something so gender affirming about wearing jeans and sandals! Like yes I slackline!!?

it’s not clopping to u that i’m standing on hooves

She Mac on my Roni until I creamy cheddar

I am going to pass away this evening from allergies

I need to get some tight bootcut jeans

My wife is drunkenly making a 50 slide presentation on pine cones I love her

Me when I see a dachshund: holy fucking fuck that body of yours is incredible

just got the sluttiest tattoos EVER I’m so stoked 🐾

I love finding grey hairs aging is beautiful Some day I will have all grey hairs like my mom :3

If I was a mermaid I would have an orca tail and nasty orca teeth

I’m doing snake play (eating one giant meal in the middle of the day)

Can’t believe my ball chaining ceremony is less than a month away

I’m something of a slimmelier

the slugs in PA are really something else

I was put on this earth to explain memes to femme lesbians with jobs

I have Will Graham level autism super power where I can look at any house in Pittsburgh and tell you how many beds, baths and market value. Soft ambient pulsing and everything. Also I walk backwards and open Zillow in reverse in my mind.

Austin won today (I ate pancakes for all my meals)

tone indicators more like toe indicators

I wish that cats could use tone indicators I feel like my cat would be using so many /hj s

When the unemployment is starting to taste like a Hannibal rewatch

Vermont is so evil because why is it -40 in the winter but somehow still always raining… dafuc

If anyone ever wants to talk about the Etruscan Shrew please don’t hesitate to reach out 🙏

Oh to be a cleaner wrasse going sicko mode on a grouper’s gills

Making it my personal mission to take out the Crown-of-thorns starfish #takebackthereef

Learning about “The biggest breeding event of the year” in the coral reef… I’ll show you Me when I Yada yada yada

I need to get my eyebrow pierced I’m gonna FREAK OUT

thinking about when I did Dear Evan Hansen fanart in high school but they were all snakes because I had snake autism at the time

my life got so much better when I stopped listening to skinny butches on TikTok

my wife is the ULTIMATE multitasker

I love my hoes #myhoes

When they invent HRT that turns you into a wolf it’s all over for you bitches

not to be emo but HRT saved me

I legitimately love the star spangled banner it’s such a good song I sing it every day

i love pittsburgh mayor Ed Gein

it has GOT to feel good to drive your truck circumcised style… especially after a long haul

boobs bigger

Still waiting to find out if I’m a boy or a girl

horses be like… oh HAYYY neigh 🐴

imagining a guy editing jump scares into creampie compilations

naming myself after jacking off

He’s so me you guys don’t even understand it

it’s Hollywood squares!

getting the urge to go on tiktok while on tiktok… it’s time to take a break

thinking about the Ellie X Dina x Jessie polycule…

I’m ham

Do you think if my wife pees on my hole it’ll fix my uti?