55/400 I could really use some help affording groceries this week!

God I love it when people come to Pittsburgh on 4th of July weekend unaware of what's happening

The Reflecting Pool of Hormuz

i transplanted the akebia from our fence into my little tree sculpture that I've now pulled all the degrading electronics off of. excited to see if it takes root and gets all bushy

Guy who gets Jefferey Epstein and Elon musk confused dictating a bumper sticker: I bought it before he didn’t kill himself

we got married :)

i'm $50 overdrafted today and we need food very soon. any help you could send would be a huge help. it all adds up.

congratulations, graduates. i'm honored to speak at your commencement. this is a proud moment for you, your family, and your friends. the future is in your hands. and the most important task of the future is to feed the Gaping Maw (students start booing, one student yells "fuck the gaping maw")

how slutty should i dress for our combo bachelor/ette party. lossibly relevant context: i was told to bring a board game

Incredible

enough. i’m tired of github actions. it’s time for github consequences

github bot that autocloses every issue after 5 minutes by saying "the purpose of a system is what it does"

me when i don't want to pay my taxes but i keep getting mail from the IRS

god i hate landlords

new zealander everlee wihongi was due to meet with her lawyer yesterday. then ICE moved her to their most notorious tent facility in texas: 3000 people, highest death rate, most sexual assaults. and today, she disappeared off the system. please RT: www.webworm.co/everleehasdi...

chuck taylor always has my back, thank you chuck taylor

happy kinky reclamation of traditional family roles day to all who celebrate

we've sold your mortgage to Mr. Cooper. it's literally owned by Cenlar. PennyMac sold it to Fannie Mae. dude it's literally in the Newrez portal. you can now pay your mortgage on Amerihome. Shellpoint has purchased your mortgage from Rocket. just log into Roundpoint to pay right now.

unexpected root canal 10 days before my wedding let's gooo 👰‍♀️🦷

don't worry everyone, we're going to launch the omelas kids into low-earth-orbit so you don't have to think about them anymore

i hurt my back lifting sticks today I can feel my 20s slipping away from me

catch me screaming this prompt into a taco bell algorithmic drive thru, on foot, in your neighborhood soon

*gestures vaguely at the world* this guy bothering you queen?

need a bumper sticker for my f-150 that says "i bought this before elon transitioned"

me: *excitedly explaining that you can turn almost any planning task into an np-hard problem if you squint hard enough* our caterer: you're a week late on your second payment

asking my wedding guests to rate their level of beef with one another, turning the seating chart into a graph partitioning problem

Living sorta near a zoo is wild because any time I'm in my house there's a tiger about 2500 feet away

i need to get a lot of donations this week if i'm gonna be able to afford bills and basics for my family. maybe you can help! thanks so much for anything you're able to give.

Chat does this person secretly hate me

nevermind they've since broken their PR while biking to get chickpea pasta from my spouse

i think we're at ~a dozen invitees that won't be at our wedding due to safety concerns about traveling to/from the US right now

sometimes it feels like my 20s are slipping away from me

Next season of The Pitt is set during the weekend of the NFL draft

Rent is due TODAY and I’m raising funds for a Minnesota immigrant family in need! This family affected by ICE is in need of $1958 to avoid imminent eviction. Can you help them stay safe and housed? V: @Ian-Coldwater CA: $iancoldwater PP: @coldwater Please share and help if you can! Thank you! 💛

Oh so now copyright matters.

"Don't worry babe, I'll wear the strap tonight" *tightening the joy-con around my wrist*

i always have to go back down grocery store aisles because my mind wandered and I didn't absorb anything. like re-reading pages of a book but it's an Aldi

what chapter of Invisible Cities is this from?

I'm gonna start calling these bitches Beyond Meats Inc. the way they're out here inventing new types of beef

fucked up that i have to find shoes to wear for my wedding instead of just floating on an ethereal mist 4 inches off the ground

Holy shit we might have a cure for sickle cell anemia

can't even sell a painting on facebook marketplace without getting mansplained to

Cam Heyward sounds like a sailing command that a skipper would say

horrified to learn that my boyfriend regularly tries to drink a full soylent in a single gulp

A married mom who works one job, who loves her kids but won't actually say it

oh good another beautiful Pittsburgh day getting fucked up by Clairton coke works smog slowly poisoning us all