rest in peace to... *squints* Red Green's weird nephew

when you haven’t gotten laid in a really long time

*lady gaga voice*

is this a good idea

is there anything better

Hell yeah baby. The sky is doing things

@torqpenderloin.bsky.social happy bday buddy

Ben Johnson? more like Has-Been Johnson

boy i tell ya what, i can't wait for vacation on sunday so i can retreat into the woods and be enough off the grid where i don't have to pay attention to a fucking thing. being alive and conscious and empathetic and thoughtful is so goddamn exhausting anymore

luigi mangione murdered a healthcare executive and opposed "wokeism." i don't know why people insist that killers need some coherent ideology. most people don't even have coherent wardrobes, let alone a coherent worldview.

New E-Toilet To Revolutionize Online Shitting https://theonion.com/new-e-toilet-to-revolutionize-online-shitting-1819565332/

Nation Trying To Remember What Team That One Guy Played For

i watched this like, six times before i realized fucking triple h is there

strange. fabric doesn't normally fall like that across an arm.

no matter your politics it’s disrespectful to joke about someone’s death. don’t say rudy giuliani died from driving his car into a wall painted to look like a tunnel and all his clothes flew off in the crash and then a sixteen wheeler semi truck ran over his dick and balls. don’t say stuff like that

Rudy Giuliani has been released from hospital after doctors realized he just looks like that

“yes Mayor Giuliani stopped in the middle of the night in the dark for a woman who absolutely was abused and eventually got rammed by a liberal driving a truck. He absolutely did not slip on a banana peel and do a front flip and land on his buttocks.”

my sources indicate: Yes

Making them wear high-visibility vests over camo is such a good joke you couldn’t write it

oh how about that. it's august 24. the tiktoks i've been watching have a lot of things to follow through on today

my hog

This is who runs this account:

i've hoarded my old username on twitter, and considered going back, but every seven months when i go back to just check it out, i end up blocking like, 40 right wing dipshit accounts and god i don't think i can do that to myself

focus on the family? focus on deez nuts, you corpse. rest in piss

new all-gender urinal just dropped

tacos

for someone with a low voice who really can’t sing, I seem to hit those chorus notes pretty decently in the car youtu.be/MIsu8_9dWGY?...

other numbers the Red Wings should retire: 3, 6, 13, 16, 30, 40

1. It’s about damn time 2. Having this ceremony before a game against the *Carolina Hurricanes* is certainly a choice Either way, he was arguably the best player on the planet at times during the 90s, and this is very much deserved. Sergei rules.

beverage.

yeah no shit

guy who has never left his hometown of 18,000 people has STRONG OPINIONS about Big Cities

It will always be feral hogs. Always.

when another boy has a lolly

*huge* guy carrying fake katana and swinging it around in a public park in broad daylight energy

Happy 21st anniversary to the Dave Matthews Band poop incident en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dave_Ma...

Furthest I've been: North: Healy, Alaska South: Key West, Florida East: Lubec, Maine West: Honolulu, Hawaii man i need to go to Europe

DAYPART! *aaaaaAAAAAaaaah* MASTER OF THE NIGHTPART! *aaaaaAAAAAaaaah* CHAMPION OF McMUFFINS!

listen babe, your boobs are not just great, you’ve got that

Post a “fuck you” song #musicsky www.youtube.com/watch?v=xF0M...

when they close it all up, I do believe this will go down as the funniest video on the internet

I mean, we’re getting closer, so

THE COMPREHENSIVE CHINESE BUFFET AWAITS YOU IN HELL

your work is complete @torqpenderloin.bsky.social