sorry (not really) for all the wormposting

oh to be a worm gently picked up and softly spoken to by my wife in our garden

Roleplay where you’re a worm in my garden and you’re trying to fall off the side so I pick you up and throw you into a different section

they don’t know about how I’m the insomnia final boss

every day I’m learning and growing against my will

Waking up at 5:20am to drive across the state to watch dogs chase a plastic bag around a field :3

Can’t wait to get home and get back in my BBT

Sometimes (often) I will wake up to the sound of my dog snoring and spend several minutes trying to decipher what she is saying before realizing it’s not words

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about The One That Got Away being about Josh Groban

Thinking about pod head ! Slob on my knob

MY POD IS HERE AND IT IS GLORIOUS

I just said “women” when I meant to say “doctors” just a glimpse into how womenpilled my mind has become

went inside so we can view the trees from a safe distance 🤨

they gave my wife the edible that makes it so there are 5 spiders on you at all times

nobody’s talking about how the texture of the tree is hurting my eyes

Always stretching your damn worm to unreasonable lengths

I’m so confused all the time and I just go through life like this

I’ll show you

mtf bottom surgery call that cuntstruction

happy pride month btw

accidentally confused Jefferee Star and Jeffrey Dahmer 🫩 very confused

Recently asked about my quality of life improvements with my new bangs thought I’d share - I’m like a horse -advantage for giving head

remake of Barbie Mermadia where Barbie (as the fairy) is butch

going to start calling anything I do “jacking off”

My wife’s jawline so lethal handsome squidward cowers in her presence

they should invent a super long acting lactaid pill so i only have to take it once a week

I set up something in my house that is so sexually perverse

queening out in my new queen bed

If my bedding doesn’t make me feel like I’m be EXFOLIATED I don’t want it. Get your smooth sheets away from me.

What they don’t tell you about having a wife is so often she is At Work

What they don’t tell you about having a wife is so often she is At Work

NO ONE IS DOING IT LIKE HER!!!

cried about Lady Gaga two times today which is increasing my weekly average ever so slightly

my sister seeing Lady Gaga in concert 4 times is like stealing resources from marginalized communities

By the way if you’re friends with me at some point you will become a dog it may not be soon but it will happen

Nothing better than starting the day with a (redacted), beef jerky, and apple juice

I’m so tired I just poured my dog a bowl of apple juice 🫩

April is autism awareness month who wants to suck my dick!??

If trees had dicks my wife’d be sucken em

gender euphoria at the home depot

my sister has been calling my new room “The Great Wolf Lodge” and I know she’s making fun of me but that is unironically so epic and true

My wife is anti autistic

buying a house has caused a serious relapse in my facebook marketplace addiction

Thinking about my wife 🥰 #wife

you wouldn’t want to mistaken for a creepo in the Helsinki International Airport

honeymoon more like honeyMOOMIN

wasn’t prepared for the amount of low taper fades I am currently seeing

6 hours of Kelly Clarkson covers

I love PA what do you mean we have Shartlesville AND Buttzville

wuff wuff 🥺 bark bark