An air force base for dogs??

Driving a compact sedan with those big headed anime character stickers is conservative coded, sorry

Is Sora down for anyone else, or is it just me? I can’t do my job without it!!!! I’m so fucked please help me

Let’s wait and see what apl.de.ap comes up with before being too hard on this

Laker Fans Furious As Bam Adebayo Dies In Even Worse Helicopter Crash

Judge Judy ate her for fucking lunch

I feel bad for all the kids today growing up with the name Donald J Trump. It was hard enough when I was in school!

Maybe I’m built different but there was never a point in my life where anybody could trick me into killing a bunch of people. Definitely not the fucking US government. You know what you’re signing up for man. You can’t be out here with a military grade rifle talmbout ‘Be gentle I’m baby’

You won’t catch me mogging or maxxing, because saying shit like that is for nazi babies

More like shit of the union, or state of the confederacy

The national frozen dessert of Luxembourg is the bomb popsicle

Espresso martini? Yeah, I did want to have bad breath and sleep poorly, thanks

Here’s a solution: Every ICE agent should have to carry a copy of the bill of rights. Or at least a QR code that will link to it.

“Don’t take this bait. Vote.” -Dem politician’s last words at the firing squad

So they cancelled elections, killed a bunch of people, made your life way worse, and you’re mad about it? Don’t take the bait. Go vote. Or… I guess… hmmmmm…

Every ice officer is now mandated to display a prompt we can put into grok to identify them

[government goes Hitler mode] Moderate Conservative Guy - how could it go Hitler mode? The president doesn’t have any facial hair at all. All of the other conservative guys: man, it sure is nice to have a Hitler in charge

there goes mike zeroh

I hold my cigarettes American style, but I hold my dick European style. Anyone else?

We gotta drop the whole ACME catalog on these fuckers. I’m talking pianos, anvils, barrels of TNT, the works. I need to see those little birds circling JD’s fat head!

Pim queepers

The new cellar door is “ABDL blowout”

Mama, huckabee ambassador to Israel some day

what do you mean you hate black licorice? do you also hate picking at that itchy little bit of skin around your fingernail? do you also hate walking in the rain when a cold breeze cuts through you? do you also hate the feeling of knowing you've let down a loved one?

Count your blessings. @theonion.com

It looks like she got her doctorate in boob-ometrics with a minor in rail transportation (caboose = rear end)

Jeffrey Epstein won’t see your jokes about email typos, but your fat fingered friends will

The new woke Veterans Day is for former soldiers to apologize for what they did

Ezra Klein: dick cheney did politics the right way

Okay sure, maybe a dog CAN play basketball, but surely not on a holiday?

I heard ICE added a tip screen when you check out, and the options START at 20%?!

Why do they recommend docker desktop for Linux? Useless

Most arguments about which cartoon tv shows are good come down to, “I was a teen when this came out and you weren’t”

Delta 9 is the malt liquor of weed

PETE DAVIDSON: I need to be sure journalists won't ask why I walked away from my Peacock series "Bupkis" SAUDI PRINCE WHO FINANCED/LAUNDERED MONEY FOR 9/11 HIJACKERS 24 YEARS AGO & KILLED HIS DAD: We will never stigmatize YOUR mental health Pete Davidson. put on your own oxygen mask first.

I made my twitter account before Elmo went crazy!

I think the mobie 1984 is almost Orwellian

charlie kirk diss track dropped on twitter x.com/sugefrmjerz/...

I didn’t expect season 5 of Fargo to have so many Home Alone traps. It’s awesome

They gave Rudy the chastity device that only a cousin can unlock

I saw an ICE guy at Starbucks order “a matcha latte and leave room for cream”

Prices will never go down, even when the tariffs end. Sorry!

Growing my sack out long so I can donate it to Bollocks of Love

JK rowling’s favorite part of writing is inventing new slurs

So Jojo Siwa’s dad is running for mayor of NYC??

This is still the funniest image Nintendo has ever produced. Luigi, sitting down with his L coffee, reading up on some of the worst atrocities ever perpetuated by humanity: "OH MAMMA MIA"

Now is the perfect time to debut Tesla self-driving taxis