So I’m an idiot and wasn’t actually logging my weights correctly 😎

If being a reply guy is so bad why does it feel so good

Mom coworker gave me a pouch because she had to put my molten hot gnocchi in the fridge and now i have to wait

Lifted a whole van with my ass

Wish i had bigger nipples :c

@eepybruh.bsky.social probably does way more at work than i do so make sure to Venmo him a sensible $69.69

Coworkers remind me yearly about how Catholics love to make themselves suffer

Fever posting

Hieeeeee i just made sweet potato gnocchi from scratch because im italianx

Yall just need to teehee and hit post idc about this at all 😭

Everyone should shame nurse @eepybruh.bsky.social for not drinking enough water while being sick

Me dancing to Bad Bunny!

ooo…. lady gagita

don’t call me saying “the pharmacy can’t fill my birth control! Do something!” because if i call them and they say “yeah we told the patient we are out until a shipment comes in tomorrow” im going to lose my faggot mind

Gender affirming care

If my jokes don’t immediately blow up i immediately blow up

My car when the check engine light goes on:

Scrub

ᵐʸ ᴍᴏᴏɴ ᵐʸ ₘₐₙ

Oh I’m soooo gonna jerk off

:3

I’ve been told i don’t post enough hole so eat up 🍽️

University is closed but I still have to show up :D

This slight congestion is just another one of gods little tests

Uhhhhhjhhuuuuh i guess im going to work at some point tomorrow

Maggie’s today feelings

The gay riddler:

This tastes like shit from a butt

Love words of affirmation from my coworkers 😍

Biscoff cookies in ice cream sucked my clit fingered my pussy & made me squirt

Sick

Office so warm it’s giving me the sleepies

Clocking in to work after vacation

Oh ok

Do not sext with me if all you’re gonna respond with is “😈” or an equivalent

No nut November:

my critter eyes 👁️👄👁️

Monkey mayhem 🤪

Tiny baby monkey friends 😍

Also do NOT take your queer dance spaces for granted because i went to a hetero dance party and let me tell you

Still Cruisin’ and my neck is still sore BUT ☝🏻 I’ve made many friends so i will persist

Cruisin’ for a bruisin’

Saw a gecko :D

I’m not going to apologize for saying that a tropical house remix of set fire to the rain by Adele doesn’t need to exist

Pah-tooey

Things I’ve seen during my first night in Miami: 1) A lemur wearing a diaper on some dudes shoulder 2) a woman sprinkling salt from a Dixie cup onto the ground as she walked

Do you think the microplastics in my balls will help with my neck pain

Woman at the airport is either listening to reels in Russian at 3x speed or a minions video