Tech guys six months ago: haha yes we’re cutting all this WASTEFUL spending by eliminating medical research and USAID Tech guys now: yes I think taxpayers will be excited to bailout my non consensual pornography machine

A majority of the days the government has ever been shut down, Donald Trump was president. www.howtoreadthisch.art/red-versus-b...

I always think ‘tearing him a new one’ is such a funny phrase. And is the insult-antipode of ‘stretching out his existing one’ (complementary).

People on citi bikes just make it up as they go, ay?

If I PROMISE to go see Wicked will my algorithm stop showing me their press tour?

Being on SNAP benefits for 17 years, I've NEVER been told I wouldn't be paid my benefits. NEVER. What is going on is BEYOND cruel. The ppl w/disabilities, ppl w/chronic illnesses & cancer, seniors already isolated, the 16M hh's w/children. WE REFUSE TO BE A NUMBER. WE ARE PEOPLE. WE DESERVE DIGNITY.

The ACLU petition still hasn't reached it's signature goal? WHAT? That needs to change now. 200k signatures is nothing, let's GET IT. AT LEAST! action.aclu.org/petition/mas...

“You now get a free Optimus and it’s just going to follow you around and stop you from doing crime,” Musk said.” ———— This is his pitch!? When they re-criminalise sodomy, my klanker chaperone better be prepared for a fight.

This is disability visibility. Mamdani listened. He didn’t pander or talk over the disabled journalist. He acknowledged his concerns and gave real responses about how he plans to fix them. 1 in 4 Americans has a disability, it’s a huge number of voters. Don’t ignore us!

DHS: ‘Daycare Workers Have Walked Freely in This Country For Far Too Long’

And the babies are expected to vote? In utero?

The corporate propaganda machine colluding with the Trump propaganda machine to lie to the American people about Thanksgiving.

guys I’m sorry but have you looked through Getty images for yesterday 💀

Did his campaign release an official fleshlight? (Complementary)

A moment of silence, please, for the "young men are all MAGA now" narrative. (Source: www.nbcnews.com/politics/202...)

I’M SHOCKED HOW HAPPY THIS HAS MADE ME!!!!!!! He was LOUDLY socialist!!!!!!!

If you’re still in line, STAY IN LINE

If CNN cut to me right now, I’d have to say “I’m just erect, Andrew. Back to you in the studio.” So maybe it’s good I didn’t become a political correspondent like my mother.

UPDATE: No.

Debra Messing has joined the Proud Boys.

Honestly? I’d like to hear Trump’s opinion on People Magazines: The Sexiest Man Alive. I bet it would include him.

It will go to the Supreme Court. And they will judge in favour of the cop.

I’ve been banned from starting any sentence with “people are saying…”

Apparently the jurors can’t stop laughing in the sandwich throwing case in court today.

The king arrives.

hug your war criminals a little tighter today

What does that even mean. How do you impose a tariff on a person?

While I am excited to go home for Christmas, I’m definitely rehearsing how i explain to my mother I spent $200 on the “latest generation of pyjama technology.”

I don’t mean to alarm anyone, but from rough calculations, the sperm and egg that became me were exposed to the Chernobyl cloud shortly before my conception. This could explain a LOT.

“If you don’t have body dysmorphia you’re only getting half the story”™

One of the worst parts of approaching 40 in modern day America is reading about how your peers are taking leading roles in burning the nation to the ground. Makes me feel like I’m failing to exploit my full potential.

Say what you like about the internet as a force for undermining objective truth and destabilising representative democracy, but there is ALWAYS some lolz content to send to your fag friends.

Feel like, as a society, we might consider moving Halloween to the last Friday in October (observed.) Vibes truly immaculate tonight.

How do I stop YouTube from showing me Neil deGrasse Tyson?

While the past imagined this kind of direction for the world, they never imagined it would come on a glossy translucence.

I’m sorry, but I’m not hearing enough about how insanely handsome Mamdani is. Once again, legacy media suppress the stories the people want.

Aside from the abject racism of Cuomo, what’s with this bullshit about London?!

So the MRI results were pretty bad, huh?

Very funny - the BFI has acquired the Daily Star's lettuce/Liz Truss video for the national archive, because it is a significant piece of British content that deserves preservation www.dailystar.co.uk/news/latest-...

Mike Johnson has not heard anything about the entire East Wing being demolished and cannot speak to that.

Missed the “-“ key and asked someone to “give me 203 times that work for you next week for a call.”

ICE is stockpiling arms, including chemical weapons, guided missile warheads and explosive components. The spending dwarfs anything we've ever seen in the agency - a 700% increase. The President is building an army to attack his own country.

“Listen, love. Shall we take out a second mortgage and put it all on another glass of wine each?” — overheard at the theatre

so I gather this is a lot of people's first middle east cease fire.

America, as a concept, has immigrant parents.

I know it’s such a consumer little capitalist pig thing to say, but the iPhone Air feels so amazing and cool.

One of my toxic traits is; I envy Great Figures in literature who successfully immortalised their enemies as vacuous rubes.

The beatings will continue until… etc.

Remember how we just went through a multi-week newscycle where Democrats and liberals were lambasted for their "violent" political rhetoric, which included Fox hosts claiming that only one political party was demonizing their political opponents as evil? And how libs needs to lower the temperature?