📍 Feast your eyes: a fresh batch of cities where I’ll be yelling jokes at strangers! ✨ Check for your city & grab your tickets at mariabamford.com/tourdates

Fuck yea Carms! @thefunnycarmen.bsky.social

hello @anylaurie16.bsky.social & @thefunnycarmen.bsky.social will both do sets and I will have to follow that - come see that happen. And LA peoples- you keep saying you want to see me. this will be something

Christmas carolers but it’s just the ending of Sister Act 2

Had an incredible time tonight night hearing @thefunnycarmen.bsky.social’s new material! She destroyed! Thank you, Carmen!

First show at #Denver Comedy Underground was so rad! Come see me this weekend if you’re in the area! Look how cool this place is 🤩 www.denvercomedyunderground.com/events/120424

I’m streaming today if any of you fine folks want to come by and hang! Starting at 4pm ET/1pm PT m.twitch.tv/thefunnycarm...

Haaaaay wonderful humans! I’m gonna stream today 8pmET/5pmPT if you enjoy merriment & camaraderie w/ occasional swearing & jump scares. twitch.tv/thefunnycarm...

Books fought the law and the law…actually upheld the law.

See you Saturday! 😁

Oddly fun.

Bipolar is often compared to Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde, but I think Ferris Bueller and Cameron is a way more apt comparison.

⭐️ NEW DATES ADDED ⭐️ what that means is more MORE PLACES! and MORE OF “IT”, the SHOW! ‼️Get More Info and Tickets at mariabamford.com/tourdates

Flattering @buzzfeed.com but not my joke. ai write it maybe? but if you said to chatgpt “write a joke in the style of jackie kashian” i still think that wouldn’t come up. just a misquote? The still is from my last special - which is on @800poundgorilla.bsky.social yt. I am not in therapy.

Look at downtown LA right now

Doin a lil streamy stream today at 6pm ET/3pm PT if anyone is around! Gonna kill cult members (FarCry) n talk shit & tell tales of Limestone Comedy Festival. Hi🙋🏻‍♀️ twitch.tv/thefunnycarmen

Counting Crows is just Creed for girls.

If snitches get stitches, what do witches get?

Salutations cuties! I’m streaming on twitch today 6pmET/3pmPT if any of y’all are sound and seeking silliness & gamer nonsense. #gamergirl Twitch.tv/Thefunnycarmen

Some found art for your #caturday viewing pleasure & of course, Kira makes a splayed out appearance.

Happy 99th birthday to the man who gave voice to the wild. 🎉 Sir David Attenborough, thank you for a lifetime dedicated to the natural world, and for sharing its story with wisdom, wonder, and grace. You've inspired generations to fall in love with nature.

I’ll be at Dr. Grins this Thurs-Sat in the lovely Grand Rapids, MI. Come see me if you’re in the area! 🎟️🎟️ www.etix.com/ticket/e/105...

Guys complain that mothers get better gifts on Mother’s Day than dads get on Father’s Day but it’s just because they’re a buncha motherfuckers.

Ok ok hear me out, omelettes are just egg tacos

HOW CAN YOU SEE INTO MY EYES, LIKE OPEN DOORS? LEADING YOU DIEN INTO MY CORE, WHERE I’VE BECOME SO NUMB…

Get you a comedy club that keeps a cute puppy in the greenroom. Instant vibes! Deaf Puppy Comedy Club in Manteca, CA. Oh yeah, the shows have been splendid too.

TOURÉ REPORT TO THE FLOOR!!!!!!!!!!!

Back on my Spain bullllllshit🇪🇸

tomorrow jackieandlaurieshow.com w @anylaurie16.bsky.social and our first guest - Garafalo from live show @moontowercomedy.bsky.social

Sometimes I still wonder if George ever got his curiosity satiated…

Some comedy from my Hulu special “Cis Woke Grief Slut”

I have seen so many comedians delete and apologize for their april fools joke 💀 this era of comedy is COOKED no wonder no one speaks up for any real issues they dont even have a spine for jokes on the national day of jokes

He also plays video games here: Twitch.tv/conviktion

I just got back from the Farmer’s market and I’m not afraid to say it, I think some of these peaches gotta BBLs 🍑👀 Like what fertilizer are you using?!

Happy #Caturday y’all! Oh to be oblivious of our crumbling empire like Kira.

"The file already exists. Do you want to replace the existing file?" Do I look like a child to you? Like a little baby?

"move fast, break things" -a toddler's internal monologue

From episode 189 with the funny Saul Trujillo!

I’m pretty sure my cat just called me a cunt with her tail…

BREAKING: Elon Musk's rocket explosion nearly hit a commercial flight. This kind of content is being downranked on X. Please share it here. This is so dangerous.

Just saw a comedian get interrupted by fajitas. That’s a new one for comedy bingo for me. Just heckled by a hot pan.

Reenactment of Zelensky before knobjob and our schoolyard bully “leaders.” Keifer Sutherland playing role of the ghost of Putin.

Pro Wrestling is Real Housewives for boys.

Tonight I had one of those sets that was so fun it’ll make me say yes to a bad gig.

I think when you fall in love with someone who snores, it’s you paying a debt for something your soul did in a past life. 😴

8 am Wednesday highland park Maria does her hour: all proceeds go to @pophop bookstore! withfriends.co/event/228173...

"When you ride TESLA, you ride with Hitler. Join Public Transportation Today!" Reworked WW2 poster spotted in Oakland

I am a former incarcerated firefighter. I served in a California fire camp from 2009 to 2012. Misinformation is afire on the internet, so here are facts about the prison firefighter program, all in one place. A thread.