oh to be a worm gently picked up and softly spoken to by my wife in our garden

need to find someone who’s into both Sabrina Carpenter and Star Wars to share an extremely niche meme

I’ve accidentally created lore at my nail salon that my two short nails are for my contact lenses

weirdly excited for gum surgery

Bees?? BEADS

In the WAGS section at the dog lure coursing competition

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about The One That Got Away being about Josh Groban

I’m so confused all the time and I just go through life like this

I’ll show you

Guys help! It stopped raining and my worm girlfriend is laying out on the sidewalk. I don't know what to do.

gardening in my PJs

imagine if you brought a bunny into a dentist office. think about how scared it would be

im at the dentist send good tooth vibes 🦷

remake of Barbie Mermadia where Barbie (as the fairy) is butch

it happened again

strep throat? more like strep GOAT

time and time again my fear of walking down stairs is reinforced

you’re telling me this surgeon does oral???

It’s My Wife by No Doubt

the way that men will stand in the middle of a space and not get the FUCK out of my way istg

i lost my bee-sting virginity today 🐝

I have keep-losing-my-sewing-needle disease

I canNOT have a repeat of rash girl summer

gonna put a mini trampoline in the yard for our dog

they’d call me the Leafblower

boywife is convinced there are studs in our walls

wish I could shrink my wife down and bring him to work in my pocket

this same coworker keeps telling me my “eyes look tired” girl keep that to yourself

queening out in my new queen bed

**MC is f*cking me raw up the *ss

What they don’t tell you about having a wife is so often she is At Work

swimming in paint

If trees had dicks my wife’d be sucken em

gas prices? more like ass prices

gender euphoria at the home depot

me when I buy a house

You can’t spell homeowner without MEOW! 😸🏡

Thinking about my wife 🥰 #wife

where does one go to get binoculars fixed? asking for a friend

me doing my taxes

apparently I’m like a honey glazed ham

Finnish? I’ll show u finnishing

Everyone’s talking about bull in a china shop but no one’s talking about moose in a yarn shop

you wouldn’t want to mistaken for a creepo in the Helsinki International Airport

honeymoon more like honeyMOOMIN

feeling spiteful toward the app that tells me when to sleep to avoid jet lag

6 hours of Kelly Clarkson covers

wuff wuff 🥺 bark bark

I’m Packing