Erling Haaland aura edit disguised as Brazil v Norway highlights

I don't like the idea of England scoring two goals in the same match

You know what never got a red card? Love.

Everyone and their mother got a card this game

This ground is not higher than Harry Kane's hairline

If anyone can get used to the booing it's england, they're never cheered for in england either

Haaland was just there to farm aura edits

I was watching the bbc broadcast of ENG v DRC and they said "team England brought on a therapist to help with the WC preparation. To which someone wittingly replied "can he play Right Back?" 😭"

What's a little break up between friends

When messi missed the penalty the British commentators wanted his public execution right there in the hydration break

*Flicks cigarette* i was in a group chat once

a group chat is when me and the homies share group custody of a french cat

a group chat killed my brother

group chats are responsible for the decline of the youts

If you're driving on a road and can't find the sucker in the first 10 minutes then congratulations you are the sucker

I would be stoked about this 3 years ago

My favourite outlook tip is to look for other jobs that use gmail

Being with a bisexual woman is such a compliment, she could've been with twice as many people and still she picked a jackass

Arrived mid-gossip and my buddy said "I'll tell you later"

instead of seconds, the US will now be using "ice shootings" as a standard unit of time

Shoutout to dwayne johnson for being the rock in my life

Next time you need a new password ask a nerd what laptop to buy and they will say some shit like asus rogx-6987ftv4m

I think your optimism successfully dies by your mid 20s because I haven't been called a sweet summer child by someone older in a while

As a man, sports documentaries on youtube are my lullabies

As a man, sports documentaries on youtube are my lullabies

Watched one battle after another

i'm logging back in after 6 months, does this have groupchats?

People that say "I'll tell you later" and then actually follow through are actually the best

I would follow a stranger into a dark alley if he promised me potato wedges

Cheech us a Chong you're the piano man

I may not have enough money to doomsday prep, but i sure do have the anxiety for it

I have a deep disdain for men, that’s why i can barely tolerate myself

I’m really like an ancient god demanding a tree sacrifice, every time i go to chatgpt for therapy

All these idiots keep hitting the gym to get big, you’re just making yourself easier to shoot

Always leave them wanting amnesia.

Got a random DM that said “do you need help with something?” yeah if you could live this life for me it would be fantastic actually

Bought a plant call that plant parenthood

the us china tariff war is just two kids playing who can say the bigger number

Love hand written notes, they’re second in my list of best notes. The first being the more privacy focused ransom notes of course.

The worst thing about bad vision is pretending to have tourette’s when i nod at somebody who i thought i knew but didn’t

me at my absolute rock bottom: you should’ve seen the other guy

eat ur friend's toast but ur enemy's toaster

“The eyes, chico. They never lie.” except when mine hit me with a double whammy of myopia and astigmatism at the ripe age of 24

my number one cooking tip is never cook any alcohol dish with a substitute because you're supposed to drink so much in the process that your sorry excuse of cooking tastes good

Dating me is like dune 2 i don’t care what happens and i lack the effort to find out