HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HORSES! IT IS HORSE BIRTHDAY! HORSE!!!!!

they don't tell you this, but the "MD" on mad dog bottles stands for mommy dommy

(daft punk One More Time voice) Auld Lang Syne

listening to early 2000s angsty midwestern pop punk garbage, this is like a nostalgia iv drip 😌

nature documentaries are so good when you don’t have a bitch in your ear telling you it’s ai

going to write an emoji proposal to give 🗿 ffs

accidentally said "hashtag pos" instead of "slash pos" don't think im beating the cringe millennial gf allegations

down so bad I'm asking about shawty's roth ira contributions

names i would have accepted for the third installment in the Now You See Me franchise: - Now You Three Me - Peekaboo! (had they named the second part "Now You Don't" instead of Now You See Me 2) - I Know That You Saw Me Last Summer

every day, websites on the internet ask me if i want to try the new experience. i will never try the new experience

Jesus, can you hear me? Good, the comms are working. Now, you're gonna need to run if you want to evade those Roman soldiers. Hold down A to sprint. Go ahead and try it. ... Good work! You just might be the savior yet. Now pick up that AR-15 and let's do some target practice.

At last I reveal my process for my performance in JACK FROST (1998)

me: "hey do you want the admin login on your phone so you can see RSVPs as they come in?" thorn: 👁️👄👁️ "no"

doing a completely normal bride thing and creating my own wedding website with github pages and edge functions. it's still "free" if I've spent like 20 hours on it, right?

trick just looked at slack on my work computer and said "is that like discord but for work?" and I can't remember the last time I was this envious of someone

You, an ignorant fool: the Steelers shouldn't sign someone who's made transphobic comments to their roster, it reflects poorly on the whole organization Me, an intellectual: you get to do one hate crime for every playoff game you win us

The account which I normally don't quote (for basically this exact reason) has an updated account re: ICE. Pittsburgh, fuck yes.

boss being surprisingly cool about the month-long depressive episode I've been in. he suggested we take proactive steps to figure out what leave would look like whenever it happens again (this happens like 1-2 times a year) so that i don't need to figure anything out in the moment

A basketball team made up entirely of trans girls - great at dribbling, shooting could use some work

TOMBOY THE TENTH

having a suicidal internal monologue is kinda funny sometimes cuz it'll be like "hmmm we need dish detergent. ah look at the time we're gonna miss the bus, better hurry. oh good these potatoes are still good K̵̡̢̛̝̘͔̑̄̐̓͗̈̓̑̋̒͌͑̏͗͜I̷̪͉̱̹̫̲̜̩̥̥̟̥͌̇̈͗͛̀̀͛̇͋̄̽̉̋͌̌͘L̵̥͔̳̾̔͜ͅĹ̴̺̯̼̓̓͛͗̃͛̊͘͘͝ ̷̛̠͍̻̠̖͓͉̈̽̑͑̐͐͂͐͌̃̄͐̇̔͝͠Y̷͙͎͎͖̜̥̖̣̹̱̩̟̦̙̫̓̄̐̈̅̒̀͆͛̄͘̕Ȏ̴͇̲͉̯̬͒̒̀̊̀̇͒̆͌͛̈́͗͂͆̈́͝UR̷̡̡̛͎̻̺͉͚͙͎̤͎͒̈̏ͅŞ̷͉̭̜͓͎̻̜̤͚̬͋̈́̈́̊̃̈̾͝Ȩ̵̢̗̳͙̺͇̠͉͚̮̫̘̜̩͛̊̓̂̾̏͜Ḷ̵̖̝̭̲͆͗̽̍͋́̈́̈̃͜F̸̡̼̳̖͙̗̈͑̉̑͘͜͝. maybe we should make soup tonight. with the potatoes."

Al dente's inferno

Spotify listening age gap relationship

😩 /pos

fuck i have to come out to my family as a shambolic rube when i literally just came out to them as a fetid moppet last year

reject modernity, embrace tradition

websites every time i visit them for the first time

get rid of your doorbell cam. if you insist on having one for whatever reason, reolink has some that store everything locally making it harder (not impossible) for it to be accessed by state thugs

dear santa, i ain't mad, i just think it's fucked up that you don't answer fans

What should I say as a vegan when my uncle asks "you're really not eating turkey on Thanksgiving??" because apparently "you don't have gay sex during pride month" was the wrong answer

if you're transgender you have to post. if you accomplish something else then good. if you accomplish nothing else then good. but you have to post.

i miss when survivor challenges were just like. one guy tries to cling onto a pole while 3 other dudes try to pry them away kinky style

“But doctor, I am the Omelas kid!”

It's one guy. We can live in a utopia as long as you don't care about the suffering of that one guy

if you're still writing using the hero's journey, your mind is closed to all the possibilities

I was interested in literally every subject I tried and was very overwhelmed so I decided to just choose the one that seemed to be the quickest path to independence from my parents

Cam Heyward sounds like a sailing command that a skipper would say

constantly checking my weather widget to see if the rain looks like Saddam Hussein hiding spot

on type safety

10% of people think cilantro tastes like soap but 10% of THOSE people like the taste of soap

men named Kevin are pretty much lesbians

Every public rust bug drops productivity across the industry as every typescript developer rushes to post something obnoxious about it

they need to make a robot with a dump truck ass who gets the mail and then falls down

*giving fancy cheese to my Italian spouse as a treat* "you're-a Goud-a boy-a!"

when i inevitably leave tech it's going to be because of the constant stream of self-important condescension from the "doing this longer than you've been alive" types

every tech company has at least one principal+ engineer who no one likes, has seemingly no boss, has never been right about a single thing, and is only ever referred to by first name

twilight anesthesia? why don't you stop being such a baby and just twy heavy anesthesia?