat’s arse A shiny shit Etc….

Austin A35 (twice) Morris Minor Traveller Capri 3 litre Mini Cooper S Mercedes SL500 and loads more

People coming. Slow cooked pork. And this job. OK?

Idea Make billionaires try something that takes skill so they realise they're just like us. Examples Painting Crafting Making music Cooking

Why does a can of condensed milk come as 397ml? Good morning.