Currently in the process of moving all of my posted and unposted (as in: will never BE posted) fanfic off of Google Docs and my various notes apps to put it all on ProtonDrive and let me just say: there is no one on this earth who was as obsessed with Riff from Trolls as I was.

What do you mean I randomly fought a shiny Dynamax Growlithe, caught a shiny Sprigatito, and hatched a shiny Rowlet from my daily 1km egg??? Hi?!

Not to diagnose myself but on Friday I saw a Mother's Day flower stand like the ones I used to help my mother set up and I only barely almost crashed the car I was driving, so the PTSD might be getting better. This is year...4 since last I saw my mom.

Boomers think millennials are all 16-20, zoomers think we're all 50+, everyone hates us for some reason, I'm so tired.

I told Varun "we have a problem" and the split second of fear on his face before I said "I think a One Piece character is hot" made me feel so powerful. I don't even think he realized he looked afraid.

hot take: women are less likely to use AI because we’re quick to clock flattery as a tool of manipulation

"i don't want to read a book about someone else's oc" hey quick question what do you think books are about

"I wonder if Florence Welch has a favorite Pokémon" and other things I think to myself while peeing for the first time in three hours after standing and jumping and singing through the whole concert, while actively needing a cane to get around 🤪

Comics are BACK, baby!!!

Boxer is killed in ring. Resuscitated. Now able to see ghosts. Now able to TOUCH ghosts. Starts business going to haunted houses, and beating the fuck out of ghosts. GHOSTBRAWLER. From the guys who did CHEW.

🎸

another day, another woman being unfairly maligned for having a hobby

presented without comment bc she already got murdered

Sadly, it appears that you can’t judge a man based on the fatness of his ass.

If you see this, post a favorite Pokémon 💚

At least muggers don't get pissy when you don't say thank you

Wonderful news: Shelby Oaks is a pretty good movie.

how is this literally happening in real life

I'm in the market for a beautiful Italian sandwich that will fix my life

Superman Day but also SUPERGIRL DAY

Had a nightmare they cast Chris Pratt as Batty Koda

I actually do need to be personally consulted on who they cast to play Pips in the live action Ferngully remake.

I can literally feel everyone who had a crush on Prince Zuko in 2005 activating like a sleeper agent.

It's official: AHS season 13 is gonna be a direct Coven sequel. I am back on my bullshit.

Bart would be the one to ask.

I know better than to hope that they changed any of the merch for the American leg of the Everybody Scream tour but the way I would wear an oversized Sympathy Magic shirt or tank top every day for the rest of the year instead of that goddamn hoodie.

Whooping like Jack Dawson on the bow of the Titanic cause a horror channel I like just released a video that's an hour plus about Ed and Lorraine Warren's hucksterism. I am sat.

I love Stevie so much, but this cat has zero sense of personal space or privacy. Sometimes, I wanna poop alone!

I remember trying to explain how in Animorphs dogs possess the spirit of a dead alien race whose last remnant of their civilization are dog robots that live among us disguised as humans, and just, listening to the words coming out of my mouth and feeling insane

Sometimes I think about the “Kirby’s Fucking Pissed” image and it makes me laugh in and of itself.

I started calling Dick Malverne Dick Malverine as a joke and it stuck.

I don't know wine brands, I just know the owl from Aldi has good wine

Listen, Joe and the tomfoolery contraption are so important to me. This is a legacy video in my eyes, on the level of Collective Soul woodcock.

Varun is losing his mind with every new thing he learns about Riverdale: "There’s time travel?" "There’s a 600 year old wizard?!" "Archie has superpowers?!" "Satan is a character?!" "WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S AN ALTERNATE DIMENSION????!!!"

we support the writer's barely disguised fetish in a climate where adults on social media are mortified at the idea of consuming something that made someone horny

The cards see all.

I'm seeing Florence + the Machine in a little over a month, so I've been listening to the entire discography and FUCK how did I forget how I beat Lungs to death in 2009?! Like I'm singing songs I probably haven't listened to in their entirety since 2012.

I'm losing it at this delivery robot getting absolutely smoked by the Brightline train in Florida 🤖🚅

It's every day of the week for me babey!!!!

I don't know if I told y'all, but I got my driver's license last month. I drive now.

I'm putting together a list of stores that make me have to shit within 5 minutes of entering them no matter how little I've had to eat that day, specifically for anyone who may be constipated and at their wits end.

hey look an excuse

they literally renamed the entire company after this

I actually have 12.2k followers there now, which is wild to me.

Oh, so I turned 36 last week.

Woke up early to see the eclipse. Overcast and, as soon as I stepped outside, pouring rain. This is fine. I have an hour. Checks my weather app. *Rain will end around 7:30am* Oh, so fuck me, I guess.

I put this on Snapchat, where I have 11.8k followers for some reason.