Not everything will always go our way, but we will be okay🫶💕

I lived it: I laid down on the couch before taking note of where the remote was

I don't think it would be as good, but I still kind of wanna see a parallel universe where Kirsten Dunst plays Tracy Flick

i ain’t thankful for shit go fuck yourselves

Self-awareness is fast but Quentin Tarantino is faster Also I wish I didn't know fucking Bret Easton Ellis had a podcast

"I say we take off and nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."

when you use Rohto eye drops for the first time

Everyone I went to school with is brilliant and successful and rich and it makes me feel so fucking worthless. aghhhhh i should've picked dumber friends

Musk: Have you tried grok unhinged mode? Have you? Have you tried unhinged? It's like, it's unhinged, it's, if if if you, let's say you ask it "grok give me a guacamole recipe" it's like "here's a recipe for grokamole" Rogan: what's wild is it just keeps getting better

talking about the punisher just now reminded me of this very silly thing i made a few years ago

learning that this picture was just him doing methody character study for Good Time was one of the most significant bummers of my life

Also this is how we got so many stupid smart people (see Ben Carson et al)

I honestly believe our fetishization of STEM will have more long-lasting damage than a couple of disastrous presidential terms

i cannot believe how much of my time on here is wasted learning shit I don't want to know about celebrities. like why do adults give a fuck about famous people!? you already know hot people in real life! i am too autistic for this shit

The Nordic countries have absolutely cornered the market on men with dead, terrifying eyes

My body is nothing more than a reconnaissance vessel that identifies and extracts cat eye boogers

I've always fucking hated Elton John, so whatever, but what the fuck is wrong with old British guys

Well I found Patrick’s present

I’m doing my best to both stop being this person and stop making friends with new versions of this person

iwona b horyn, too, but you don’t see me decomposing about it

"lived through two world wars" well looks like she was happily gorging herself on melon while people were dying. but cool thanks for your help Gramma

Sorry pie haters I couldn’t hear you over the symphony of god’s light

Man I go crazy for a man with big, heavy, sleepy eyelids

Christian Teenage Flirting

we'd be so much better off if the whole uygur-piker-verse had just never existed. even the people in that orbit who didn't turn hard right are too narcissistic to be a net good

aw come on man you're not living to see that

“Why Wearing a Barrel As Pants is The New Hot Style”

I just realized the banner says Class of 2004, which is me, which means I canonically was not invited on this trip 😐

keep unfollowing the oomf in a set of skeets when i meen to unfollow the non-oomf. i have dysoomfia

Had zero mutuals with the white supremacist thirst trap account because I'm an excellent curator 💅

the story of Kamala Harris is the story of someone who had all independent thought and initiative thoroughly beaten out of her by the machine politics of her state, and how that worked fantastically for her up until the final, critical moment of her career. sympathetic figure! godawful candidate!

i wish i knew how to talk to people but too late now

Dang. I posted this last night and should have waited a day.

What ever happened to good old cynicism? Daria and Reality Bites and Slacker and Wednesday Addams (the real one, not this BS 21st century version)? Social media has made everyone so relentlessly, performatively positive. I find it so insipid and exhausting and demoralizing and uninspiring and dull.

omg they're already wokescolding zohran for his "AOC-ification" i can't fucking stand these people

i think this has been obvious for a while, but despite the contrarian "bad things are good, idiot" caucus shrieking at the top of their lungs in the film discourse community for the last 20 years, the Marvelization of movies actually turned out to be worse than all the alarmists thought it would be

I thought my Josh Hutcherson crush was niche next to perennial gay internet faves like Pedro and Rahul, but I’m learning it’s actually just a standard out-of-the-box feature for most brands of American homosexual

just ate an entire udon bento box without thinking about Korean Comfort Women once 😪

Me tonight at 3 am:

How do I hypnotize my otherwise perfect boyfriend from being an East Coast gay into a Rocky Mountain gay

being 39 is so hard. the number of men 5 to 15 years younger than me who I want to call daddy 😪🫦

probably shouldn't admit this publicly, but a man with a subtle chin dimple and a mustache could convince me to do pretty much anything

"You will be visited by three spirits"

what

I know we're hurtling towards post-literacy, but I will not go gentle into that good night when it comes to people spelling "faze" as "phase" and "lose" as "loose"

me about everyone i've ever met:

gay dadaism just never lands for me