Looks like Lamar Jackson is out tonight. Which means my hopes to win my fantasy football league are in the hands of this guy.

Alienating a good portion of my extended family by commenting how I want to bite the birthmark off of Drew Brees’ face.

Martha Stewart and snoop dogg are husband and wife I think.

There’s a hoagiemouth slob that does cheesesteak reviews on Facebook and we tried one he recommended and it wasn’t fit to serve a dog. Who can you trust when you can’t even trust hoagiemouth slobs anymore?

Mike Francesa on his YouTube podcast did a mailbag. Someone asked him if he collects memorabilia and he said he has over 150 books on JFK, including some he bought from rare book dealers. Then, after detailing his extensive JFK book collection, he said, “But, no, I don’t collect anything.”

Rodgers is going to let Garrett get the record-breaking sack by flopping Favre-style. This will happen this weekend. (I predicted the hulk hogan death 10 minutes before it broke earlier in the year so I may have powers.)

We are coming up on the busiest paper recycling day of the year. If you start cutting and breaking down boxes now, you won’t have to worry about space in the bin on Christmas.

Here are the four books I most enjoyed reading for the first time this year.

Retweet if you want your Christmas presents NOW

The wrapping paper is bad this year. Flimsy trash. Toilet seat cover ass ply.

Confounding synergy

RIP the tush push

What’s an appropriate tip for a mall Santa?

Biologically incapable of seeing a bag of goldfish without swallowing a few dry like Tylenol

Are eyelash mites that much of a problem that they need to advertise a cure during NFL football? Def going to have a panic attack next time my eye itches.

I find the Walmart grinch’s hair vile. To the point where I’m wondering if grinches have a right to exist.

This is a guy who views the world through a very simple binary. His morality was always suspect.

Burgermeister Meisterburger…it’s on sight, bitch.

The way Santa behaves in the Rudolph story is shameful. Rare L for the big man.

I’ll teach you the electric slide.

This fad needs to end. I was wondering why our house was so cold and I caught our youngest turning the thermostat down to 67.

Quentin Tarantino drops latest bombshell: Paul Dano also smells

Jalen Hurts just threw another interception.

I just received a personal phone call from Quentin Tarantino to make sure I knew that he thinks Paul Dano stinks. Very thoughtful of him.

Is this Vic DiBitetto?

More and more people are saying this.

The Munsters poses the chilling question, what if your parents were a vampire and a Frankenstein? The Addams Family poses the chilling question, what if your parents were openly sexual?

Kevin Hart, try saying no to something in 2026.

Is broccoli the only thing that comes in florets? My votes counts just as much as yours by the way.

Waking up out of a sound sleep and sitting straight up in bed. “Archie from the sexy Riverdale has a musical alter ego named Mr. Fantasy.”

I had that nightmare again

Somehow the eagles figured out a way to be in a 2nd and 19 during halftime.

Googling something that came up after dinner tonight

Calling 911 to wish them a happy Thanksgiving.

I’m sure this has been said a thousand times already but it’s just dawning on me that this is probably the first pope in history who has listened to Mancow.

Who up brining they turkey?

I saw some horrible copy on a Chili's menu tonight: HUNGRY? Get ready not to be

Plenty of Shaq-A-Licious gummies at the cvs in willow grove. No refunds. Final sale.

The youtube algorithm serves me exact level of exciting content I deserve.

The Hamburgler has plenty of money. That's why it's so outrageous what he does

imagine walking down the beach and seeing jesus carrying some guy

I hope this means what I think it means (they are rebooting the Ron Pearlman Beauty and the Beast show from the 90s)

Sounding good, sir!

Windiest night of the year. Let’s pass on every down.

I’ve been waiting all day for Sunday night.

I’m always unsettled when someone is in the negative after Double Jeopardy and they are just gone after the commercial break. Are they okay? Are they getting roughed up offscreen? Or are they simply arrested?