I’m not a good conversationalist at work cause I’ll try to remember headlines to talk about and they’ll be like “queer line dancing is on the rise” and I can’t just say that

Isn’t she lovely

someday all the old white men who yell at me about extra fees at the park will connect the dots that when they don’t pay taxes towards parks they have to pay more out of pocket to get the same service they were getting for free before 😀😀😀 they won’t…but we can dream

every time people come up to the door I have to be like “careful, my work moths that come be with me to die”

Cows

It’s a beautiful day, Bluesky is open, and people are having a wonderful time.

Baby yoda cocktails

I told myself I wouldn’t get caught up in Y bucks again…

KAT WON. FUCK ICE.

Put Mamma Mia back in theaters you cowards

I was thinking the craft store but hell I’ve got time today

I can usually walk into a Trader Joe’s and establish 4 enemies

Holy shit…it’s my four absolute favorites

Sad because these leaf galls are just a cosmetic issue and someone returned this plant for having them 😢😢😢 I think you’re beautiful babygirl

If I was a blue check marked Twitter in 2017 I would use my fame and influence to ask twizzlers why nibs taste like shit and bunnies are delicious when they should be the same god damn thing

the frustrating thing about Southern Indiana that I don’t know how to change are that people just don’t vote, I’m surrounded by good people with good opinions that somehow don’t even know when elections happen and I don’t know how they got this way

update: he’s alive

It’s thunderstorming and a guy came up to report an abandoned car and I sent security and haven’t heard anything since, this is how Halloween movies start

First, they taxed the private jets And I did not speak out. fortune.com/2026/05/16/n...

me reading the memos at work about what someone did wrong and we shouldn’t do again

Puffins (everyone cheers) mate for life (everyone cheers louder)

if i was going to give a college commencement speech i would make sure to start with something the students could rally behind. something like "we will mechanically suck the youth from your bones to feed a mechanical eschaton, which my generation will use to climb heaven and become new gods"

sure Indiana sucks, but as a worker in this state all I can say is me and everyone else on the payroll is going full out making sure unhoused people have access to a shower and a spot to stay and I know it’s not just us making our state not a disgrace

@funeralpig.bsky.social I just saw Obsession in theaters and I think this is one you’d like, shook me a bit

I can accept the Muppets being in commercials because they’re showbiz people. I cannot accept the Sesame Street Muppets being in commercials because they’re educators.

My least favorite posts are the ones that are like “Phil Collins didn’t have to go so hard in Tarzan” because yes he fucking did, he’s good at his JOB

I love when you can tell a book was written by a Midwesterner cause they’re gonna tell you EXACTLY where we are in Ohio

“bro why can’t we all just go fishin’ have some beers and chill bro….also i hate that you exist, get out of my country, you shouldn’t be able to control your own body, but like why can’t we just like hang out and fuckin chill bro??”

what the fuck did Wendy’s do to the spicy chicken sandwich?? The most beautiful creation they had??? They changed the bun the lettuce AND are putting pickles on it unprompted??? Just shoot me at the window

people always refer to AI as this inevitable thing that is happening to us that we have to learn to understand and control to survive which is how id always hoped people would start talking about global warming but sure the fake man made robot thing too…

They call it baseball because it is based on a ball story

working on being more woke

customer: “do you want me to spend $600 here or at a competitor??” me, a seasonal worker who will likely never see any of these people again after the next two weeks: “you drive a tough bargain…”

lil video I did for our local park

this woman at work loves to try to one up me in front of customers but jokes on her cause this runs through my head every time and makes me laugh

how scared would you be to see this frog on the trail tho

Cannes Film Festival Attendee Eating Nachos Out Of Plastic Beret

I have to do emergency action training because some idiot came into the park, swung a rattle snake over his head, got bit, and almost died I’m so sick of people being idiots

The average person only uses 10% of their brain thinking about mushrooms and how mushrooms are nice. Not me

My Mother’s Day contributions

I usually go through self check out but I went through a normal line today and found out me the cashier and the bagger all have a 3 legged cat, fuckin wild

I have a coworker who is a huge bitch to me every day, I’m a temp worker so it’s easy to just kill with kindness and then forget she exists when I leave but honestly I want to be rude back so bad

kid on his bike brought a dead snake to me earlier and now he keeps coming back to visit me and he’s like “remember me??” and I’m like yeah you little freak you brought me a dead snake

imo this is cuter than grass

I am the turtle crossing guard at the parks

Paul Rudd looks exactly his age (still hot) and Nickleback is not the worst thing you’ve ever heard by a mile; these are just two things I’m sick of still being a thing