Homer trying to impersonate Mr. Burns's signature, "Excellent!" line.

We are thrilled to announce that our NEW Large Language Model will be released on 11.18.25.

Every time the subject of Jimmy Fallon’s spinelessness comes up, I think of this passage from Tina Fey’s Bossypants

I'm going to pirate so much Mama's Family and there's nothing they can do about it

Red Sox out here making sure I get a cardio workout sitting on the couch

Please - stop doing the screenshot no link thing on Bluesky. This platform does not punish you for posting a URL. You picked up the habit from Meta apps? Stop doing Mark Z's bidding. Link ESPECIALLY to authors, reporters, bloggers, etc. where you quote the work.

Seriously. "Oh no, should we let the president do the deeply unpopular thing he says he's going to do?" Yes, yes you should.

Imagine watching that unhinged spectacle in front of our military and then thinking, "Time to write another column about how liberals aren't doing enough to understand guys with Punisher stickers on their Chevy Silverado."

Shut it down. Shut it all fucking down. Trump has the losing hand here & he knows it, so he's trying to blame his shitty shutdown on the dolls, hoping spineless dems will sacrifice them on the altar of civility. Fuck anyone who crosses to help him. Fuck them and primary them and hassle them to Hell

Spending time this morning calling about medical bills and insurance, and it's such a soul-sucking endeavor, I can't fathom how people with chronic conditions or family members with cancer deal with it. Burn it all to the ground.

Exactly, the Dems' "condescension problem" is almost entirely a creation of right-wing media.

First time this guy has ever made me laugh

I live in downtown Salt Lake City and people in the suburbs look at me like I'm Snake Plissken. It's unhinged.

I think this gentleman speaks for all of us

My LDS friends and family are about to find out how quickly they'll be abandoned and forgotten since the shooter appears to not be trans or liberal or anyone else the right can use to advance its fascist agenda.

Thinking of all the Mets fans who deserved better. Brutal.

I think an underrated factor in American anger at politicians is realizing that if we were a fraction of this bad at our jobs we would be fired immediately, and yet they keep chugging along.

This guy could be posting from jail with Chuck Schumer in the bunk below him and it'd be, "This is a distraction, the American people demand to know why their groceries are so high," and we're like, "No you bitch-ass MF, we want to know why they're locking people up for free speech!" JFC!

Nah it’s cool Apple I didn’t want pesky details on my screen like the count or score. But thank god I know that Trevor Story had a 13% chance RBI possibility instead of the score bug!

Can confirm!

Remember Baghdad Bob and how much fun we all used to make of him? I think about that a lot.

This is the way.

What’s great about Hegseth’s emergency meeting is it could be “Russia’s launching a nuke” or “Someone wrote ‘Trump’s a little bitch’ graffiti in the bathroom.”

We really need to reconsider that legacy media columnists and opinion pundits are in fact disinformationists/propagandists who are paid to create make-believe realities for certain people (other elites, maybe) to get mad at

Gonna go photoshop Trump’s head onto Rocky Balboa’s body to show how tough he is while he’s on day three of whining about having to climb up a broken escalator.

I’ve started responding to people who say that NYC is a dystopian nightmare by telling them people shouldn’t visit rural towns because they could be trampled by a cow. When they look at me like I’m crazy, I tell them, “Yeah, that’s how you sound.”

Really need leadership at universities, media companies, law firms, &c. to internalize this point.

Speaking officially as the host of Jeopardy!, Cal Raleigh is the correct MVP vote.

If you live in a clown state (like me), your doctor can call in a prescription for the updated vaccine and you can get it. If you live in a real state, the vaccine is available without a prescription despite RFK Jr.'s efforts to kill you.

Worth pointing out every single time what total losers these guys look like.

Employers should hear loudly and often from their employees that they’re fuckups, but they never do because they have all the power.

Damn, this is crazy, have you guys heard about this?!?

Does this mean we're a proper country again?

My 12-year-old daughter is in a girls running program and they do a 5K in November. They are required to have a running buddy and I have been chosen. They stress that I am to be supportive and only run at her pace and it's very funny that they think I'll be able to keep up with her.

Realizing there are people out there who think Trump is gonna be included in the rapture today is very funny.

Idk, seems like Donald Trump doesn’t have the brain processing power to understand vaccines or pronounce acetaminophen, so he had to steal a slot from a qualified Black woman.

Trump hyped a huge autism announcement for months then followed through today with a press conference where his brain leaked out of his ears for an hour while he couldn't pronounce "acetaminophen" and yelled "DON'T TAKE ASPIRIN" over and over. Congratulations, America.

I know antifa isn't a real organization because I don't get 40 texts a week from them asking for donations.

Disney execs are like, "Damn that's good, what's that from?"

I cannot emphasize this enough: The regime has overextended itself. It is vulnerable to protest and dissent. They have not consolidated power and we are entirely capable of keeping them from doing so. Doomers are not realists.

There are people who 100% believe Jimmy Kimmel won't return to his show tomorrow because the rapture is happening, and that is very funny.

ohnoanyway.gif

I'm Dutch now, I don't make the rules (watch the whole thing, trust me)

"But I have this letter from Heir Hitler that said it was okay!" "Oh in that case Mr. Raeder you're free to go, our bad."

This entire thing is wonderfully brutal, but my favorite part is where the judge corrects the spelling of a word.

Thug in riot gear throws a congressional candidate onto the pavement

Begging...BEGGING people to understand this. It's not hypocrisy, it's "we are the right people, you are the wrong people, therefore, we get to tell you what to do, but you do not get to tell us what to do."

They still don't get it. If Kimmel comes back and tells Trump to go fuck himself, they'll have more support than they can possibly imagine. But these corporate buffoons think they can negotiate their way through everything.

It’s telling that Trump has already discarded the idea that the Kimmel firing was about Kirk and says the problem is that he was mean to Trump