my brain is like a bag of angry cats in a tuna cannery and they are NOT FRIENDS

I hate how a sort of "we the people" contingent took the phrase as a means of yelling at the people as a me, instead of keeping the phrase useful for times like these

look,

did he seriously just grab Venezuela by the prezzy

This person went on a buying spree over the past 24 hours. Fresh wallet. Only existed since Dec 27th and has only bet on Venezuela-related markets. polymarket.com/@0x31a56e9E6...

oh no it's nearly time for the karaoke walk and it's windier than shit out

aww shit maybe I should finally take a proper crack at voice acting, I've been putting it off since I used to do preshow announcements for all the shows I worked on

it should be harder to be low-effort hateful of stuff negative posters should get charged a quarter per post and positivity should be incentivized that way there can be an era of beauty where we read stuff for filth through subtext of effusive praise the stealth hater era

feel like I lost my magic again, like a filthy lens. soil without nutrients, water without minerals, a leaking battery. maybe I need to be conspicuously creative in a new way again, line up a show or two, get back at it it just felt so empty the last few times, that's what was really scary

sour cream onion dip you do me dirty every time I cannot quit you

I lived bitch suck a wet fart out a dead dog's ass 2025

sometimes I get a little nervous in the last twenty minutes before a new year because that's optimal Tragic Accident Befalls One timing and my life is full of ironic bullshit

hahaa beat him

oh no fireworks starting and eepy there's still three hours to gooooooo

I have been a guest, advisor, editor, and kind-of producer (okay radio but still) on so many podcasts that I feel like threatening to finally start mine

imagine living through the second peter lorre sex symbol era

I kind of hope fascism makes all the kids do extensive body mods to fit impossible goals, I am uniquely positioned for the backswing to terminally weird little guy face

would you believe I made a new year's resolution about low hanging fruit grab it with all three hands

it's right near the end of 2025 and I haven't written the word "penis" once, not even in quotes, out of solidarity for th ohno

what's deeper down the lore iceberg for those who knew a while ago that Chumbawumba were based like did Tito Puente shoot Reagan or something

in the contest of niche pet peeves, you are only truly in competition with yourself

I love public domain day, now all the drama students studying "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" have absolutely no excuse to not look it up before the scene and make up their own fuckass lil song

what if 2026 winds up really okay like everybody gets kinda tired midway through january and gives up trying so hard and we all just kinda chill out through to a mellow summer, maybe some light yelling through the autumn but you can tell their heart isn't in it

it's pretty obvious why they canceled hamilton at the trump kennedy center, imagine trying to get through "I am not going to throw away my shot"

no no now I'm launching a new sport where everybody pawns their stuff and locks it in the same shop and then fight on ice knives to unlock it, I think I'll call it base ball

launching a new sport where teams of people walk around on the rolly poly parts of their feet, it is called foot-ball and many get hurt

all my flatus is patters in the jukebox musical of life

all my waiters are haters at the diner of life (I don't go out to eat much)

all my haters are waiters at the buffet of life and nobody's bussin

thinkin bout moonlighting as a ghost made of luminous mist reeking of sulphur and bad choices since I guess I don't sleep at normal times anymore

oh dear I'm not sure I like people very much anymore maybe we're fighting

got called to sit on the office Christmas party and it was mostly old men complaining about hockey, basketball, and football in an unbroken lilting drift between half-conversations so I had a cake and left

oh come on don't make this the only day in december we do shit this whole week is made out of fridays, respect the sanctity of the year's taint

lucky has a new bedtime ritual where he stands with the weight of an elephant on my pancreas, drools about 5 oz all over me, flays my skin with joy biscuits and then runs away because I yelped in a word that was cat racist

what an absolute bastard of a year to begin and end on a wednesday

new years resolution: call someone a coriaceous puke

the concept of banging seven billion people simultaneously unlocked a deeply repressed slut impulse like a strike-slip fault or maybe it was a thrust fault oh gggosd

happy birthday Annie Edison, canonically 35

just changed my name to Theodore Damascus Twister, or for short, T. D. Tw oh goddammit

something feels twisty, is there a twist coming

forgot to check in 2020, did all the horny nerds make halloween zoom hookup calls named "spooky action at a distance" or was that another dropped ball

I thought Reagan died in the 90s, did I slip timestreams again

I'm so mad at my sore throat, I hope it feels self-conscious and goes away tomorrow even did a COVID test and, as usual, big thick mighty red check line, white as the driven snow test line, undefeated COVID test failer

everything I write with the gravitas of the last charred scrap of human ingenuity surviving the burgeoning apocalypse

d'you think paul bunyan was a grower not a shower or was he out there swingin a treenis

this is me responding to the current administration and I do support people doing it but maybe there should be a pall of shame around being a content creator like maybe it should rank slightly under tabloid journalism in the stack of stuff you wouldn't freely admit to instead of running government

I had a nice run of really bonkers dreams but it's been a bit quiet the last couple nights maybe I need to load up my brain with a bunch of kooky shit so it has to freak out and make weird movies to cope

SHAW

Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 was on sale and I saw a lot of people getting very salty about it not winning RPG of the year so I figured I'd try it Now granted I'm not super-gripped and it'd be silly to make any determination so early but I'm developing an awful lot of opinions about certain folks

Erika Kirk looks like she is constantly watching her kids' black friends use their pool