It’s criminal that the sky always looks so beautiful when it’s cold AF outside. I get why but it’s just unfair.

Working on numbers with the cricket and so when he says “I love you too!” I say “I love you three!” and so on and so forth. Except now when we hit 6 and 7 it is… an EVENT. My life has been taken over by this meme.

@fredgreenleaf.bsky.social is watching something boring instead of watching a cheesy Christmas movie with me 😒😒😒

Playing 7days with the Goose for the first time and he’s absolutely tickled that the server password is SixSeven

Sometimes I get into this whirlpool of thoughts that I miss my dad but he’s still technically alive so acting like he’s dead is some sort of stolen valor. He doesn’t recognize people anymore so he’s unofficially gone and I just miss him and my level of missing him will only grow from here.

Me *having gotten the Nexplanon implant in May and not having really had a period until now*: MY PERIOD?! WHAT IS THIS BULLSHIT?!

It’s a cozy up and watch Hamilton kinda day.

Today is the day I learned that dawn power wash is actually really great for cleaning up after puke because instead of compounding the smell of chemical and throw up, it covers the smell while you clean. I used Lysol to disinfect afterwards but DPW was great while I was cleaning puke splatter up.

People posting about Ariana & Cynthia like “oOoh, I hope everything is okayyy” simultaneously being passive aggressive but also putting their bodies in the spotlight. If you’re actually worried about EDs being normalized again maybe stop bringing them up and do some other shit with your life.

Everyone on the road today sucks (except for ✨me✨)

What if the horse was named after Bill because he’s hung AF?

I went lap swimming for the first time in over a decade. I am GASSED and I didn’t even swim that much but damn do I feel good now.

I almost hit a bicyclist just now. “HOW?!” You might be asking… BECAUSE HE WAS RIDING AGAINST TRAFFIC, IN THE LEFT LANE WITH NO LIGHT AND A SINGLE LITTLE REFLECTOR. DRESSED ALL IN BLACK TOO

Lee Pace is American?? I thought he was British this whole time.

What if he just… did it himself.

Remember the Vine where a girl says “not to be racist but Asian people SU-“ and she croaks/honks the weirdest noise instead of finishing the last word? That noise is exactly what my cousin sounded like when she would genuinely laugh.

I cooked a new thing for dinner and I fucked it up. Everyone is eating chicken and rice the rest of the week 😤

OMELETTES ARE STUPID

If it goes up, don’t cross the picket line. Collective action is the only way we ever get things done.

the reason republicans lost yesterday is because theyre a bunch of weird freaks pushing policy that everyone hates

Today’s parenting fail. I sent the Goose off to school but I forgot it’s make up picture day and he’s wearing his Minecraft Chicken Jockey shirt 😐😐😐

Dumb enough to think i understood Tenet the first time through. Smart enough to be pretty sure i absolutely fucking didn’t.

*Me opening up the Netflix app* “WHAT’S UP BINGES?!”

People don’t get “kick me” notes on their back anymore. What is happening to our society?

I do not want to cook dinner. Send help.

My dad? Dying. My aunt. My god father. Who’s left? What’s left? Dying. I was there. (Was I there?) We were there. We cheered. We won?? They won? THEY WON!!!! What's left? Dad. Come back. (they won) Come back THEY WON. DAD! COME BACK! THEY WON!! COME BACK!! DAD! Please. come back.

To anyone not into baseball I’m sorry but also get into baseball

If I cooked it, there’s fucking garlic in it.

Google your town's local food bank and donate. Remember money goes far if we all do a little. Mine even had a PayPal link and let you choose to cover the transaction fee so they get the entire amount. Do what you can. Things are rough and likely about to get rougher. We need to stand together. 💚

My godfather died earlier this week and my aunt died today. Feels weird man. Feels fucking weird.

I don’t think i brag enough about how wonderful my husband is. I was pouting because Arby’s didn’t give us horsey sauce. It’s also not conveniently located. He went to the store and not only got fresh horseradish to make the sauce but also made me a homemade roast beef sandwich that fucking ROCKED.

Cali?? 🤢 🤢 San Fran???? 🤢🤢🤢 Learn English!

Stressing my mom out and arguing against her stance that men are biologically inclined to cheat because of a drive to spread their seed and their high chance of repopulating the earth. My stance being, men and women have an equal desire to reproduce but socially women are shamed for sexual desire.

#WALKOFF!!!!!! FINAL (18): #Dodgers 6, Blue Jays 5

FREDDIE MY KING

Forcing my mom to watch Megan the Stallion so she can accept the athleticism. She is offended and unimpressed.

Ive listened to this song more times in the last 30 minutes than i ever have in my life

AND SANDY KOUFAX IS WATCHING

12th inning. Bases loaded. 2 outs. Kershaw pitching. AND MY SON WANTS TO FALL ASLEEP TO “THE FINAL COUNTDOWN”

Tonight’s wine tastes like I’m going to keep talking about how Mookie Betts is peak performance in everything he does.

A portion of every dollar spent on Harry Potter merchandise goes to anti-transgender campaigns.

Tortured and ignored my cat to get this video of him trying to get my attention.

SATIRE COULDN’T WRITE THIS BECAUSE IT WOULD BE TOO STUPID

I love how superstitions sports fans are. The Dodgers’ subreddit is half “don’t post that because last time you did they lost” and “keep posting, every time you post they have won.”

In case you were wondering, The Oregon Trail app on my iPhone opens with a screen telling you to take breaks from gaming.

Frodo lying there in his slutty little gimp suit while the Orcs rifle through his stuff.

If there’s anything I’ve learned about myself this last year is that scantily clad clowns do it for me every damn time.

You'll float down here 🎈 __ #tease #lewd #clown #IT #sexycosplay #clowngirl #goon #tattoo #ofgirl #onlyfans #fansly #realnsfw