Happy Raptor Day?

What if guns cause autism

This man recommended injecting bleach and using horse meds to cure COVID

People: OCTOBER BASEBALL! Me: ...November baseball...? Also me: December baseball?!?!

Orange flavored laxative fiber supplement is a little easier to drink if you mix it with carbonated water. I can just pretend it's an orange soda with sand in it.

The older I get, the more often I say "I thought they were already dead."

This is fucking ghoulish and they should be ashamed. May everyone involved have to interact with an AI of their dead parents telling them how disappointed they are in them

Timeline cleanse: my dog is cooler than your dad

The Biped wanted to trade in her claw machine points to get me a Psyduck. Sweet girl. But I told her to save them because I'm looking for the *perfect* Psyduck. Y'all, hit me with your Psyducks. #Pokémon #gottacatchemall

My exclamation at last night's Blue Jays score just now might have woken up the neighbors.

When one laptop closes another laptop opens where the fuck did all these laptops come from and why am I always working

Listen. 10 years ago, on Stephen Colbert's show, Bassem Youssef, the "Jon Stewart of Egypt", warned us about all of this. www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZLw...

...it bakes up into a nice loaf of Trek, studded with the nuts and raisins of dick and fart jokes.

Why do my carbonated water bottles look like a Kpop boy band? #mylittlesodapop

This is your sign to finally dig into Star Trek TOS and @greatesttrek.com podcast if you haven't yet. Ben and Adam are the best guides into Those Old Scientists with a healthy dose of dick and fart jokes folded into the luscious batter of their industry insider knowledge and production commentary.

I would like to see a martial arts fight sequence with a kids' Razor scooter as a weapon repeatedly smashing into the enemies' ankles.

LOLOLOLOL FAN INTERFERENCE HOME RUN OH NO *CUES YAKKITY SAX* #BlueJays

IT CAN'T BE FAN INTERFERENCE AND A HOME RUN #BlueJays

Had a panic when I discovered all my photos on my phone had gone missing. For some reason, they were all in the trash in my Samsung Gallery, but not in the Google Android Gallery app I use. Cleared the cache first. This is an A35 in case anyone else has this problem.

As Trump embarks today on his second state visit to the U.K., demonstrators have spread an enormous banner across a lawn outside Windsor Castle—where King Charles III is set to host him. trib.al/vxRzOz4

No one: My brain: what if bottle brush, but for vagina

Advertisers, you could get on board with a great audience of Trekkies who love dick and fart jokes and are loyal to the Greateat Trek brand of products.

Maybe now my 9-year-old will think I'm cool.

New from me at TVO, on Crombie's departure and also some commentary about K-Pop Demon Hunters. www.tvo.org/article/anal...

The Biscoff effect: where stimulus elicits a fake sensory memory of having had that stimulus before--for example, tasting a Biscoff cookie--except you haven't. See also Mandela Effect.

It took me 4 days to come up with "Ave Labia"

T-shirt purchased at FanExpo Canada, available from chopshopgoods.com

Listen, we just need a convenience store chain called I Remember that only sells a loaf of bread, a container of milk, and a stick of butter #sesamestreet #iykyk

New from me at TVO, pondering one specific sentence in the Ontario Liberal Party's campaign post-mortem. www.tvo.org/article/anal...

Me: Man, I wish I could be at TIFF Also me: Man, I am so glad I am in my bed sleeping instead of at TIFF

Doctor I trust more than RFK Jr.

Doctor I trust more than RFK Jr.

The Biped just helped me through the final, most difficult mission in Star Wars Outlaws, and she hasn't even played through the whole game. Truly we are what they overcome. Such is the burden of every master.

The Biped at 9 is wearing my shoes.

Watched Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 and man, it holds up.

Gorn on the 4th of July

typhoid dairy

Timeline cleanse: huggy puppy

Just got a scam call from a number posing as the Immigration and Refugee and Citizenship Canada telling me a complaint was made that my number was being used for scamming. They had my name. This is definitely a scam. Ask for the agents name and hang up.

Roof is leaking again. Never thought water seeping into the house would cause me as much anxiety as it does as an adult, but here we are.

Free idea: baseball bat sheath for a sword. Haha little girl, you gonna hit a home run? Me: *unsheaths* Oh shi--

Trufax, he drove out a ton of stuff to VV, the waste station, etc. Sorry, y'all, he's taken

Real He who smelt it dealt it vibes

Wearing my More Garlic You Coward Tshirt I got at FanExpo, from one of my fave artists Papricots papricots.com

I WRITER

Do you think, at some point, Emperor Palpatine christened a Sith Lord he didn't like "Darth Bater" and then immediately gave him an apprentice? Like, everyone in the Sith temple would have to defer to the guy as "Master Bater."

This is how you handle someone who tries to sell AI slop at a con: remove them, and then clown on them relentlessly

Doing a full of our belongings and I found this treasure trove. All these cassettes got regular play when I was, like, 12 through high school. The Biped could not figure out what they were.

This story is wild: CEO snatches cap from US Open from kid, company loses 15%; he and his wife are unapologetic, threatening to sue their critics, aka the worst kind of rich people. Wishing the worst for them! economictimes.indiatimes.com/news/interna...