I'm doing my first ever paid comedy show tomorrow 🥳 At tonight's show, I did all new material in the hopes that I'd be able to find something to replace No Milk since Ryan's parents are coming (bless them). But unfortunately, they are just going to have to find out I was once a stripper 😅

Fcken OW? I caught my fingernail on my piercing and made it bleed 🥲 Now if you're thinking Leo, I've never seen any piercings on you, well let me JUST SAY- 😂😂😭

I used to get gut-wrenching crushes on men, but then they'd take off their long, black coat and I couldn't tell him apart from anyone else. Turns out what I really wanted was a new coat. Fixed me right up!

The true horror of creepypasta is how American it is. "Everything in me was screaming to leave, but $15 an hour is $15 an hour. I wasn't going to make that kind of money anywhere else." You're gonna get eaten from the inside out AND YOU DON'T EVEN GET PAID LEAVE?!

I love that episode of desperate housewives where the secretly pregnant daughter goes as her fake pregnant mother for Halloween since they're both large bellied and the daughter is sick of being trapped in the attic so nobody knows she sinned.

We left a bowl of our collected candy in the front yard for the trick or treaters (none of us felt like interacting directly, or some of us were sick) and all the candy was taken. Somebody left us an apple 🍎

my playlist is all over the place because my thoughts are all over the place

It's only breaking if it's from the breaking province of France. Otherwise it's just sparkling entering. Also please stop screaming.

I refer to my deadname as my maiden name.

Yesterday, I described my aesthetic as dark academia meets byronian fuckboy and.... Honestly that's maybe the most accurate thing I've ever said.

Has anyone seen the 2013 film Coherence? Every single one of these people is the kind of person who gets hung up on, hears the disconnection sound, and goes "Hello?" Insufferable. Every. Single. One.

I read all the "not now kitten-" memes in Musk's voice.

"the last time I saw you, you were this 🤏big-_" N, I was THIS 🫡 big bc I was 11 and you paid me $25 to destroy evidence for your business because you knew I couldn't read any of the small print 🤦

Ooooh this ASMR is making me sooo tingly My carpal tunnel:

A story in three parts

Nobody ever says "I wish I'd played more video games" when they die. Video games haven't been around long enough. I may be the first to say it.

i don’t need ai for art. i just draw and my buddy tells me when the titties aren’t right

I am someone who has looked a man who asked if I was ok dead in the eye and said, with a fully genuine smile “yeah, I’m great!” Before passing out cold on the floor

Siamese cats look like Loony Toons characters who tried to blow up bugs Bunny and then got left holding the bomb and it exploded in their face instead

Making fun of my friend for still playing WoW, only to forget what WoW stood for, and calling it Weague of Wegends.

I've been doing tiny doodles for five days in this notebook. The idea is that I draw on one side, then write my comedy setlist on the other side in marker which bleeds through and ruins the drawings. I don't have to worry about it being good because it's going to be wrecked anyhow.

This is 1000% my favourite art of my OC, Wendy 🥰

An enormous ball of entangled long Furbies rolled over me and I joined with them and their thoughts, and we spent about 2 hours rolling around town, warbling, collecting litter to throw away later, contemplating the cosmos. We had a blast. I eventually fell off near the gas station and walked home.

I feel like a lot of the time I come onto social media and see a video like: make your best Ryan Miraclewhip impression, and a celebrity gleefully goes “hey I’m Ryan Miraclewhip” and I’m sitting there like…was that good? Is that something Ryan Miraclewhip says? Should I know who Ryan Miraclewhip is?

You may not remember this but you broke into my forest cabin and stole a cursed amulet in your previous life. Would you like to have breakfast with me?

Zine #2 is ready for printing. Assembly will be harder because it's a pop up (hence the weird proportions). This one's called Free Hugs.

Zine #3 is complete and ready for assembly!

Every day it's like - American government commit new human rights violation - Israel kill more people - Nordic people plant flowers and give them to old people, obliterating cancer - NZ libertarian politician has soft, pendulous breasts - American celebrity is racist and homophobic

Maybe! I think there are already many people who are quite loyal to their favorite narrators — especially romance, horror, and LitRPG listeners. There’s lot of info out there about narrators, if they care to look!

I told myself I was going to make zines and now I'm mad at me for making me make zines.

Sorry I'm late. My cat tripped over and needed reassurance.

Lately, I've been drawing little green fairies that I based off grass type pokemon. They don't have arms and instead, they use their wings for balance and vines to pick things up. It took looking at this meme to realize I was drawing actual armless people with fantastical prosthetics 😍

Away In A Manger (rhymes with banger)

Not pictured are: a playlist of dreamt ethereal twilight vibes, my favourite books and book series, a page of wishes I probably shouldn't be making, and a dream tracker using Tetris blocks.

I made my first zine of 2025! This is the first time I decided to just put backgrounds in pages and then draw and write into them later with no further theme or organization in mind. I much prefer it over my previous "I'm going to do this on each page" method.

Sorry, I can't come to the orgy. My mum said I have to clean my room

ASMR UWU wholesome Animal Crossing gameplay (kicking out all my uggo villagers)

ASMR lobotomy with stuff I found in my garden shed

ASMR Creating You (The Sims, face touching, inaudible whispers, one of my mods is making you look demonic, scrolling through menus to figure out which one, oh god the eyeball ring)

People ask me why I don't wear glasses and the answer is I like men better without them

"The 26 fingers really make the scalp massage" ASMR rest your AI girlfriend's lap

ASMR vampire tea party (mukbang, blood tea, blood pudding, blood cake, blood sandwiches, where did I get all this blood? The cops are gonna get us. Drink your tea quickly)

ASMR I massage your ears and gently speak to you but all you can hear is QQQUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURAFK - And I love how- QUUUUUUUUUUWWCKKKK -and then we could- CHK CHK CHQKWKWKWK-

ASMR plant girl lures you into her acid trap (humming, nature sounds, drooling sounds, flesh dissolving, "good boy" "I love you" "you are enough" affirmations)

Throwback to when I heard (from a trans woman no less), that women lose all their social value after 22 and I was like That's horrible, but also VERY CONVENIENT for me who does not want to be a woman anymore and is 21 😈

Just a reminder that ChatGPT in French, means "cat, I farted."

ASMR your lamia girlfriend stopped eating. Started sleeping stretched out next to you. Took her to the vet. She was MEASURES YOU FOR EATING (personal attention, realistic, YOU ARE ENOUGH affirmations, heartbeat)

Pronouncing it mTHREEgan.

It's interesting how transphobes get so confused by gender that they'll deliberately do wild grammatical contortions to avoid using *any* pronouns of a person they suspect. Like, they are consciously expending a lot of fucking effort to speak in a weird and off-putting way.