I appreciate the accessibility but is there a more peculiarly cursed concept than "webinar"

that's the fifth FedEx Office I've been kicked out of for trying to print out the results of my new invention, kirlian fartography you guys were way cooler when you were kinkos

I wonder why YouTube exploded today

I got this fake gin to try with a bit of sugar-free tonic and now I wanna punch something, that's the sober difference

I did not, in fact, give today the business today the business gave it to me

I was supposed to have a relaxing cool down evening but tummy hort is okay too I guess man today can take a running long jump off a short pier into lake fuckass

the wackadoo flim flam, flip a tuppence to the night chef, untwist a twist, cap an ass in their bust, the ol' Tallahassee Buttplug

today was rancid, I'm giving tomorrow the business

it's not like I want credit for the bare minimum, but after a life of being a miscreant and gradually trying to be better, it'd be a lot nicer to spend most of my day working at a place where we all try a little harder to be grown-ups

aaaa fuck I just looked up and it was after 10pm how did that happen

what if you could get arrested on charges of "extremism on gender" for having a big honkin dick

this was gonna be my "working on a show" day but not all of the assets are in and I'm on a raft in an ocean listlessly drifting without direction or parameters so I made pizza and vibes I wanna do this for like a month

it's kinda funny jared leto is box office poison

Lucky was Very Upset I stayed up extremely past bedtime last night and I woke up to him sleeping on my legs he was gonna hold me hostage until I had a proper recharge

I need a very powerful witch who hates karaoke

we should have a day long moment of silence not out of respect or observing something, just one big shut the fuck up and carry on

Never Trust a Fart Friday

I hope all the posters don't go to mastodon, all these app sites suck but it'll be like getting left behind while all the elves sail to the west

I just finished drafting a new spell that causes me to remember I haven't drafted a new spell in a while

can I call in sick tomorrow for girlbossing too close to the sun

if you leave dough alone for a while it gets big

it's fine and we're pals but do you really have to sit on me when you lick your butthole I feel like I don't need to be involved

the most scrupulously nutritious eater is a highly sophisticated natural engine finely-tuned to turn accidents of dirt into worse dirt and save the nastiest bits for the end

speaking of spread, I used a pinch of Xanthan gum on my weekly schmear after pouring a little too much milk in and it worked really really well unfortunately it has a slightly eggy consistency and the spices weren't correct, but it's still an okay experimental experience

I was a little scared last night I was gonna go to one of like three recurring dreamscapes where the same weird quest unfolds but I think it wound up being an all-encompassing visualization of the half-recalled experience of raspberry, for some reason

ointment: pill sauce cream: pill butter tincture: pill juice salve: pill rub gel: pill slime tablet: pill pill

he just sat there, lookin at me

what do you mean if I don't get enough sleep my tum tum gets butt upset

there is nothing you can do to fuck this up just be

we need an era of existential chill an inescapable feeling that, despite our best efforts, things are gonna work out okay

can you get haunted by ghost cats because someone keeps stomping on my pillow and it is not Lucky

I'm still singing karaoke once a week, but this bar has their own root beer and NA options; still sober day 69 (nice)

someone drops a glass at the bar me (instinctively, before it hits the ground): PARRY IT

what are you nostalgic for, the womb

I think tiktok is driving a vowel shift in pronunciation when the kids say "nostalgia" and it's almost as upsetting as the youths having nostalgia

why are the main villains of this "100° noon Buick dashboard melted clown" or "hey guys I just found my virginity"

gosh what an absolutely foul piss ass week for mood style, I swear some folks hadn't had a single unturded flake of corn not me tho I dissociated like a champion, I may shall walk around for the rest of the weekend like I wear an opera's cape

I think Lucky just killed a ghost mouse

haven't had this much roach ass thrown at me by a failed chef since

it's weird watching the kind of guy who walks around clenched like a fist trying to hammer this world into a shape that'll fit him a little better probably doesn't even take out the trash, let alone wipe

I wonder if we'll have an even weirder queer underground this time, I hear Berlin was problematic

I am dangerously underjazzed about getting up in the morning to do the job to pay too much rent nearly jazzless, hitherto unforeseen jazz deficit

if people from venus are venusians then people from penis are penisians we are all homo penisians

I later scaled the Mount Fay Took rather more than a day Though often pissed I pressed and persist To get bodied elsewhere anyway

breaking into new silksong areas like doctor strange exclamations "BY THE HOARY SANDS OF KARAK!"

we should probably be nicer to people who were absolutely convinced they were gonna be raptured, I remember a certain weekend only a few weeks ago where we were all super convinced It Happened

I am at Mt. Fay, which is to say I have quit playing Silksong for a while

I have only had a very small amount of Tylenol in my life so I look forward to being raptured tomorrow despite the pharmacy of exotic poisons my body has acquired over a miscreant lifetime maybe I'll just be a little slower on the uptake, wouldn't be the first time

what's up with that popular chud post that goes "we didn't want it to come to this but what happens now is necessary" of course you want it to happen, you're gonna like doing it, don't pretend this isn't something you're making an explicit exception to do because you think you'll get away with it

somebody turned on dead internet like two hours ago and it has been sludge ever since