When a girl walks in And she's fifty minutes late Spitting facts right in your face About TRAINS

We have such delites to show you

Dill Sour Half-sour Bread and butter Sweet Cornichon

Referencing Garth Marenghi during a hospital scene

It's gonna fucking blow the minds of guys like this when they discover the Reminders app on their phones

Every day the people I follow here bring me a new crop of stupid dipshits from their mentions to block

Canada will continue to release three new Drake records every single day until our demands are met

posting thucydides traps over on insta (i don’t know what anyone is talking about)

Bristol Myers Briggs chart. What is your stool type? I'm an IS3P (bold, practical, sausage shaped with cracks)

It's amazing that it's been decades now and none of the associates has managed to topple JD Power and claim the throne

If you ever encounter someone who doesn't think polymarket exists specifically and solely to facilitate fixed betting, then you have just encountered a moron

heard a guy say "you have to access it through the portal" and i was momentarily struck by how sad it is that what he said is so boring :( "accessing it via the portal" should be wonderful. we deserve that at least. it should be cool to access it via the portal and instead it sucks shit

206,052 words every girl wants whispered in her ear: "Call me Ishmael. Some years ago--never mind how long precisely --having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world. It is a way I hav

rotating an orb in my mind (just imagining a circle)

Croissorb, the perfectly spherical croissant

Do you think cavemen ever sat around the fire and watched someone cook perfect spiraled scrambled eggs over and over

"You'll never look at avocados the same way again" the instagram reel promises. Then it shows a bunch of pictures of an avocado fucking my wife? Where did you get these? Who took these?

got DAMN goddamn. Just. fuckin. got damn man. yeah.

Wait are they gonna fight

This is why I'm always posting online "excuse me where is the bathroom"

[discovers funky lick on the sax] oh man what is that, this is cool. [one minute later] oh it's the dancing sisters song from majora's mask got it

Trying to imagine Rona's dad saying "gotta get my steps in"

YIMBY stay winning

Nightmare blunt rotation

Branson is a true triple threat: shooting, passing, and character study

Actually this has convinced me. We shouldn't be taxing them. We should be [redacted]

I am interested in exactly one specific medical update concerning this particular individual

Boygels: finally, bagels for men

Spending some time reading a good book may be more worthwhile than spending that time on Twitter.

Social Media in 2035

Actually they're both real and mine are the same number (a lithe 35)

my vote is Arcade Fire's Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains)

going “ay yo” when the server with the coffee pot asks if i need to be topped off

Big Justice gives his mom five booms this mother's day

I encourage anyone who wants to get their balls embiggened to go ahead and do so. It will be very funny for the rest of us and you might die of complications, so basically all upsides.

this is not news

Getting this fuckin as again these days

I think I preferred it back before literally all media was Weekly World News

Wanna feel old? The baby from Dinosaurs is now 67,000,033 years old

My Duolingo lessons for Philadelphian are paying off

My sleep tracking app is getting increasingly desperate

Praying for the spider

If they ever make a Florence Pugh biopic it should be called "Pugh Stories"

The Lion, The Witch, Her Cook and His Wardrobe

I think if I were a king and someone baked me a pie I would be like, hell yeah, this rules. But if I sliced it open to reveal 24 live corvids that flew out I would be like, kill that guy right now please. This ain't dainty shit. These fucking birds are ruining dinner. That one shit on the roast.

outside of the prompt being too long to be helpful, stuff like "don't remind me about ethics" and "don't be politically correct" are cues to feed him a steady diet of right wing bullshit, dressed up as him being fair minded and wanting level, objective responses they're all so wildly un self-aware

Just so we're clear, this is this guy

[To the tune of "Escape"] If you like cinco de mayo

They keep inventing new ways for everything to be insane