Dot is still troubled by her decision to let Nick die of a Heroin overdose.

There's nothing new about that refcam effect. I was doing that with Special Brew 30 years ago

Andy Burnham announces a new minister for The North.

I will gladly accept Andy Burnham as our next Prime Minister, as long as someone in a fox costume supports his every public appearance

London New York Paris Munich Everybodytalkabout Pop Musik

THERAPIST. "Just take your time and show me on the doll.. " PINOCCHIO. "I don't think you quite understand, mate.."

🎵Her penis, her penis, the greatest gift that I posses I thank the Lord that I've been blessed With more than my share of her penis🎵

Yep

I hope those £13.75 memory insoles aren't as good as they're advertised, because I've just called them a pair of overpriced twats and told them to fuck off.

I see yer dad's bouncing back after the divorce. Given himself a new nickname

Yer dad revs his trolley when Meat Loaf comes on the in store radio

You know you're middle aged when the best buzz you've had in ages is staying up late for the cooler temperatures

🎶Round the Ole Oak Tree…🎶

When I was married I used to watch porn on rewind so I could fantasise about a woman putting her clothes on and leaving the house on time.

I'd rather not, thank you very much.

These rappers names are getting weirder

I found a tired and confused bumble bee crawling around my kitchen earlier but I refused to give it anything because they only spend it on drink.

Found in Aisle 3 of B&Q. You might need some help getting it in the boot of your car.

Zapruder

I refused to watch the Grand National as my principles preclude me from participating in the exploitation of animals that don't taste very nice.

Falco there, sporting the confidence that can only come from knowing you'll never be Austria's worst export #totp

Sinister nonce buffet #totp

I'm having supper again later. Geraint 1 Jesus 0

Because of woke

They're not going to tell us what it is, though.

You had Summer last week. Put your anorak on.

OK, no crying

STOP THE NOTES!

See yer dad's got his Tinder profile up again

For pissing on a tree?

Two Word Film Review Wuthering Shite

Happy #winniethepoohday

Man hospitalised with burns to the inside of his mouth after birthday celebrations go horribly wrong

If I had to choose three dinner guests, alive or dead, I'd probably go for dead ones to save on the washing up.

If you see this, post a vampire that isn't Dracula.

I've just phoned a cab to take me from the fridge to the toilet, so that's my New Year's resolution fucked.

IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE, NOT CHRISTMAS EVE AND STEVE

Less than 48hrs until I can legally have cheese for breakfast

One year on from the office party and I'm pleased to announce that me and the photocopier are still together and we're expecting a baby in March.

I'll never forget where I was on the day the word sacrifice gained an extra syllable #totp

Just wondering if the Scandinavians have a 58 letter word for the sense of humiliation felt when one mistakenly assumes a supermarket door is automatic, and it isn't. Also: ow.

Starting a rumour that David Essex invented the phrase “having it off”

Orinoco Flow was originally written about a period so heavy it could only be staunched using a womble #totp

If you should die one year short of receiving the 'congratulations, you're 100' telegram from the monarch, the government should let you have a Flake sticking out of your coffin.

Looking at the price of toys and feeling thankful that I had the good sense to fake all my orgasms.

Happy International Men's Day everyone

There's always one...

Get to know your mutuals. List ten random things you like 10. Counting backwards from ten 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1