God killing Lindsey Graham when we were all waiting for Mitch McConnell.

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AEW World Championship match on now. Don’t ask me for nothing.

As a repatriate, I can report that Mitch McConnell is not dead in the traditional sense but is instead on his "beach." His "Ka" is stranded and may turn into a "BT" ("Beached Thing," of course) if not able to pass on. If you encounter Mitch's BT, please do not disturb!

Forgot about Lester Bangs’ interview with Lou Reed. This is not a joke.

... It hurts, ... it hurts...

Very happy to announce that I have accepted an offer to be the ‘1’ in a 1 v. 20 Jubilee “Surrounded” debate video where the topic is if Pomeranians are the best dog breed (they are.) If you’re wondering whether or not I will be condescending, don’t worry, I WILL.

I will die having never seen this latest Jackass movie nor this latest Toy Story movie!

Sad to report that President Donald J. Trump has passed away after experiencing severe brain trauma as a result of his knockout loss in round 2 of his main event bout tonight. 🙏🕯️You lived your life like a candle in the wind, sir.🕯️🙏

Oh, I don't think you can carry any more.

Curly Howard looks great!

Stockholm - Sankt Eriksplan, Dec 24, Lomo’Instant Wide Glass, Instax wide I’ll properly crop this someday, just not today.

the Doug Mills video embedded in the NYT Trump aging story is pretty amazing

Foghorn leghorn ass “I say I say I say I’m an incredibly online pervert, son.”

FORGOTTEN WORLDS

this is legit one of the saddest things i have ever seen

Hmmm! youtu.be/lD91CxCo8-Y

Trump hosting a dancing ladies Gatsby party while the government is shutdown is so hack. So tropey. Get better material.

‪Hideo Kojima suddenly gets his next great idea.‬

Remember the good times

It's so funny to brag that "my doctors are constantly asking me to take cognitive tests and - you'll simply just have to trust me on this - I'm passing every last one!"

Oh my god some fucking tech dingdong posted this on Twitter with the caption "AI games are going to be amazing" totally seriously, you have to watch it. You have to. In full screen.

This is why they call him Mr. Aware-of-Things.

WATCH: ‘Portland Frog’ pepper balled by ICE agents

They call me Mr. Stung-Four-Times-By-Yellow-Jackets-Every-Time-He-Mows-The-Lawn

Trump at a 9/11 commemoration

Truly, what IS a "signature" anyway?

Stay alert.

Personally, I think Sacha Baron Cohen running Rudy Giuliani over with a car is going a bit too far for Borat 3 marketing.

Rudy Giuliani has found himself in the unenviable predicament of having collided with a car.

You credulous dopes. You absolute dimwits. He's not dead. He's simply in the middle of receiving his daily series of injections that keep him alive. "Oh! No one has seen him today!" Yeah! Well, he's been in the hospital receiving intensive intravenous care! More fool you!

Feeling a little silly tonight so I decided to fire a Governor of the Federal Reserve 🤪🤪🤪😜😜😜

You give me a good idea and five free minutes and I can make magic happen.

Aaron Rodgers. defector.com/why-your-tea...

Didn’t want to believe this was true. It’s true.

I'll make a break for it after my shift.

There is *zero* air gap between WWE and MAGA now, so just know I think you're fucking scum if you're still trying to justify watching that dogshit.

Nintendo's first tweet after Hulk Hogan dies. I know that's right.

Stephen A. Smith with a powder blue suit paired with an ALMOST powder blue tie. It doesn’t work. It looks a mess. #NBADraft

No! No!!

Best city in da world baby

broke: whoa! Pascal Siakam looks like Undertaker haaha! woke: my guy Pascal is doing the David Bowie uǝɥʇɐǝɥ pose

Donald Trump’s military parade is a big BUST! And speaking of big BUSTS…Marilyn Monroe’s “Some Like It Hot” is a big MUST for you to watch this weekend! From the Windy City filled with big GUSTS…I’m Gene Shalit!

My internal soundtrack for the Elon/Trump breakup is the Mario Kart World harmonica theme. Inextricably linked now in my mind forever.

This massive outrageous pork