Hehe

(going to hell and starting to freak out) okay, okay. five things i can see. the devil,

A field in England

lol

Stav's grandfather:

Had to cancel my 5s game and posted in the chat to say I was injured. That's true. Didn't say how. Truth is I pulled a muscle in my neck quite badly whilst air-drumming. I'm 53.

My friend’s neighbor’s house fell off its foundation (old steel structure collapsed), and they just did the funniest thing.

hi

driftwood

I dated a married man for awhile. When his wife found out and encouraged me instead of getting upset or jealous, it made me not like him as much anymore

oof

(sinister, looming) I’m just a silly little guy

Parents summoned to school when I was 11 as I'd handed in erotic fantasy for a writing assignment. Was into D&D. I perused mum's spicy romance for sentences and lazily changed names. E.g. "The Barbarian's prickly face chafed the warlock's soft loins." Great way to come out though

Walking to work in London, a trio of random Japanese tourists approached me excitedly, asked for a selfie with me and for my autograph, which I gave. I'm not famous and I have no idea who they thought I was.

We crafted something sapphic & spooky for this first @cartoonistcoop.bsky.social's Cartoonber 🎃🦇 The theme was : Reclaimed script : @zoewithasword.bsky.social thumbnails, pencils, lettering & tones : @willowsquest.bsky.social inking : yours truly

eventually, every social media site has to pay the lowtax

Complaining about cancel culture in Riyadh is one of the best examples I've seen of how "free speech culture" rots the brain.

「あれ？昨日は小便器が３つあったのに…？」 「３つ？先週見た時は４つあったぜ？」 ―トイレ清掃業者より

I won the Lotto. Massive jackpot. Moved to a huge house, loads of trades coming round to do bits, all asking how I could afford it. I've got bored of telling them about the Lotto win so now I just say I made my money importing shit loads of cocaine in the early 90s.

you learnt this only when you got to MIDDLE AGE???

In the 80s when I was 8 for Mothers Day I bought my mum a book called Cristina's Bliss from the newsagent as it had a nice woman with flower in her hair on the cover. My mum kept it in her memento chest rather than the bookshelf. Found out years later it was erotic fiction.

I have a job with hardly any accountability, other than attending a few teams meetings each week which i barely speak in. In the office each day I load a 7yr old spreadsheet on my big screen to look busy. On my small screen i'm writing my latest erotic novel.

When asked what mercury looks like in a Year 2 chemistry lesson, "delicious" is the wrong answer, apparently. I was teased as "brain damage boy" until I started university.

At work for my job, I have to sign an annual confidentiality agreement for external solicitors. Every year I sign it as Kermit The Frog and my job title as his Royal Highness. It's now been seven years and nobody has noticed

When I'm having trouble depositing a particularly tough shit out of my arse, my husky wanders into the bathroom, sits in front of me and then sings me the song of her people to help me get through it.

depression

I have been trying to find more of these cars but if you can believe it searching for “sluts train bomber” and similar terms is not exactly fruitful, at least for the task at hand.

While receiving treatment for a persistent fungal infection in my privates, I was grateful to learn that the GP-friendly term for "having a soapy wank in the shower" is "overwashing".

During a rare child free evening, my partner and I had sex first, and then ordered a curry. He was more vocal with the first bite of chicken than when he came

gyah

The xenomorph is a Disney Princ-- *gunshot*

An H.R. Giger creation being owned by the Disney corporation is the saddest outcome for a cultural artifact you could possibly think of

Over time the xenomorph has slowly veered away from its... er.. obscene roots. I wanted to design one with some of Giger's original perverse DNA. I never thought I'd hesitate to draw a big mess of teeth, but I wanted a nod to the feminine lips Giger once designed for it.

This is one of my favorite pieces he did, because it implied that there was far more than a monster movie going on. It created a mythological, occult element to the aliens. They shouldn't just be extraterrestrial beings or the result of experiments, they should've been something far worse.

Is Herr Starr the single funniest character in the history of comics? Objectively yes.

finally getting some meat on my threat of doing con badge commissions. Doing an off model Astronaut for reference material

Poster designed by Franciszek Starowieyski in 1968 for the Polish release of “Zakochana Wiedzma,” a.k.a. “La Strega in Amore [The Witch in Love]” (1966), directed by Damiano Damiani.

may i interest you in tiny hair details on the neck that i absolutely adore adding, thank you

preparing for bed after the bath

play that FUCKING music white boy

An older drawing, but still very much applicable to right now. 💩

I’ve created and erected a snail shrine

Going on holiday soon with my wife and her family. Dreading it. Not because I don't like her family, but because I'm gonna have a week of seeing her drop dead gorgeous sister in a bikini and keeping my eyes off her is gonna be a fucking nightmare

I have started using a VPN, not to evade /circumvent the age verification thing, but because I listen to a LOT of podcasts and the Neck Oil advert was driving me round the bend. Now, instead of cunts selling shit beer, I get relaxing cheery adverts for shops in Ireland.

On the tube home late at night my girlfriend stole some of my food, I asked he to give it back and she spat the half chewed food out into my hand and I ate it. People on the train were disgusted and said as much. Later she stuck her tongue in my arse. Who is the disgusting one?

I work in a Supermarket and if I see a shoplifter, I don't confront them, instead I tell the burly security guy and he's ready for them when they leave. It's always a man and it's always alcohol. People that steal food I turn a blind eye.

While recently having sex with my girlfriend she happened to say 'just like that', killed the buzz as I just kept hearing Tommy Cooper say the same thing in my head.