pocket-full-of-werther's-originals lookin ass

who up pullin they pork

"Did you see this awful thing someone you've never heard of said on Twitter?!?" No, I didn't, that's why I'm not on Twitter, stop doing this.

sitting here howling bc trump has taken the world to the precipice of armageddon to distract from the fact he's in the epstein files, and just when it seems like he has succeeded, melania pops in with a "guys i swear i'm not involved with that epstein guy. remember him? anyway it's nothing"

Been on some aawagga shit for the last months but I’m pulling out of it

it means he gets results, you stupid chief!

MLB’s Korean marketing slogan used to be “It’s big ball chunky time”, and I will never stop thinking about it

Dylan Larkin, man. Gold Medalist, man.

dawg🥹

U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A, MICH-I-GAN, MICH-I-GAN, MICH-I-GAN

DYLAN LARKIN IS AN OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALLIST 🥇🇺🇸 #LGRW

@joeyerdon.bsky.social hey, happy birthday, buddy 🤝

congratulations to Sam Darnold for overcoming the absolutely debilitating hardship he suffered of being a New York Jet and winning the Super Bowl

between the TPUSA show and New England, a bad night for “patriots” all around!

New England scored a touchdown the moment after I finish making this meme. Assholes. Stealing my joy

the seahawks have 18, so kid rock and the president are no longer interested in this game

a lot of (questionable) people crying about the halftime show, saying it was “bad” I liked it. If you ask me, the real poor performance is this New England Patriots team. P.U.

absolutely

this guy's face looks like when you fuck up the spade panel mini-game in mario 3

elon has infinite money and all the time he doesn't spend being a racist pedophile that no one likes, he is posting passive aggresively like an AIM away message

a 33 year old in 1985, maybe

lmao

when you finish the 24 benghazi wing platter from Gay Hooters and the bathroom is out of order

sam darnold sure has come a long way since this moment

go wings

mo seider crumpled up easton cowan like a burger king™️ whopper™️ wrapper

it happened one night with big naturals

spent 90% of my entire work day talking in a jesse ventura voice and making up weird jesse ventura stories, such as him having an alternate dimension located behind his outhouse in the baja that is "ruled" by an upside down rotating pyramid with subordinate weird 3D shapes from a 90s trapper keeper

tbh, that's more coherent than steiner usually is.

i saw goddamn protein pop-tarts at the store along with protein water. if there's a war on protein, protein's already winning. this administration/regime is so deeply weird

Yes. Before today, it was almost impossible to find protein. You certainly couldn't find 300 "protein added" foods in the store. Americans didn't eat more meat than nearly every country on earth

green bay packers, more like green bay #packyourshit

FTP now, FTP forever

Here is a video of a frozen creek that had begun to thaw, and the water was flowing beneath the thin ice on top. I took this because it was soothing and wonderfully bloopy and I wanted to listen to it for hours. You are all welcome to enjoy it, too. Let your brain settle here and rest for a moment.

i don't even order ice with my coke zero. what makes you think i want it in my streets

i deleted my twitter before the election in 2024, hoarding my username in case i ever went back. i reactivated last october, missing ~the old times~ and hockey cohorts and such it's so much worse than it ever has been. i deleted it again - with my username. done for real this time. fuck that place

when you don’t know how long that hot dog has been in your suit coat pocket

first beer of 2026 is an almost nine year aged Kentucky Breakfast Stout, procured right after I moved to Grand Rapids in February 2017. Cheers

It’s 1:09 AM eastern time. 69 minutes into the new year. Nice.

Don't be a bitch tonight.

2025 is dead! We killed it!

“Imagine all the people” no thank you

why doesn’t anyone acknowledge that when the Times Square ball drops, it is essentially teabagging the new year

what year is coming? 2026? what next, 2027? when does it ever end

hell yeah i celebrate festivus Freakin Eatin a Shit Ton of Ice cream and Various Uhhhh Snacks