Queen Elizabeth II must be rolling in her grave now. www.nbcnews.com/world/united...

You can’t see it, but this is my surprised face.

Welcome to the weekend.

TGIF good people in my phone.

If you watch Jaws backwards, it is a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms and legs to people who need them.

Forget "sleeping like a baby." I want to sleep like a cat: 18 hours per day, no responsibility, and zero regrets.

Long week eh?

Good day to all the heathens.

I will not hesitate to wash my whole car with the gas station squeegee.

Time to put the dad bod away for the winter.

The fact that my entire body cracks like a glowstick whenever I move yet refuses to actually glow is very disappointing

Happy Canadian Turkey Day.

Good morning people in my phone.

Good morning sinners.

Good morning most excellent sexy people in my phone.

Snacks for Jesus

Thank you for being you.

I’m not as funny as you think I am.

cool, beans (passive-aggressive)

*takes a drag off a cigarette* I remember when I had a favorite notification

30 years ago today, No Doubt released ‘Tragic Kingdom’ and turned heartbreak into a ska-punk revolution. “Just a Girl,” “Don’t Speak,” and a whole lot of orange energy — Gwen Stefani led the parade that made the ‘90s bounce again.

I feel this in my soul

TGIF!

Good morning most sexy people in my phone.

Good night most excellent peeps.

Oh Popeye's, take me away.

The clouds decided to decorate The Moon