⭐️ MICHAEL BALAZO CHATS WITH THE STARS ⭐️ I'm interviewing today's top celebrities... played by the city's best comedians. All proceeds will be donated to UNRWA. MAR 14 - 8PM $15 Tranzac Club - Living Room Tickets: tinyurl.com/wmem6753 Poster: Andrew Neville @mrnastynodrama.bsky.social

It's Sunday, and you know what that means... new Simpsons tonight!

Four-Song Peel Session of Liverpool new wave band The Teardrop Explodes from October 2, 1979. Length: 10:53. m.youtube.com/watch?v=2mrx...

#OnePerfectShot from THE 400 BLOWS (Truffaut, 1959)

🚨 BREAKING 🚨 NEW EPISODE OF LONG DISTANCE, BIT WEIRD! This week @mbalazo.bsky.social and I are joined by MY PODCAST CO-HOST FROM MYSTERY ON THE ROCKS, @chris-stokes.bsky.social to talk about Red Dwarf. Includes another letter from Wetherspoons News. 🎧 podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/l... 🎧

if you played sonic the hedgehog and put down the controller, sonic would look at you and tap his foot impatiently. this was proof that sega genesis cartridges had souls. the decision was made to make the storage cases a lot larger than the cartridges so they would have room to move around in there

🚨BREAKING🚨 Chuck Schumer is devastated to announce that the Baileys are in the Epstein files.

Residents of UK: go see Sooz!

A clip from our set! The full performance is on our podcast's Patreon: www.patreon.com/posts/sooz-a...

The Monkees - Words (1967) youtu.be/AHf7X7Mt66M?... Japanese release cover art by Keiichi Tanaami

Eno ~ Cindy Tells Me (from Here Come the Warm Jets, 1974 - Remaster) #NowPlaying #BrianEno #RoxyMusic Released 52 years ago today😲 Happy Sunday night! youtu.be/uZvAs-EkKgw via @YouTube

Excited to watch an ALTERNATIVE and TRADITIONAL Super Bowl halftime show featuring Jackson Truck, Chug Bubbers, Lice Dunnington and Sara-Lee Zyklon.

It's so funny to read old descriptions of bad neighborhoods as having "cabarets" and "burlesque theaters" through modern eyes. Oh no, a thicc lady and her much shorter boyfriend who wears a top hat are gonna take my wallet.

If you're trying to find Waldo you're a cop

ill bet it sucks and is really embarrassing if youre Dr. Frankenstein and you're on a first date and your monster runs up yelling like "why did you make me!?" and "build me a wife!" and stuff

These two remind me of Ancient Greece. (As if)

"Hi we're the Milan Olympic mascots. Despite living in the world's fashion capital, we look like TOTAL ass." #satire #fashion #ass

I'll get in trouble for saying this, but the Milan Olympic mascots have ZERO sex appeal.

My landlord would NEVER win an Olympic medal for shoveling the snow in front of the building!

YOU: Why are you injecting hyaluronic acid into your penis? ME: (smug) It's called ski jumping, honey. Look it up.

Making hot chocolate with plenty of marshmallows should be a winter Olympic sport!

Some thoughts on Catherine O’Hara’s comedy, and her ability to straddle the line between madness and vacuity. For @thestar.com. www.thestar.com/opinion/cont...

GUYS YOU HAD SEVERAL DAYS TO PUT LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE ON THE FRONT OF THE MAGAZINE COME ON

✨NEW EPISODE ALERT✨This week @mbalazo.bsky.social and I are LIVE FROM THE TRAVELODGE! I am sick, Michael is here, we have a glass of red and share information about low-budget hotels. 🎧 podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/l... 🎧

They should make more big budget documentaries about Slovenian women!

Hey fellow social media users: what do you say we get together and… cheer up Elon?

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The Doomsday Clock is trash compared to this man:

I’m nervous that MAGA will turn on Philip Glass.

New CBS News contributors: Aaron Rodgers, Roseanne Barr, Anton Chigurh, Stephen Miller, Stephen Miller (the other one), Stephen Miller (found a third one), a smokin' hot babe with huge bazongas, Walter White, Tom (not Jerry), big bucket of gravy, Budd Dwyer (deceased), Thomas Chatterton Williams.

No matter how bad things get, there’s always one thing I can count on. #cold #winter #ice #comedy #sillystuff

Imagine if you were feeling low and organised a men's mental health walk and then no one turned up. You would be gutted and it would be awful for your own personal men's mental health. -bz

ONE WEEK TO GO UNTIL MY BIG SHOW! Friday 30th January - come spend An Evening with Sooz Kempner for just ten quid (it's also doubling as my birthday party) in London's greatest venue! 🎟️ www.outsavvy.com/event/31688/... 🎟️

🚨NEW EPISODE OF LONG DISTANCE, BIT WEIRD OUT NOW🚨 @soozuk.bsky.social and I are joined by brilliant comedian and writer Jordan Foisey to talk about Britain’s Page 3 girls and Canadian freaks like Jordan Peterson, Steven Crowder and more! Listen here: podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/l...

May take advantage of visa-free travel to China for Canadians. As a diehard Shen Yun-head, I’m really only familiar with China BEFORE communism.

🚨NEW EPISODE OF LONG DISTANCE, BIT WEIRD OUT NOW🚨 @mbalazo.bsky.social and I are joined by brilliant comedian and writer Jordan Foisey to talk about the phenomenon of Page 3 and Canadian freaks like Jordan Peterson, Steven Crowder and more! 🎧 podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/l... 🎧

Crowdfunding to get a billion dollars so I can join Trump's Gaza Board of Peace and do a tea run with a fun bit of arsenic. www.ko-fi.com/soozuk

On the bright side, under American ownership, Greenland will have a Kid Rock's Big Ass Honky Tonk Rock N' Roll Steakhouse.

Twitter: where people pay 14 dollars a month to tweet "they should not have sex scenes in movies"

With all this talk of annexation, I feel compelled to say: I am willing to give my life to sort of defend a few parts of Canada that are pretty ok.

Canadian Tire should cash in on Heated Rivalry’s popularity by selling gay motor oil!

Finally read Animal Farm. Terrifying book. Every time an animal talked I screamed.

There are now six whole episodes of Long Distance, Bit Weird, the podcast hosted by a couple from opposite sides of the ocean. Episodes on Noel's House Party, Watership Down, football culture, Canadian divas and the history of UK Xmas #1s. Listen with your ears! podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/l...

✨IT'S HERE✨This week's episode of @ldbwpod.bsky.social is THE BIG ONE because I'm teaching @mbalazo.bsky.social about...Noel's House Party! We go DEEP in to Crinkley Bottom, join us. Available wherever you get podcasts. 🎧 longdistancebitweird.podbean.com/e/fffdfdfdaf/ 🎧

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After an intense discussion about geopolitics, these are the last two things my Uber driver said to me: “As I see it, World War Three is inevitable. Please rate me five stars.”

The Nazis being sent to take Stalingrad without appropriate winter coats but it's ICE being sent to Minnesota without appropriate ability to stay upright on the slippy ground for more than 15 seconds at a time.

THE BALLAD OF JUDAS PRIEST, a doc I researched and wrote, is premiering next month at The Berlinale. It tells the story of the metal gods, who made hard rock louder, faster and--yes--more inclusive. Directed by Tom Morello and Sam Dunn! Info here: www.hollywoodreporter.com/movies/movie...