Don’t sleep on when Van Halen was based, doesn’t come around often.

I refuse to see any of the Star Wars franchise I am also a Gold Star Gay when it comes to HP

This by @katmabu.bsky.social is the best speech I've heard yet by any politician about what ICE/Trump/Noem is doing and it's not close.

“I’m filled with piss and vinegar! At first I was just filled with vinegar.” is evergreen in the notdrunk household

It's amazing how so fucking many institutions complied with fascism when pretty much every time someone goes "fuck you, make me" the government goes "oh no we made an oopsie, we didn't mean to say that, birthday boy did a lil poopsie oopsie"

I know antifa isn't a real organization because I don't get 40 texts a week from them asking for donations.

🧵

I mean regular doctors do too but an AI bot can't look deeply disappointed in me and I can't cum otherwise

It’s always a good day to not be a Cubs fan

i am not surprised to see authoritarians and fascists take aim at hollywood specifically because they understand its power, and i am pained to see this happen, but i can also say this: CREATIVITY and STORYTELLING and ART cannot be stopped, not on a small scale, not on the large scale

What is it with the influx of these "The Worst Person You Know Just Made a Great Point" lately

Also Clone High, snoogins

Clerks the Cartoon and I will die on this hill

Hope of hopes it’s true but I also feel like we keep saying this

cannot believe they fired kimmel for finally saying something worth hearing

i bet adam carolla was who complained

Streisand Effect don’t fail us now

The Cubs are in the postseason for the first time since 2020. They clinch a playoff spot with their 8-4 win over the Pirates.

My 6th grade teacher was a white dude in his thirties who had been a Marine. My 12th grade English teacher was a lady with a black belt who worked punk* shows as a bouncer. Politics is everywhere, what are you even talking about my dude *non-Nazi

Battle doomscrolling by posting five small pleasures in life: 1) unexpected confetti cannon (in appropriate context) 2) booing at a baseball game with your whole row 3) oysters 4) when you tell a stranger they’re bangin’ and then THEY tell YOU YOU’RE bangin’ 5) being able to keep a plant alive

I have been in the not-for-profit performing arts industry my entire career. I got my first full-time job at 40.

This was actually legit and I quote it all the time

Yeah I said it

OH REALLY MAYOR PETE IS IT HARD LOOKING OVER YOUR SHOULDER ALL THE TIME WOMEN WOULDN’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT HUH

Cubs I am LOOKING AT YOU Let Shaw self-soothe. Do not subject your fans to something like this.

Among the many reasons not to start posting your takes yet is that we literally have no idea what happened or why

Post in a trusted group chat, write in a journal, or text a friend: All great alternatives to posting something permanent on Al Gore's Internet that may be used against you by other people or even in a court of law.

Heroes.

People are following federal agents around DC w/the Imperial March. 😘 CHICAGO!! Will add some basic ICE melting🧊 resources below. Plz add other resources/ideas, & let’s get sub threads by city, so eg one person can start a Boston reply thread and everyone can add stuff to that thread — ? 🧵

B Clint was President for my entire childhood, 10-18. Yeet him into the sun if guilty. Fuck that sex pest.

I paid 1K for a studio in San Francisco, two blocks from the Painted Ladies (the Full House houses) In 2004. Two-thousand FOUR. (That was *not* 20 years ago you shut up)

congrats to pizzagate for making the main epstein guy president

what a humiliating way for don jr. to find out his dad sends birthday cards.

Aside from this being… well, stupid, good luck avoiding a checked bag if you’re one of the unwashed masses in boarding group D. The last three flights I’ve taken we were all increasingly threatened with mandatory bag check because flights were totally overbooked.

This man is a MONSTER

Huckabee yelled a little loud once in an entirely appropriate context and we drove him from public life

I just need every liberal, progressive, feminist man to understand deep in their bones that every woman—including the most accomplished woman they know—is belittled at their job REGULARLY. Even now.

Years, YEARS I've been saying this. The Press is a fundamental part of our democracy, one could argue the most important part, PARTICULARLY now. Journalists should be paid, and paid well, but we need another mechanism than the public consumer model. News is a right.

Strings-free artist grants. Here’s some money, go do a thing. Or don’t! Art will come out of it eventually.

Admittedly, I genuinely didn't expect the end times to be...kinda funny?

Pretty please?

Admittedly I'm not her biggest fan, just not for me thanks, but this is real good casting.

End of the World has grown on me exponentially as I’ve aged but it’s Shiny Happy People. The answer is Shiny Happy People.

🫣

bases are loaded. we got a triple on deck

I was forced into retirement from drinking (I did it too good); I imagine this moment will be the spiritual equivalent of a bender and you WILL NOT TAKE THAT FROM ME *shakes*

Exclamation point (sic), I feel no excitement for this ghoul

Gutfeld!

If you are okay with this, if you think this is justified, if you think people living on the street have brought this upon themselves, if you think this is good leadership, you may be able to fool yourself that you care about others but you don’t fool me

They ship real quick, mine's on the way! 👾