Once again, fuck cancer.

The three amigos, but cunts.

I will never get used to the shock of seeing how much money I have to fork over to HMRC when i do my tax return.

I wish Tice and Oakeshott every happiness* *Venereal Disease

It was about this time, 8 years ago, when the phone rang and I found out my best mate had died in the night. Still miss you, big lad. Fuck cancer.

Anyway, now I've got that off my chest, good morning.

It's a few weeks late but I have woken up with a full 2025 Christmas Special episode of The Royle Family in my brain.

I’m begging for a standard among all businesses to remove the weird pause in hold music that makes you think someone has picked up.

It still staggers me that he got away with it.

Me, pushing a duck to the centre of the poker table: let's make this a little more interesting

It's here, everyone, you can relax now.

I cheerfully predict some of the worst people in the world absolutely losing their shit over this headline.

Our so called leaders speak, With words they try to jail ya, They subjugate the weak, But it's the rhetoric of failure.

I'll look after it if you want.

Once again, the hour approaches...

Playing rugby.

You might be getting snow, we're getting a thaw.

They shouldn’t be allowed to call it ‘live chat’ if they haven’t answered your enquiry after 20 min

Yesterday's delivery update: it's back at the depot in Newark.

Having observed over the last several years how consequences seem to affect Trump, I think it's fairly safe to assume that the consequences for him annexing Greenland will be exactly the same. Fuck all.

It is, when you consider it carefully, all fucking bollocks, isn't it?

only 52 minutes remain on the parcel delivery window ticking clock... Will it come or won't it? place your bets now..

Delivery update: No, not yet.

Father Ted and Black Books.

I'm about to open the Box of Receipts #taxreturn

It's my brother's birthday today, and whilst he may be young, slimmer and better looking than me, I have the bigger intellectuals and a wider general intelligement.

I have a delivery arriving today between 8am and 6pm. Helpful.

Taurus: You will live like a king this year. Isolated, paranoid, never sure if anyone’s affections are genuine.

all this is both foolish and unnecessary

I have a few things to do, so I've spent an hour thinking about what order to do them in, and haven't actually done anything yet.

You honestly don't have to show me what Twitter's saying. That's why I'm here and not there.

I've been reading about Sargon of Akkad. (The mesopotamian emperor from c. BC2200, whose empire crumbled under what was thought to be a curse but was more likely just because of unexpected and rapid change in climate, not that UKIP cunt)

"international law must be followed" is european for "thoughts and prayers"

This is the best thing I've ever seen.

Finally watched Oppenheimer. That's cheered me up no end.

"We will bomb you into becoming the 51st state"

Imagine how bad Trump would be if he wasn't passing multiple cognitive tests every week

my prediction is that the people of venezuela will now as part of a free and fair democratic process elect a new leader who will grant licenses to american companies following fair an transparent processes to extract oil at unbelievably good value

It's only a matter of time.

oh yeah? well, could a dying sex criminal do THIS? [bombs venezuela]

We're going to need a bigger Hague.

Relax, everyone, FIFA will just invent a "Bombing Civilians" prize.

Nice that we got a couple of days of 2026 in before president dickface started trying to get world war 3 going.

In Agadoo did Kubla Khan Push pineapples, shake the tree

My friends dog, Walter, who frequently accompanied us on one of the biggest landscaping projects we ever undertook, has died. It's the circle of life.

New years day is just another Sunday, whatever day of the week it falls upon. My pork is in the oven. #notaeuphemism

Fucking lies!

Right ear clogged. Stone deaf in it. Unhelpful for the last gig of the year.

By way of follow up to that age old question of why no one on TV ever says "bye" when they hang up a telephone.... Why don't baths on TV have overflows? Especially the ones in gritty cop dramas?

This from @vizcomic.bsky.social will never get old.