offhandedly remarked over the walkie to management that life is one big Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe episode and they all disagreed they don't get it

guy walking around our parking lot with a golf club asking customers to hit him with it. this is what it's all about

jane remover's vocals do absolutely nothing for me .

doctor pointing at the brain tumor on your x-rays: yikes. heckin' huge chonker right there

roommate spent like three days getting beat on and fucked by a bunch of women in chicago big w for him. big big big w.

being a woman who's never "had that shit on" is really fucking hard

a streetcar named envy/desire

adding a pint of ice cream and a couple protein shakes to my daily diet again let's see if I can get Anywhere

people don't realize that the earth is actually incredibly close to global organized action finally happening, it will just take 10 to 20 more posts incredulously pointing out the hypocrisies of those in power.... can we do it? we must. for the future.

anyone else getting a male stripper vibe from this picture

everytime I'm shown a video of a cat or a dog I sound like I'm reciting the lines from that Grinch Reaction tiktok

if you're from piss city then why the hell do you reek like shit. get the fuck out of here

my least favorite part about using Charmin toilet paper is when those cgi bears have to watch me use it

having a roommate that's only played like 4 video games in his entire life is really funny sometimes cause my boyfriend and I could describe ANY game to him and he'll go "getting a lot of Undertale vibes from this" and he's being completely serious

they should let The Worm consume the earth I've kinda had my fill

╔═╦══╦═╗ xx Put this on your ║╩╣║║║║║ page if you are emo ╚═╩╩╩╩═╝ or support emos xx

my new years resolutions are to gain 50 pounds, start smoking, and to unlearn an old skill (through traumatic brain injury

(trying to rizz up hot blood witch at evil bar) hey baby. your viscera is sooo sexy. also your...uh... (gesturing at her degloved dog familiar, it looks back at me expectantly) h-he's,, hHRKK,, (discreetly swallows vomit back down) hes so cute

oh man

(try

bringing my own food from home to eat at fancy restaurants and personally complimenting the chef like they made it

that study that's like "30% of gen z bring their own condiments to restaurants" or whatever has to be so fake. that's psychotic

hiroya oku just fucking bullshits it every week. I don't think he's ever planned anything

babe I... I'm sorry I just... can't get off unless the demonic evil intent feels genuine. the 90ft. wall of flames is a nice touch, but the pyrotechnics machine is literally within view... plus your "hellspawn minions" didn't properly tie me up. can we just watch a movie on the couch

Dude the sleep paralysis demon just had its way with me

elder wizard spiked my drink I can't stop casting Fireball

most allergic to reading visual novel reader of all time

get 2-3 roommates that follow you around with clipboards & pens psychoanalyzing you all day

you couldn't possibly beat me hard enough to remember something that happened like three days ago

that's my emotional support invasive species

i wasnt able to get enough shifts at work this month to cover expenses, so i'm gonna be opening a limited number of commissions if anyone is interested. 100$ for a full painting with a background. we can discuss cheaper options if you would like as well. if you're interested feel free to message me

ill be a mascot if anyone is hiring. imagine me. dancing around in a little outfit. mesmerizing isn't it

if anyone wants to see me win a second life horse race. dozens of hours in Fall Guys had prepared me for this moment

12 hour work day followed by another 12 hour work day this paycheck better suck the dick clean off my body

deaddeaddeath has released her #dollandkigujam entry ATTACHMENTDOLL and its left me speechless. for optimal enjoyment, nadia's go to with ddd's games is to down some benzos and have my plushie to hold for the ride deaddeaddeath.neocities.org/attachmentdoll

in 2026 woke is back on the menu

At it's peak, Your Mom had 100 concurrent players

Stranger Things Season 5 "Chapter Eight: The Rightside Up". Directed by The Duffer Brothers

(talking to a girl with a fat ass) damn. has your doctor said that's normal..? it looks like it hurts. hold on, let me try something... *bounces a coin off of it* ... it's worse than I thought

hold on

blinks very slowly

more gaslighting in 2026

some guy: man i wish they would come out with a Michael 4 that was just a touch more refined. less brash, maybe more in touch with his emotions. that would be the perfect Michael for me Michael 5, sexy little grin, inside the suspiciously Michael shaped box:

white women don't fucking PLAY about Adventure Time

it's been almost 15 years and batman arkham city's aesthetic design is still like the sickest shit

when the call comes will you be there to answer