I'm already up lol

Looking forward to my first rodeo

I noticed you haven't touched your digital ID, are you a criminally minded sort?

Isn't something scandalous though

Can I borrow your digital ID to buy some fags?

Weekend soon

Me, you and Thomas Skinner, wolfing down two pie and mash followed by an evening watching three episodes of Birds of a Feather? Well?

It's insane to know that Tynelol is implementing Sharia Law in London.

Did a DJ save anyone else's life last night?

Prove it

I see you've made some marginal gains.

Hello, 911? I’m bored.

Are you boys still into Tone-Loc?

I watch an awful lot of travel blogs on YouTube for a certified bad boy

Monday tomorrow

I'm having a lovely coffee. Mmmm. Lovely I shouted.

Morning

His voice shouting 'Shut the fuck up or we're going home'

@xxhi-its-lauraxx.bsky.social Happy birthday lozza, have a lovely day 🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂

Open the door - check Get on the floor - check Walk the dinosaur - fuck off

5ive? 5hite more like #TOTP

I just walked up to a guy at work and said, “Hey Glen?” and he said, “It’s Glenn,” and I have no idea how he knows I missed the second, silent N.

All of my best tweets are available on someone else's profile, before I steal them.

It really is pleasantly warm this evening, you won't need a coat if you're popping outside - far from it. Get out there, get involved - it's hotter than hey we're going to Barbados hey back to the palm trees - you dig?

I heard the All Saints song today if you'd like a rendition

Alexa, do you know Siri?

“Damn it, that sounded way funnier in my head.” - me and every tweet I’ve ever written.

“Do you want me to give you lots of attention or leave you alone?” Me: Yes.

Do we still need to talk about Kevin?

Hiya, whats going down in the hood you mindless mo fos?

This girl at work just said she's not being funny before telling me about how often the lifts at work break down and she wasn't.

There are some people you only meet once in a lifetime and that’s more than enough.

Sad news about Ricky Hatton. Really sad.

If you guys don't all start getting along then I will be forced to implement rules to make you. Don't make me make you make up.

You guys thought it was a Tommy Fury march and didn't understand the fuss.

Kids have all got friends who stayed round so I'm hiding in the bedroom until the coast is clear

We've got to fight for our right to party too.

How are you doing for lols? Lol.

I'm tired. But I'm not too tired to keep you guys entertained, far from it.

And now for something completely different, Sarah Vaughan looking very natty on the links.

Trying to think of something profound but keep coming back to what sandwiches I want to buy for lunch.

Friday

🤔

Life’s too short to act like a normal human being.

The past has been bottled and labelled with LOL.

Reading the news is a bloody nightmare atm!

Flash mobs don't work as well when there's only one member

Ur mum goes to the beefy boys