Me: [hiccups] Wife: you ok? Me: yeah I just had a hiccup. Then I reminded myself hiccups aren’t real, so now I’m fine Wife: [heavy sigh of a person who has put up with my shit for twenty one years] why does pissing me off cure your hiccups? Me: it doesn’t Wife: Me: because hiccups aren’t real

While completing her taxes my wife noticed that ATO had given her a rebate of like $40 as some sort of pay on time discount for last year’s bill. The ATO then identified this as income and asked for 35% of it back.

[Paranormal investigators in the 1970s] Investigator: we confirmed a poltergeist in Enfield Skeptic: what’s the proof? I: we recorded its voice S: where was the voice coming from? I: two teenage girls S: could they have been faking it? I: we asked them and they said no S: alert the media!!

Now they’ve posted proof of life, we can look forward to whining about how we were prematurely celebrating and what that says about us. It means we all wish he was dead because he’s a bad person whose policies are about hurting people, and death is the only justice he can’t run from forever.

I’m a 30 or 40 year old man who only interacts with cat videos on social media so all I get are ads for erection pills and discreet infidelity services, like the algorithm can’t figure out if my penis works or not.

Yakov Smirnoff: …but in Soviet Russia, man on radio listen to YOU! Zoomer watching YouTube videos in bed: wow, the Cold War really was a time of paranoia wasn’t it, personally assigned FBI agent watching me through my phone camera

THIS IS HUGE! The FIRST 100% effective HIV PrEP drug, Lenacapavir, is APPROVED AND GOING GLOBAL. The makers are providing AFFORDABLE access to the drug in the United States AND beyond, signing ROYALTY-FREE licensing agreements with SIX generic manufacturers to produce AND supply it. 🧪🧵⬇️

It’ll be pretty funny if Trump doesn’t even make it to May 2026.

man, wish he’d just fuckin cark it, ay

Modern music is so full of remixes and samples that when Spotify served me up Orinoco Flow completely out of the blue this morning I spent a full minute waiting for the beat to drop or bbno$ to start rapping about getting his first handjob at Disneyland or something

I used to be on the lighting/AV crew at my high school and a friend of mine was on the “chair squad”, so we regularly got to hang out backstage during school assemblies. One of the little perks of the job.

You haven’t seen hardcore driving into trees action like this since GTA IV.

time to just admit that aches are pains. the divide and conquer approach has failed

My snoring has gotten so bad I’ve resorted to trying solutions offered to me by Instagram ads and between the mouth guard, nose filter and neck collar I can’t help but feel there’s a conspiracy by sleepless wives who just wish their husbands would suffocate to death in their sleep.

The Hitch-Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. For awhile there we rented the BBC series so regularly it would have been far cheaper to just buy it but going to the little video store in the village was part of the fun. Years later, I discovered the books. Sadly, I thought the 2005 movie was a travesty.

Is Elon going to ban Trump from Twitter again

Get in on the ground floor people, if you preorder Careening Foundations this month, you can get in for as low as $10,000.

FINALLY

Beat that, War Thunder forums

This is the funniest movie production fact I’ve ever read

“Hey guys remember us? The store no one goes to anymore? We’re going to make it more difficult to buy things. Also it costs you money to shop here.”

seeing this is honestly one of the most existentially depressing experiences of my life

I already used to have recurring nightmares about being stuck in a labyrinthine house that kept changing shape and finding rooms I’d never seen before so since I started played Blue Prince my weird nightmares have become more focused. Not solvable, but at least my dream brain thinks they make sense.

??? ?

As someone who always goes for culture victory in GalCiv and never trades tech, this is completely valid

Today is Misato Monday and all posts will focus on Misato Katsuragi.

It’s not deportation unless you’re sending people back to their country of origin, which follows due process. When you kidnap them and send them to a prison in a country they have no affiliation with to do hard labour, it’s human trafficking.

I have tariffed the penguins that are on Heard Island and which you were probably assuming did not export goods forgive me they were taking advantage of us so cunning and so cold

American police when a crazy ex sets fire to your car: sounds like a civil matter American government when you urinate on a Tesla: terrorism

The entire thread is like this, nazis asking for a summary of their posts, the AI says "Well it sure as shit looks like you're a nazi", then they argue with each response and it just goes into more detail why they're nazis

“Hey guys remember us? The store no one goes to anymore? We’re going to make it more difficult to buy things. Also it costs you money to shop here.”

It’s not a technical issue, fucktard, you added a journalist to a group chat. This is officially dumber than when Rudy accidentally created a hyperlink and thought his tweet got hacked.

‘I Messed Up At Work Again,’ Crestfallen Michael Waltz Texts Wife, National Geographic Editorial Staff

The conservative subreddit is extremely angry and disappointed that Russian bots haven’t told them how to feel about the leaked war strategies yet

mrs. gennaro I am sorry to have to tell you this but your husband was killed in a work accident. they made dinosaurs real for fun and he got eaten by one while sitting on the toilet. he wasn’t using it he died abandoning children

Conservatives: how come the libs don’t want to talk about Trump and Elon saving the stranded astronauts? Democrats: those plans were decided eight months ago, but weird how you’d rather talk about that than Russia immediately breaking the ceasefire and Trump covering up their war crimes

Once while we were working from home at opposite ends of the house my wife was in a trivia competition with her team and called out “what’s the band that sang Breakfast at Tiffany’s?” so I called back “Deep Blue Something”. After a short silence I added “that’s the name, not an incomplete answer”.

They must have. found the old CD wallet I lost in high school. Guys do you also have my copy of 100% Hits Best of ‘97?

Fair bit of swearing round the office when I shared this graph yesterday www.theguardian.com/business/gro...

Heck why not use your speech stat for hacking

Remember how that Kmart skincare product nearly sent me to the hospital? And I contacted them and they told me they wouldn't be investigating and offered to replace the product (that INJURED ME?) Well, a teenage girl is in hospital now. Same product. Same reaction. www.abc.net.au/news/2025-03...

HE'S LITERALLY READING A SALES PITCH

you’re fired. wait you’re rehired. email us a list of things you’ve done today wait forget it you’re fired again. come back your job was important. you’re fired. or hired. come in to the office. wait the office has no computers go home. we are the department of government efficiency.

Is there a woman equivalent of this, I’ve spent twenty years remembering things about nail polish brands and now my wife has discovered supernatural. Send help.