Touch grass today. It will make you feel like this.

My cat would like everyone to know that he's mad that the attic door is closed. (The attic door is always closed)

my problem with these takes, is it's like imagine if you were being attacked by a tiger at the zoo, and the zookeeper was over there kinda halfheartedly going "hey. come on now. get off him" and you went HEY WHAT THE FUCK! and the zookeeper went "uh don't oyu think you should be angry at the tiger?"

WSJ reporting that the U.S. used Claude for the air strikes in Iran. Centcom has been using Claude "for intelligence assessments, target identification and simulating battle scenarios" www.wsj.com/livecoverage...

Off to work to catch a break from *gestures at everything*

PSA: Yelling at people who voted 3rd party or stayed home doesn't change anything that's happened today or the days before.

there’s probably a lesson here

The only thing that I would say is a distraction is that I still have to go to work and act like a normal person when all these things are going on.

Welp....

"The Islamists oppose women getting an education," I mutter, as I aim my missile at the girls school

Picard management tip: It's okay to be gentle and kind.

I would like to go a step further and propose that ONLY Johnny Knoxville be allowed to have nukes

Will someone please explain to me how bombing a school takes courage???

Nothing is a distraction. All of this is the result of what happens when evil people aren't held accountable for their previous crimes.

The Morning Monty has received a sunbeam for #Caturday - and there is much toasty rejoicing

Additionally, I want to speak directly to Iranian New Yorkers: you are part of the fabric of this city — you are our neighbors, small business owners, students, artists, workers, and community leaders. You will be safe here.

what a crazy night for sam altman to be like "yeah we got that dept of war deal, and there's no moral concerns here"

let’s stop calling each new outrage a “distraction” from the last outrage and instead call it what it is: a vast ongoing machine of death, kidnapping, graft, abuse, and larceny built to operate on many fronts simultaneously at home and abroad for the benefit of the wannabe god-emperor and his toads

Imagine the conclusion you would draw if you came out of a coma to see we’re at war again and the East Wing of the White House is rubble.

McLovin is learning cat etiquette today.

I miss having normal Saturdays.

This is my first as a participant in #FolkHorrorFriday and I'm just going to leave this here.

We have started, and no story that starts with a boat on the ocean ends well.

Cats are amazing because sometimes they are weird little loaves of bread, and sometimes they are posing like fancy, beautiful French women when they show off their long leggies.

There is no greater joy a cook can experience than nailing a new experimental recipe the first time.

Oh my god...

My favorite kitchen tool is a warped wooden spoon I have been cooking with since I was a kid. For some reason, I have never had a bad recipe with this spoon. I call it my witches spoon.

I really am enjoying reading everyone's stories about their personal experiences with Max Landis being a giant douche.

did you guys know that words mean things

White guy: I made an AI generated photo of my black coworker wearing a purple pimp outfit flanked by 2 women in bikinis and holding a shotgun while dollar bills rain down and it's called "Dark Kent" and suddenly everyone hates me and I don't understand why....

We have ingredients. We are vibe cooking, but first, I need to clean some dishes

I really wish society would actually hold rapists accountable instead of continuing to give them jobs that could be done by people who haven't committed sexual assault.

There are just some arguments I see where I know I lack the qualifications or experience to form an educated opinion and simply nope out rather than engage in the discourse.

This has me crying in real life 😂😂😂 🦁

Not that you give a fuck but here He Is

WHY HAS NO ONE FIGURED OUT A FASTER WAY TO ROAST GARLIC!!!

Currently thinking about a roasted garlic lemony creamy pasta....

Remembering Herman Cain calling COVID a hoax and then COVID being the thing that took him out.

Chicago is experiencing frolicking weather. If you need something from anyone in Chicago, try again next week. We’re outside.

Something that has always bugged me about shows or movies taking place in post-apocalyptic settings is when women have shaved legs and armpits. Guys, that is the first thing out the window. If you're growing a beard, guess what the ladies are growing?

Holds up

For what it’s worth, I don’t have any tattoos.

If you want to know how badly regulated the supplement industry is, look up Amygdalin, aka "Vitamin B17"

"I'm 40 years old; I can't be dealing with this" is such a mood

Hey, remember that embarrassing thing we told you about the laser and the balloon? Yeah? Well, we did something even more embarrassing this time. Whoops.

Here are the Top 5 Dogs of the week!

It's actually fine if Epstein bestie (also the wife of another Epstein bestie!) runs all of American news and entertainment television and film Americans have choices in alt media, from Rupert Murdoch's FOX News to Rupert Murdoch's New York Post! From the Daily Wire to u guessed it the Daily Wire!

Dudes rock