George Michael was so cool. At the peak of his fame he was still hooking up with random dudes in public bathrooms. You'd never walk into a bathroom these days and encounter Sam Smith giving out blowjobs or something. Modern artists don't care enough about their fans

I just want home remedies to clear my sinuses why are you showing me Mark Zuckerberg in his True Form

on a recipe for chicken soup. that would be a different fuckin soup Julie

no man who asks this question has the slightest idea how band and cup sizes relate to volume of tit anyway. if they ever found out that a 36A and a 30D are actually the same amount of boob their brains would melt

internet has poisoned my brain and now I can't read stuttering as anything but horny

For sale: good boy. Didn't bark.

can we please stop fucking around with this llm ai bullshit and use our computers to enumerate every possible name of god so that the universe can finally die

the only good thing about living on TERF island! give me six of these immediately!!

all the discussions and flow-charts and stuff about which Discworld book people should read first are good fun, but tbh i think the true answer is just whichever one you pick up off your uncle's bookshelf or from the library booksale or left behind on a bus. they find you!

just remembered a boyfriend I had years ago who said "ha ha ha!" whenever he was amused by something. literally said those syllables, never actually laughed. wondering if he's murdered and eaten anyone yet

"Get thee gone from my gate, thou jail-crow of Mandos!" I mean you do gotta hand it to him just a little bit

saw this and was like "the guy who proved they fuckin WHAT" so I googled "fake golf birds" and it's actually quite sweet. good for you, bird nerd

A weighted blanket isn't enough. I need to be compressed into a zip file

"First they came for the Somerset Gimp, and I did not speak out..."

not trying to victim-blame here but damn how militarily unprepared was Doriath? They had homefield advantage and a literal cave city and the Sons of Feanor still went through them like they were made of soup! rip Dior Eluchil but you really didn't have your shit together

It's an armoured personnel carrier from the future - what blade runner would have driven

me seeing this post: that's putting it a bit strongly, surely, a bit of exaggeration for comedic posting effect there me five minutes later having accessed my memories of how I felt about the world and my place in it before and after 2016: wait. actually - huh. fuck

got to hand it to Walter Scott, "my foot is on my native heath, and my name is MacGregor!" is such a banger line

if I had a penny for every time I've seen a picture of someone shagging a pumpkin on here I'd have two pennies, which isn't a lot but, etc.

literally *the* LOTR tumblr post of all time. You cannot change my mind on this

A burn 170 years in the making. Masterpiece.

I strongly relate to Pandora because I have the "warn for adult content" filter on but if the accompanying text is vague or ambiguous I'll click that shit every time to reveal the most lovingly-illustrated brain-melting furry porn imaginable. I would open the Box of All Evil so fast tbh

GRANDFATHER: whhyyyy have yooou summoned meee from beyonnd the veil of deeaaath? ME: I wish to tell you, there is a chance Ireland may finally be reunified. GRANDFATHER: Hooww is this blessed thiinnng to haaapen? *an hour later* GRANDFATHER: ... whaaat the fuuuuck ... ME: Nope. Not finished.

you're so vain, you probably think this bell tolls about you 🎵

once again considering becoming just openly and stridently mean to astrology people. my stupid conscience will be like "no Lauren don't do it, they're mostly harmless and you don't want to sound like a reddit atheist" and then I'll see some shit like this and think no, actually, bring back bullying

My most fun interaction with a famous person on Twitter was arguing with John Darnielle of the Mountain Goats about whether Bilbo cheated in the riddle game and should have been eaten. (As Bilbo's defense lawyer I maintain that Gollum waived his right to object when he demanded three guesses)

oh god is there e-book/paper book discourse happening? that's the conversation I would be forced to listen to for eternity if I went to hell! oh gosh, you can fit a whole library on your kindle? oh wow, you like the smell of old paperbacks? never heard anyone say that before! also please kill me!

Ya know, I really kinda like this Bluesky deal but at some point it's gonna have to ask to make money so it can keep the lights on, somehow. I just dunno what form that should ideally take.

if the hallowed light of the Silmaril was burning my hand I would simply place it in a bag or small pouch

I'm the spit of Bono's daughter Eve Hewson if she was a solid and respectable 7 instead of a glamorous 9.

psh no it isn't, I can do both of those things

this fact had better come up in a pub quiz or win me a bet or something someday because otherwise it's just going to sit in my brain taking up space until I die

missing Steve Buscemi - I mean, that's what someone weird might say hahaha not me of course 👀

Give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. Come back the next day and say “how’s my little fish buddy doing? Where’s Gary?” And watch him panic

omfg I'm actually howling at this

saying people are pretending to like things is some cursed solipsistic shit. don't care if it's lowbrow or highbrow stuff; people aren't "pretending" to like opera or Real Housewives or modern art or comics. you can think any of those things are dogshit! just accept some pleasures are closed to you.

It's a lazy day don't make me get up for nothing

the little scraps of poetry and literature adopted by shitposters as standard references - Sisyphus, "baby shoes", William Carlos Williams etc. - are the modern equivalent of how kids used to be exposed to Wagner and Beethoven and Shakespeare through Bugs Bunny and Animaniacs

Dante identified the corncobbing process early in the fourteenth century.

"which popular movie do you think is overrated": boring, safe, just a bunch of people listing Marvel movies and the IMDb Top 250 "which unpopular movie do you think is underrated": interesting, demands the courage of your convictions, reason to talk about The A-Team (2010 reboot)

*Drew Gooden voice* well I sure hope they do

You couldn't sound your horn at the Gates Of Angband these days, because of wokeness

I remember an old xkcd about this saying that labelling this shit like it's medicine and selling it to people who think they're getting medicine isn't just lying, it's the example you'd make up to teach a child why lying is wrong

Haven't been posting about the heart-breaking shit happening with Israel and Palestine right now but I feel my feet are on very solid ground when I say: fuck the Sun. Light up Wembley? Light up fucking Wembley?? Nobody who works for this wretched shit-tier ghoul rag will see heaven.