First they came for me (Jews) then they came for me (leftists) then they came for me again (trans people) then they continued to come for me (public health researchers) then they came for me once more (trans leftists) then they came for me but oh my god it's even dumber this time (autistic people)

Last time the trans cashier at Walgreens said "oh my god I LOVE your dress!" This time I got "have a nice day." I must do better.

Being poly and having an ownership kink I understand what it's like to be a timeshare

A middle aged white woman just got to tell me I look good in a dress I was trying on at a thrift store, she's gonna be riding that Ally high for weeks

girlfriend, in the most disappointed voice possible: I saw you were posting today

I want to open a restaurant called "food near me" where everything about the food and ordering process is carefully tailored to the needs of someone who procrastinated on figuring out dinner and is now on the verge of a meltdown

Looking for someone to explore my breeding kink with me (research local school districts, discuss screen time boundaries, comparison shop car seats, meticulously budget for college savings...)

"Labradoodle" comes from labrad(or) (p)oodle, therefore "goldendoodle" makes no sense because there's no D at the end of golden. It should goldenoodle, pronounced like "golden noodle."

Can I kick it? And by "kick it" I mean infodump about a hyperspecific topic until everyone besides me is bored and slightly uncomfortable

My true transition goal? MtFtMpreg

Training an AI to constantly check my texts and social media to make sure no one is mad at me

I keep forgetting to breathe... maybe a pneumonic device would help

i need a yinzer version of that Malatesta voting pamphlet

I'm so good at having a girlfriend, I wanna try out having a girlenemy

The so-called "rabies vaccine" is a government conspiracy to prevent us from developing superpowers after strange animal bites

Yes we know there are unknown unknowns, but what about the unknown unknown unknowns?

boobs bigger

Do Americans have other vegetable holes?

Hitting it from behind while listening to Rumours... Fleetwood Macshots

So apparently tank top with plenty of side boob + crossbody bag = nip slip at the grocery store? Why did nobody tell me??

It takes two to tango, but it only takes one to instigate a mosh pit

Bubonic plague? More like boobs on my face

"Yes, and" in the sheets, "no, actually" in the streets

Yeah I have a PhD... a Pretty huge Dick!! ...no but seriously I did get my doctorate today

please, Richard Pictures is my father

Aldi is two typos away from being ABDL

UPMC's business model really does something for my vore kink

Not enough songs about ladies who aren't single but are still available

My life is just one long pornographic film with A LOT of plot between the scenes

HRT didn't make me hot because it gave me big ol titties, it made me hot because it made me a confident person who loves my body. Specifically, I love that I have big ol titties.

Nobody ever talks about stirred baby syndrome

Heavy are the hips that wear the strap

Bringing a "God hates fags" sign to the pride parade to trick hot gay people into making out in front of me

Saying no to social things so I can sit at home and do nothing? Best feeling in the world Saying no to social things because I have to work? Awful, disgusting, the absolute worst

Ending with "and that is why..." any time I explain something so that if time loops back to the beginning of my explanation it will flow seamlessly like a short-form video

Seasoning my tofu with soy sauce and having a side of edamame. What can't this bean do??

The sound booth at Roboto has a secret button they can press to synchronize the colors of the robot's eyes and they never press it because they hate autistic people

I serve constantly and rarely get thanked for it

Hot take but bitches these days don't prioritize parsimony enough when performing model selection

Crazy thing about me? I don't actually care if my regression models violate homoscedasticity assumptions

Massachusetts zip codes are so toddler coded

I love having a husband (non-binary spouse) who provides (finds and saves good TikToks) for me and our children (our cats)

We don't have to pretend all babies are cute

Calling everyone in my phone to say "I'm sick" in a pouty voice and then immediately hang up

Why waste money paying for a sauna when you can simply lock yourself in a car on a hot day?

Update: I'm in a band, I'm the lead guitarist

Acted so bratty while cooking lunch together that my spouse's google watch "detected signs of stress" from their pulse increasing So proud of myself rn