I watched The Naked Gun and I enjoyed it! I thought the PSL was fine, if a little sweet

Wonder if Vance ever thinks about his own family when he speaks. Like ever. Anti-Indian racism has increased by 300%, 50% of students deported were Indians, and hate crime against South Asians has dramatically increased. His own spouse and kids have become targets and he doesn’t seem to care.

Only one thing to do…

Tried to take some cute pics of post-groom Charlie Morton but she looks like I’m verbally abusing her in every single one

I’ve just ordered my first PSL ever. Will I hate it Y or N?

I love it when my irrational dislike of a person becomes rational. Fuuuuuuuck Kiera Knightley

I’m going to be in DC this weekend. Should I go to the march?

AI graphics are a tool of fascism

No YOU’RE eating Taco Bell in bed

I have the wisest friends 🙂‍↕️

Never forget Scrappy Doo worked directly with Reagan to distribute crack cocaine into the inner cities of America.

The abusive HR lady from my last (super toxic) job just DMed me on LinkedIn. I have a pit in my stomach and I don’t even know what the message says yet

The coworker who always wins our team Halloween costume competition went on a cruise earlier this year, so my costume is going to be them on a cruise.

I sent Peanut to school in a traditional Indian outfit for picture day. We just got got the proofs back and they styled the dupatta (long piece of cloth worn over one shoulder or both) as a fashion belt in all the pics 🤦🏽‍♀️

I’m rock hard right now

The “caramelized” onions on this TWENTY dollar 12” pizza

The Ig Nobel is incredible , one year an Indian guy won it for calculating the average surface area of an elephant and during his acceptance they had an elephant hold up a sign with the surface area of the scientist on it, they do showbiz better than the Oscars

friend: *going through it* me: what can I do to help/make it worse as a joke?

I will never wipe my butt

I say “it’s a load bearing ___!” so much. Also “malk, now with vitamin r” And “I was saying boo-urns”

Important to note that Jane Goodall would not have lived so long had that fateful bite not given her the monkey powers

Came upstairs to take my meds and go to bed….. and I’m out of trazodone. Trying to figure out how to MacGyver the various others meds in the house to switch off my brain and body but not put me in a coma.

Be the Mothman you wish to see in the world

I am so full of sneezes and I don’t care for it: a memoir

Boring update: it’s our new neighbor’s cat. Tiger.

This feels like such a microcosm of contemporary politics Emma Watson said she *wouldn’t* cut off her relationship with JKR despite sharp disagreement, and JKR responded by accusing Watson of trying to get her assassinated and JKR (a billionaire) accusing Watson of being out of touch

Ah man we’re screwed

And they were all of them bangers

This is not my cat

We were out for brunch at a busy neighbourhood spot today. Having a nice time with my family when out of absolutely nowhere, Peanut pointed at my chest and shouted “MAMA’S WEARING A BRA”.

I should be able to gamble with the “orthobucks” I get from my orthodontist.

imagine having sex via sucking white guy dreads

I am having a Bad Day

Hey we invented a society so deranged that the youths are doing shootings "for the meme", do you like it?

I enjoyed Superman

CHOTINER: Some people say your unorthodox medical practice can be harmful. ME: You're talking about-- CHOTINER: Pagliacci. ME: I think, sometimes there's a reflex to reach for meds when what we really need is to laugh. CHOTINER: Of course. ME: If I had known, obviously. CHOTINER: Obviously.

My One Good Vein™️ didn’t cooperate today so they had to use my hand :(

Feeling churlish and insubordinate today.

Just saw a parenting influencer whose MAYBE 2 year old is already forward facing and it’s definitely so she film his face in the car for content.

Posting these pics just to trigger @carlysintothat.bsky.social

So it’s bisexual visibility day? I do not wish to be perceived. Do not see me. I am not here. I am a shadow. You can’t see me.

I’m eating chips about this (gestures broadly)

It’s so fucked up that in German Schinken is Ham and Hähnchen is chicken

Spent THREE WEEKS putting off a deliverable and just fucking completed it in about 8 minutes before my meeting.

If Peanut ends up with an ASD diagnosis it will be due to both my husband and I being neurodivergent and not because I took fucking Tylenol while pregnant

Hung out with some new parent friends and they seem like they could be our people!

Charlie just butt-scooted across Peanut’d playmat and a half-digested wet wipe came out :(

A lobotomy is an operation to remove one of the wolves inside of you

It is fucked up what they did to the headphone jack