My band Slut Hotel, from Xbox 360 Rock Band, has officially decided to pull out of the freedom fair. We ask for privacy, peace, and the opportunity to heal..

Won our first curling match in my Sunday league 🥌

It's not enough to be a Maxxinista anymore. Now you have to be T.J.Maxx-maxxing

And I'm supposed to be attracted to this? www.examinerlive.co.uk/news/west-yo...

Oh so the Amazon spaceship blows up and now my cat food is going to be late, what the fuck?

Instead of the Pope using Lord of the Rings quotes about AI, he should probably start talking about the Butlerian Jihad from Dune

The band that played when Billy Madison passed the third grade has dropped out of the Trump celebration

Cool. Only 20% more to go.

I'm ok with just being outsitting in my field

Sorry to my space friends but it make me positively giddy when some rich douche bag’s rocket blows up.

Stop with the Bible categories on jeopardy

Always make sure to have a backup terrible idea

Can one of you just run for president on a platform of a 4-day work week? You'd win. Just issue an executive order and ignore all lawsuits and court decisions, and enjoy your 8 years in office.

What's the going rate to hire some Etsy witches to get some rain on the maga UFC thing?

It's not a true rotation without this guy on it

He wants to be the Corpse Emperor from Warhammer 40k

Two beef Wellingtons* for lunch and I'm ready for a nap *Sonic corn dogs

The good thing about data centers is that theyre flammable

Scrolling down the feed and calculating how many of someone's posts you're allowed to like before it becomes weird

This guy's got guts

The Oreos up at the front of that of the top opening system

Fuck it, ditching work and going to Flingers. I want some pizza shooters and extreme nachos. Let's get this 4-day weekend going

takes out my brain and throws it in the trash

Just had a client try to tell me that all days are business days because they work on the weekends. Yeah, fuck off with that.

Eat shit and live

Hey democrats, just run on abolishing AIPAC. No one wants that shit.

Monster Squad Reboot: Wolfman's nardmaxxing!!

Nintendo issued a formal apology for a controversial 1997 GamePro ad calling readers fuck faces if they didn’t play Donkey Kong Land III. paletteswap.site/dif...

This is great because people send me stuff and I often wonder if it's a scam or a con, and they are just letting me know what to expect here

Ok SportsCuts, I'd appreciate it if your stylists wouldn't give me weird looks when I ask for Josh Hartnett's Halloween H2O haircut

Imagine Brad Pitt looks in the box and its fuken Hello Fresh

DID YOU CONSIDER THE SHAREHOLDERS

Are they going to have Glen Powell be the next James Bond?!

Super cool to pay for the MLB streaming package only to have the interesting primetime games for your team not be available. See you on the high seas 🏴‍☠️

With the amount of times I've responded to these political text people by asking if their candidate would stop giving my tax dollars to Israel, I would assume that I'm going to be getting drone striked anytime now

*posts absolute dogshit and gets no likes* "Bluesky is dying"

Day was going good and then Reels showed me a random Dave Matthews Band clip and now I'm ready cleanse this world in flames

I did an Intro to Curling session and didn't fall on my ass, so I have officially joined the league. I will see you guys in the Olympics in 4 years.

🏗🫂💕🤝

Somehow Jared Leto will be part of this cast

I think it's cool that so many of you have named your kids after numbers

How big of a vessel till it gets considered a vat

Sorry I liked and unliked and then reliked your skeet. I was reading the comments like the creepy stalker that I am and my thumb slipped.

Hanging up a fake magic 3D eye poster that doesn't actually have a magic picture in it, and then keep saying "wow, you can't see it?!"

Part of the Conan Exiles update was an "enhanced endowment" slider. I figured they would just make the hogs longer, but Jesus Christ, this thing looks like Shai Hulud.

bluesky is kinda like the mcu except everyone's superpower is depression

Ok dude, you've said the word "mouthfeel" a few too many times