if you’re in Canada and want a holiday card, dm me your FULL mailing address and I’ll send it off this week! snail mail forever 💌

I WON A GAME IM FAMOUS NOW

had a revelation that I hesitate going down stairs not because of my arthritic knees, but because my tits are so huge that I cannot see where I’m stepping next hashtag bigtitproblems

nothing can make me tear up so quickly than any of Bon Iver’s music

my anxiety has me on track to grind my teeth down to the gums

we need to stop kowtowing to dani smith and her fuckin deplorables we don’t need another goddamned pipeline

how does one get to a point where they let themselves burp out loud REPEATEDLY at work? 🤔

my 93 yr old Serbian Baba bounced a ball for the first time last month in physio 🥹😭

playing the “is it an allergic reaction or is it just hot in here?” game again

hear me out: put some Lays salt n vinegar chips in your mouth and then drink some Coke/pepsi slurpee while you’re chewing. game CHANGER.

why are you making your pet carry large & heavy tags on their collars?! do you wanna wear a big, heavy necklace 24/7? I think not. forever outraged about this.

new night, new score tracker. quiplashed already on my first answer, 2 minutes in 😒

how many times do you think a person can get quiplashed while playing Quiplash? no need to wonder! I’m at 5 so far within 45 minutes 🤗

"There is nothing sexier than smoke billowing proudly out of a woman's hot, red, engorged nostrils" y’all really gotta start watching older movies

5 whole years w/ @shotgun.bsky.social 🥹 our love story is wild & our relationship has been wild which is fitting because we are both wild in our own ways. love you forever + a day, babe. happy anniversary 🩷

Die Hard is as much of a Christmas movie as Home Alone is

How I Met Your Milf

holding a baby possum would heal me

they should invent a thought that's not intrusive

I farted directly into my cat’s face 😬😅

mcdavid’s back, back again.

Honour the veterans and punch a fascist!

Skinner is a gentle giant, a mega babe, and can do no wrong - thanks for asking!

me flirting

haven’t had such restless legs in YEARS (which I experienced A LOT as a kid) and I hate it!!!!

no i will not "ask chat gpt" i will be scrolling Wikipedia with whimsical abandon like god intended

The Rescuers is the best animated movie of all time - change my mind

large bowls of corn flakes do NOT like to see me coming

gagged so hard while whitening my teeth that I cracked my back in 3 spots

A film you’ve seen more than 7 times with a gif

my long-time boyfriend, Alexander James “AJ” McLean, has solo work coming out & I might faint

I've voted for Mamdani six times already this morning.

Yeah, I do have big naturals, but that's not the point

cheering for Zohran Mamdani all the way from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada! don’t f*** this up, NYC!

my hot take is that if you’re running for an elected position, you shouldn’t be able to vote bc it’s a conflict of interest since you’re biased and will obviously vote for yourself. it sounds silly but I honestly think they should just eliminate those ppl from the total # of eligible voters!

what if they made a butt that didn’t fart

hockey commentators are SO erotic

I love 90s movies so much. the writing is 👌🏻 “maid by day” “he’s with a bimbo… make that a bimbette” “these women don’t have names, just telephone numbers” “unlike her chest, it looks real”

maybe invest the $20k you’d spend on a robot who will do your chores for you on the salary of a house cleaner who won’t potentially rebel against you one day?

I called my bestie “bite sized” because they are but a wee chocolate bar

fed a hot dog

why does this coffee *pleasantly* taste like an ashtray…?

maybe don’t let your large dog jump at a random person at the coffee shop and then say “hehe oops sorry”?

has the non-profit organization you work for or rely on for support had their budget slashed?? chances are YES, and guess what, that money is going into private pockets, friends of danielle what do we do? STRIKE

The UCP: the NotWorthStanding government.

Can everyone get cool with communism really quickly

sociologists should study the sheer number of times I’ve watched Miss Congeniality in the last 8 weeks

baba has to turn her tv volume up to 89 to hear it but can always tell when I’m humming near her lol

early days Backstreet Boys being played in the gym while Baba does physio is HITTIN’ hard