Kyle Schwarber

MYSTIC TAILOR: I make the heavenly sweatpants with my twin daughters. Gentle Seamstress Grizabella assembles the garment with thread made from a spider’s whisper ME: Rad, what ab- TAG ATTACHER BECKY: There is a secret song at the center of the world and its sound is like razors through flesh

the only thing i know about Swalwell besides the current news is that time he ripped ass on live TV and tried to deny it, this is how you know when someone is a lying liar

This one’s for all the moss heads out there

unfortunately i have 2 more hours of work today and i have about zero hours of work left in my brain

three blunts, three cigs, and three beers the holy trinity

ways to know luteal phase has begun: drinking water becomes a task that requires herculean effort

Hereby opening a petition for a Normal Week to happen. Hands up if you want a Normal Week

you know that person in your life who takes too long to tell a story? why is there always a guy at work like this but for emails, just SAY WHAT YOU NEED TO SAY, REGGIE* *name has been changed to protect identity of Long Email Guy who is essentially saying we have new gate fobs

i want the pope to kick his ass, even though i know that wouldn't be very papal of him

“I’m-a sorry it’s such a mess-a da Pope-a” youtu.be/cAvXnBgJMdM?...

Five meetings today technically six if you include the lunch meeting

Da pope

Watching John Wick beat up a giant man with a book, at the library

Rory McIlroy Struggling To Fit Big Check Into Mobile Deposit Photo

How is the end of the masters always so nuts

Check this shit out

When I worked at the plant we were audited by notified body auditors several times and I was the audit scribe. All of these auditors were from other countries: Germany, Australia, Brazil, and Hungary. The Hungarian dude was so cool & loved talking to us about their culture & food & stuff

I’m Hungary for a dictator being voted out

Van Gogh spent a lot of time in Arles, France. There's a restaurant that used to be a hotel where Van Gogh stayed and in a letter he wrote that the food was bad and they overcharged him for wine. Directly next door, sharing a wall, is this Dragonball-themed barbershop.

good morning

“Mommy loves shrimp and chicken” -Bep

At my parents’ house which means the masters is on and these golf guys love wearing shirts that blast their nips

Honkus Herbie stole my spot

[richard scarry worm on a payphone inside a Jiffy Lube] yeah man my apple is completely fucked. some guy driving a banana sideswiped me and i crashed into another guy’s pickle

Ocean's 11 (2001)

Just watched what should have been the dumbest SNL sketch of all time but the dudes in it were so committed that it was in fact hilarious

Me & my college mini fridge, still going strong since 2000

Prom season is here and I think the Ruby Rhod rose collar gown is going to be the look for 2026

Yes, the Grink was there. I'm getting to that. He was on that island with me. And I wouldn't be alive to tell my story without him.

Ordered a bunch of takeout for dinner because I deserve it

Once again I try to go out in public and end up in a situation when a horrible man is being a piece of shit and I didn’t do anything for fear that he would have pushed me into traffic or worse

James and I love to roast Chadwick because she makes the weirdest grunting noises when she’s deep in a hard pets session

Da moon

Saturday morning

I didn’t watch any of the masters today bec work, but I guess Rory is crushing it based on what I’m seeing here

This is a lot busier than I thought it would be

At work on my day off to help out

Ages of Human History: -Caveman Times -Religious Times -Shakespeare Times -Presidential Times -The 60s (1956-1974) -"20 Years Ago" (1975-2006) -Current Times

Takin Bep to Snake Park

The Strait of Hormel is what I say every time in my head when I see strait of Hormuz so everyone has to deal with that now

Some good beer talk on the TL already this morning, can’t wait to crack open a 60 minute as soon as I get Bep to bed tonight

Bep’s version of “and last but not least” is “at last at not least”

I stand on business about breakfast

I don’t really give a fuck about breakfast food because I’m usually not hungry until almost lunchtime anyway!! Stop trying to make me eat a big meal in the morning! The Italians have it right, an espresso, a cigarette, and a fuck you I’m outta here

1. Posting pizza on main makes you braver than the troops 2. This looks absolutely incredible 3. Goon za