Life just hasn't been worth living since I ran out of my Cajun spice blend. Call that seasoning depression.

but you know what did hit in new york

I'm autistic, which means I have the power to make anything fun AND the power to take the fun out of anything, depending on how hungry I am

@pghguy.bsky.social the "enjoys training people" in your bio goes hard

Popcorn + nutritional yeast is a healthy dinner, right? I mean it's basically rice and beans

It would be so much easier to keep my home tidy if I didn't have to live in it

I might not be a packers fan but I am a fan of packers

You good babe? Lotta posting today

There's no top shortage, they just can't wear the strap because they all have back pain

t-boy wife t-boy life

I think I need to punch @evilace.bsky.social next time I see them

vegan pancakes making vegan pancakes :3 take some vegan and i put it in a pancake :3

I did one hour of outdoor exercise yesterday and I realized... I was kinda depressed this summer, huh?

nobody at this wedding knows that i’m secretly having an affair with the groom

Love as a verb. Care as a noun. Respecting as a marginal preposition. Fucking as a gerund.

After receiving a graduate degree the body floods itself with hormones that make you forget all the painful parts, an evolutionary strategy to make you more likely to put yourself through it again

So glad my airbags are /srs I'd feel so unsafe with a /s airbag, or, god forbid, /hj

Happy gocktober to all the chasers out there

Is there a quadruple sec?

The most intense PDA trigger is any kind of bumper sticker telling me to drive safely

*without

Boomers: I'll give you something to cry about Me, 20 years later, looking at the state of society, the economy, and the environment, crying: wow damn okay

First they came for me (Jews) then they came for me (leftists) then they came for me again (trans people) then they continued to come for me (public health researchers) then they came for me once more (trans leftists) then they came for me but oh my god it's even dumber this time (autistic people)

Last time the trans cashier at Walgreens said "oh my god I LOVE your dress!" This time I got "have a nice day." I must do better.

Being poly and having an ownership kink I understand what it's like to be a timeshare

A middle aged white woman just got to tell me I look good in a dress I was trying on at a thrift store, she's gonna be riding that Ally high for weeks

girlfriend, in the most disappointed voice possible: I saw you were posting today

I want to open a restaurant called "food near me" where everything about the food and ordering process is carefully tailored to the needs of someone who procrastinated on figuring out dinner and is now on the verge of a meltdown

Looking for someone to explore my breeding kink with me (research local school districts, discuss screen time boundaries, comparison shop car seats, meticulously budget for college savings...)

"Labradoodle" comes from labrad(or) (p)oodle, therefore "goldendoodle" makes no sense because there's no D at the end of golden. It should goldenoodle, pronounced like "golden noodle."

Can I kick it? And by "kick it" I mean infodump about a hyperspecific topic until everyone besides me is bored and slightly uncomfortable

My true transition goal? MtFtMpreg

Training an AI to constantly check my texts and social media to make sure no one is mad at me

I keep forgetting to breathe... maybe a pneumonic device would help

i need a yinzer version of that Malatesta voting pamphlet

I'm so good at having a girlfriend, I wanna try out having a girlenemy

The so-called "rabies vaccine" is a government conspiracy to prevent us from developing superpowers after strange animal bites

Yes we know there are unknown unknowns, but what about the unknown unknown unknowns?

boobs bigger

Do Americans have other vegetable holes?

Hitting it from behind while listening to Rumours... Fleetwood Macshots

So apparently tank top with plenty of side boob + crossbody bag = nip slip at the grocery store? Why did nobody tell me??

It takes two to tango, but it only takes one to instigate a mosh pit

Bubonic plague? More like boobs on my face

"Yes, and" in the sheets, "no, actually" in the streets

Yeah I have a PhD... a Pretty huge Dick!! ...no but seriously I did get my doctorate today

please, Richard Pictures is my father

Aldi is two typos away from being ABDL