dubstep at 8am because i don’t have time b4 work to buy a redbull

i miss cucumberjuulpod

i am walking the cow

happy halloween you guys

i can name sheep breeds just by looks because i had a hyperfixation in high school

ordered extra extra sauce packets specifically the other day and they gave me exactly zero sauces. just some of my twisted backstory that i guess has turned me into the jaded character you see before you

*in slime church* slime pastor: god is goop? the congregation: all the slime!

french onion ice cream

chicken club wrap and poutine on its way to me god is good

your honor i'm not a terrorist i'm just a little whimsical

someone please cast a loaf of bread summoning spell

u guys gotta post slower i can’t keep up

⁠♡♡

I do not want to enable location services. I do not want to create an account. I do not want to sign up for special offers and news about your product. I would like to engage in a simple transaction where I give you money in exchange for a good.

what’s something you’ve read recently that’s challenged your point of view?

i heart flipping off tesla drivers

meditating until i can make my mucus membranes non-absorptive at will

some of you could really do with a lesson on the pacific northwest tree octopi

open.spotify.com/track/1veYTh... this song specifically starting 1:42 that’s when it gets really fucking good

sometimes i’m sad i dropped out of film school because in my head i truly believe i am the only person who could properly reboot austin powers

rest in piss charlie

love being super pale because when i’m abt to throw up my face goes green so it’s like a 5 minute warning

tbh age restricting kids from all the internet after we’ve removed their friendly in-person spaces and co-opted their media and content as nostalgia fuel maybe isn’t the safety move you think it is

7 days in and 5 days left to go b4 my day off feeling like orpheus walking out of hell rn

i act like an evil eunuch to all of my friends but like i’m not scheming or anything i’m genuinely just like that.

btw bottom growth is so beautiful like an orchid flowering in case you forgot

comrade is a beautiful name for a baby girl

zombie rave coming up. this is my met gala

if a vodka redbull can’t fix it maybe nothing can

pouring rain. bus in 6 minutes ok doable. 20 minutes goes by no bus. ok second bus in 4 minutes that’s fine. 15 more minutes goes by. ok different bus at another stop in 4 minutes fine whatever im too soaked to quit now. 15 minutes goes by. ok leaves stop to order uber. watches bus drive by

what’s a theory u just know is true but can’t prove i will go first . spongebob kid to shitposter pipeline

you either die the hero or live long enough to see the new “this user is a suspected member of terrorist organization antifa” instagram post warning label

ghost of yaoi

He may play a CREEP but Mark Duplass is a stand-up guy, as Duplass Brothers Productions is teaming up with the Transgender Film Center to launch the Found Footage Fund for trans filmmakers.

if u have a problem with bike lanes i have a problem with u

french onion is a beautiful name for a baby girl

forgot what withdrawal felt like this fucking sucks

i don’t think katy perry has actually ever felt like a plastic bag drifting through the wind

everyone!!! pringle time starts now

to be a shitposter is the bravest choice a man can make in his life

you should have to pay me to show me an ad

i can’t believe for like 5 years nurses have been asking doug ford for more money in medical and teachers for more money in education and he. is opening an icecream factory because he likes the brand

literally forgot i wasn’t scheduled today and went to work this morning fml

hotboxing your headspace

why do chocolate ads want me to fuck the chocolate

made the mistake of “looking closer at the interesting hat a customer i’m talking to is wearing” because it was a fucking SS officer uniform cap

i’m not a conspiracy theorist but. why DO all the famous people get lyme disease

do you ever feel like a plastic bag drifting thru the wind wanting to start again because yeah