(trying to compliment my friend’s baby) wow man he’s so… tender, and… mild

digital meat thermometer is a real gamechanger because now i can check it every 30 seconds throughout the afternoon and announce to everyone when it's gone up a degree over and over as they all increasingly get exhausted by my bullshit

Merry Christmas from herbie

merry christmas from

Got the hobbit and a box set of LotR for Christmas, no guarantees but if Bep is into it later in life we are set. Plus I’ve tried to read lotr a few times on my kindle and fantasy books suck on e readers

Merry Christmas, my almost 3 year old is raiding the pantry for every kind of cereal we have in there, instead of playing with his new train set

All George Bailey wants to do is leave town for a week

What’s up dorks, only one hour till Christmas

I feel like Rhea Seehorn is the only acceptable person to portray me in a movie or tv show if ever I had to choose someone to do this

I got to do one of my fave activities today: make a charcuterie board

Behold my board

why this very mornings I decided to make a half batch of butter cookies, forgot to halve the grams for the weighted measurements, realized halfway through assembling the dough, said fuckit we ball, made em anyway with double sugar, they were inedible

Went to my parents’ house and my dad walked in the door ten minutes later with a handle of crown royal

I love feeling clinically insane and the most tired I’ve ever been in my life on Christmas Eve [day 29 of cycle]

Omg u guys it’s a Christmas miracle, someone on my block is running a leaf blower!!!!

“We are here to serve the world, not beat it!” God damn, to so succinctly put into words how I feel every single day

The new knives out aka a detailed dossier of Josh brolin jackin it

My son has holiday madness, meet me at my house for an ass kicking from a feral three year old

this season i’m wishing you and yours a few small holiday cheers

It's about to pop off!!!!!! [volcano humor]

i can't believe today looks like the best weather day for a run for the next WEEK

i had to drop what i was doing to make this

Ever notice how every single orange cat has impeccable comic timing

Yall hear about this chipmunk at the gas pump

It’s a Festivus for the rest of us

It’s a holly jolly Christmas up in here

“the 60 minutes CECOT documentary leaked on limewire dot com” is a real sentence that’s real in this year of our lord 2025

You guys, I am so tired and I still need to take a shower

Yes I will go see the odyssey even though I am not a huge Nolan fan because I am a huge slut for Greek mythology and I wanna see Scylla play “I Am Gonna Claw (Out Your Eyes Then Drown You to Death)” in IMAX

you guys are not gonna believe this but i'm finally home after running the special payroll from hell, and i don't go back to work till next monday is it time for a few small beers

You guys are not gonna believe this but I am on the ADP help chat because I still have not finished the special payroll, I am gonna [REDACTED]

last night when i was making that galette i decided to bring the trash can over next to the counter bec pears are so messy & i didn't want to drip pear juice all over the floor & james was like "i'll get it for you" bec our trash can is so heavy, but i easily lifted & carried it w/ one hand

i hope 2025 can give us one more good wife guy to finish out this bullshit year

now one of these guys might be goku adjacent, i think

guys, guess what? i am on ANOTHER teams call

we’re so back go birds

please everyone keep me in your T's and P's today because i have to work with finance to run a special payroll to make sure the books are balanced for year end and i would really rather not have to work this hard on the day before my christmas mini break

looking good homie

Made a pear and apple galette tonight with a bunch of pears that were gifted to us and frankly there’s no better way to use up a bunch of gross soggy pears

I personally would love a piping hot plate of buffalo wings right now

me seeing an article about the 25 Hottest and Most Popular Celebrities: haha who are any of these people? me seeing a screenshot of a horrible post by CeleriusAvignon8888, Based Viscount of the New Bayesian Duchy of Pure Reason: oh it's this fuckin guy again

Chadwick doing her nightly hops and skips around the living room and kitchen

Just put on the Lions game like five mins ago holy shit

S-tier flavor, mandarin cranberry also fucks, and I love black cherry but I know that’s a divisive choice