i hate gay halloween what do you mean you’re slutty jesse pinkman??

I actually have to take off my shirt for your x-ray

me amassing soup recipes that everyone likes

It would be so much easier to keep my home tidy if I didn't have to live in it

Women like me even though I forget a lot of stuff and I'm a little boring and I don't take my makeup off . They do

what if chatgpt is just aliens testing us to see how dumb humans really are before they take over

“1 in the cooter 2 in the pooter” 8 words that should’ve never been uttered, but we can’t go back

still thinking about this post

resisting the urge to hit on a very obviously straight girl just bc her boobs look great in that shirt #lesbianmaxxing

i’m like if a lesbian also occasionally had sex with men

cramping at the club 🫶🏼 #periodmaxxing

i’m like if a guy had big naturals and long luscious lashes

sleep all day, fast food, boba, home, hamilton movie, nap, bowling, vodka double shot, home, weed, bar, pool table, nother drink, booyah

absolutely losing it over Orville Redenbacher's naturals

i’m like if a guy was addicted to lounging

just told my sister that instead of calling myself fat i’m gonna start calling myself a size queen

can somebody please invent willy wonka style candies that satiate ur appetite for 24 hours and also give u all the nutrients u need already. what year is it dafuk

Human sized dog bed? How do you know it’s not a human size cat bed?

what is it with men and ghosting? who told them that was cool?

nobody talks about how autism makes u so mysterious

i need to go to a lazy river soon or i might perish

guy who forgot to bring CBD on a 2+ week trip and had to pay $27.94 for some at a random smoke shop 💀

guy who goes on a cross country roadtrip then has to do 🐴 at 11pm in order to stop writhing around crying about severe back and leg pain…

nothing is better birth control than my friend’s kids (ages 4 and 2) screaming and crying on and off the entire day when i’m already exhausted and overstimulated, don’t get me wrong, they’re sweet and entertaining sometimes, but watching my friend’s face when the kids cried was lowkey depressing 😭

Fucked up that I’ll never know what it feels like to have my dick honked

i got to pet a little shark today and i think it was the most magical thing i’ve ever experienced, he was basically a little sea puppy and loved back scritches

only an hour left until we get to pensacola oh em gee

still thinking about this post

more people should be queer and in love

guy who gets stuck on toilet during roadtrip

sage and i can’t stop saying yinz yang and apparently it’s an actual business in pittsburgh and we are in fact not original

she breasted boobily down the aisle

polycules are annoying what do you mean my wife's boyfriend's boyfriend is getting married this weekend

nobody at this wedding knows that i’m secretly having an affair with the groom

the guy who helped me at the register was 100% high as shit and i love that for him

i’m so brave and healed from illness 🙏🏼

tfw ur out running errands, need to stop at a cvs for trip stuff, don’t realize the cvs is in a target, then realize it’s a target in different county than the one you’re banned in so you can actually go in

i hate being sick!!! i just cooked ground beef bc i needed to before it went bad, the sell by date was today, when i started cooking i was worried bc it smelled sweet, so i google a ton of shit and it’s inconclusive then seven comes into the kitchen and i ask them to sniff it, they say it smells-

Gay friend I have plans with in ten minutes: I’m running late Me, also gay, on the couch in my pjs: ok no prob

it’s not clopping to u that i’m standing on hooves

horseBOP!

horsemaxxing at hyperbop doing K, listening to pony, dancing like a horsey

there should be a separate honk for the back so i can beep at fart smellers #kebab #butfirst

the revolution will not be dance danced

about to watch my little pony high as shit hashtag unemployed

what a great turning point in my day

bb update: at this moment in time no one in the big brother house knows that charlie kirk was just shot #bb27

when the adderall starts to taste like i wanna become a gym bro again

saucy baka 😛