This little chode looks weirder than Jimothy the cryptid raccoon. Shut the fuck up, dweeb

I don’t care if I get the regular explosive diarrhea or the new special kind of explosive diarrhea, I will never not eat Taco Bell.

avoid peer pressure by eliminating all of your peers

Can we hear Mitch McConnell's thoughts on tonight's speech?

Define "explosive"

Arizona already doesn't change clocks for daylight savings. We should start now just to ruin everything.

call off work with taco bell diarrhea what are they gonna do

This All-Star game could have been an email

When are we getting the senator edition of Coffin Flop? I want to see Mitch and Lindsey busting outta shit wood and hitting pavement

Playing Russian roulette with a spicy potato taco

A fisherman can always spot another fisherman

If you don't have something mean to say, don't say anything at all

DeadSenatorMaxxing is so hot right now

Bad day to be a complete cunt.

I thought he was pro life

The good donut place was closed so we had to get Dunkin. Why the fuck did I even work this week

Getting your toe caught on an interior sock string should grant you 1 free murder

The looksmaxxing crowd should definitely transition to drownmaxxing

Throw yourself in the fucking ocean and rid us of your stupidity

Link is not happy with this vet visit

Pulling a Mitch and calling in brain dead for a few weeks

Putting the Storm Area 51 team back together to go storm Mitch McConnell's hospital room

One day you are young and cool and pumping out bangers at the C&C Music Factory, and then one day your songs are playing on menopause medication commercials

Let’s please steer the conversation back to my Nazi tattoo. by Graham Platner

We've upgraded to question mark status

It's very disrespectful to conceal Mitch McConnell's condition like this. There are some of us that would like to celebrate.

I’m so tired of them ruining literally everything.

look guys there are a lot of rumors swirling about mitch mcconnell right now so just a reminder about how important it is to make sure you're only sharing information that is properly sourced verified and credible or at least really fucking funny

Wait, the guy with the Nazi tattoos turned out to be a piece of shit? Crazy

Data center? I hardly knew her

New installment of The Purge but it's on July 5th and you're allowed to murder people still shooting off fireworks

Do they make movies without Josh Brolin in them?

My favorite part of McConnell'a press conference is when McConnell goes "it's McConnelin' time!" and then nearly fucking dies

If you’re a dude at 15 you have to pick a book to choose what kind of nerd you’re going to be. You can be a Dune nerd or a Tolkien nerd or a William Gibson nerd. This is like picking your starter pokemon

Quite the bitter being

Mythomaniac sounds a lot cooler than pathological liar

The jeopardy clue was Gulf of Mexico?!? This show is woke

wtf is going on with his hands

Putting in the same amount of effort at work today as our government puts in an effort to make our lives better

Ok I'm putting the over/under on when Mitch McConnell actually died as June 16th

I hope Mitch McConnell is alive so he can see how many people are eagerly awaiting the celebration of his death.

Have scientists considered figuring out a way to make the cost of groceries go down?

Okay, sorry everybody, but I am just going to have to declare today is Thursday. I can't do another day this week

Work just took a shit on my soul all day and my Garmin watch has the audacity to say "looks like you had an easy day"

I got so much done today, it was terrible

What's the over/under on this?

I'm not trying to win Emmys, I just want to be MAGA Tyler Perry

That mosh pit is fucking weak